I chose todays image because I was thinking about couples and the way that they look. 

To me, couples are viewed a few different ways: 

• through her eyes
• through his eyes
• through the eyes of others

I know, that as an optimist, I will always view everything that we do in a positive light. I always work to find the good. When I see something that's awry I think of ways to make it better. I don't like hiding things in hopes that they'll go away. They never do... if unwatched, I believe, things have a way of turning into a wedge that can push couples apart.

I don't really care about how others view us - that's because everyone has their own dysfunction in their own relationships.

I DO care about how we look in the eyes of who I am dating/marrying. Is she optimistic, pessimistic, fear/worry driven... I want to know how she see us. It's important to me that I am aware of how she views us so I can strive to make sure that we're both moving in a direction that is positive for us.

I take this approach because Jesus prayed a prayer that said "Make them one, even as We are one" for his disciples. The Bible also says "can two walk together unless they be agreed?" I believe we can be strong as a couple if we embrace this and keep our views in sync.

4 Month Checkup

It's been a little while since I've blogged, so I decided to do a little spot check on how I'm doing this year and see how I'm doing so far.

For starters... my action plan has been ... BLAH. There have been so many monkey wrenches thrown into my world that it's just crazy. I think I've gained about 10 pounds and I can't seem to make time to work out.

The crazy thing is... I was actually eating healthy during my weight gain. I added various buts to my diet and accidentally bumped my calorie count up too high. Since it takes 3500 calories to lose a pound and my life has become increasingly sedentary life has become... frustrating in that regard.

On the positive side, we've been planning a wedding. This has been interesting and not as stressful as I thought it would be. We have a schedule and it looks like we're doing pretty well...

More later.

rental Wedding Cakes?

So... it's been a minute since my last post. In all honesty, so much has been going on that I haven't had the opportunity to post.. So... let me catch you up on what's been going on in my  world and write a little bit about how I'm feeling at the moment.

The future in-laws on both sides have been met.. There was no bloodshed. Everyone likes everyone else. that's good...

We ended up doing an exercise called the "6 Thinking Hats" - it's kind of a way of looking at all sides of thing to find out what the real issues are and where to address your attention. That's when we found out that we didn't have a location set for the wedding... OOPS.

We have actually come up with a location... and that's good... I'm finishing up the paperwork and sending the deposit now.

It's getting real now.

I'm excited!

52 days and counting...

Oh... now, on to rental wedding cakes.

The picture above is a rental wedding cake! How, pray tell, do you rent a wedding cake?

The cake itself is made out of like a Styrofoam. It has a hidden compartment for real slices of cake for the bride and groom. Once the first "piece" is exchanged the "rental cake" is taken to the back and slices of a sheet cake are brought out to everyone else.

How cool is that?

Family Dynamics

Part I

Family dynamics are an interesting thing. For me, it's all about managing my family. I have to be careful about the information that I give them, when I give it to them, and how I give it to them. The rationale behind this lies in the fact that any information that I give them will eventually be turned to gossip and information that they don't have will be filled in with their own imagination.

I am beginning to understand who I can share information with and who I can't.

I do it by leaking certain pieces of information, and watching it get spread throughout the family.

The whole thing would be different if they could talk like adults... but they don't. They use subtle manipulation, guilt, and any other means that they can use with the exception of the being direct and adult. They don't talk like grown people do... which makes it hard to talk with them on a peer to peer level.

Each of them has a weird twisted "thing" in their head that they think lends additional weight to their opinion...

"I'm your Mother...", or "I'm your older brother..."

It's just weird.

Part II

I had the opportunity to meet L's Mom this weekend. L has a very matriarchal extended family. Her mother rules with fear and a heavy hand. Everyone trembles and shakes at the power of her voice because no-one... NO ONE ever can escape her will. She always gets her way.

It was a very long weekend. The first morning we were together, we were the proud recipients of no less than 5 hours of marital counseling in 2 1/2 hour segments. I think over the course of the weekend we were talked at for at least 10 hours.

I listened with a fair amount with great respect. And then it happened.

I had to show her my backbone.

I told her to put her cards on the table. That we would discuss her concerns one by one...

We did, respectfully.

L says I earned her respect that day.

I love L. She's my boo...