Woodchips

Good Bye

2011-09-30T15:36:00.000-05:00

I have had this blog for 5 years and I think it's time to say Good Bye...

When I was going through my divorce this really helped me figure out who I was. It helped me stay settled.

When I was dating, it prevented me from making bad mistakes.

Now that I'm happily married, to an incredible woman that gets me... blogging here just doesn't feel the same.

So... 6 years and over 500 posts later... it's time to move on to the next part of my life.

Take care!

I hate taking pills

2011-09-30T15:30:00.003-05:00

I hate taking pills. But... if there was a wonder drug that would let me grow hair, be as fit as I was when I was 21, give me all the energy and focus, and not have any side effects, I would take it in a half second.

Without water.

Sidelined!

2011-09-28T18:40:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning with a runny nose. My eyes were watering, I couldn't stop sneezing.

It took me a minute to figure out what this was... a common cold! I haven't had one in almost 12 years. Seriously.

L suggested that I get some Afrin since I despise taking pills. Afrin is a mist that you spray in your nose that's suppose to help with congestion.

I only have one question... If I can't breath, how can I get it in my nose???

Signed,
Sidelined by the common cold

Love and marriage

2011-09-26T12:42:00.001-05:00

Love and marriage. Wow... Where to start today?

Marriage is an interesting thing. I mean, it's one thing to meet someone (finally), marry them, grow in love until one of you dies or worse, a divorce happens. (Note: in my opinion, it's far worse to be divorced than to have a spouse die... if you want to know why I say that... drop me a comment and I'll do my best to explain the rationale)

So, in my current situation - I have 1 divorce, and she has 1 dead spouse - and between the two of us, we have 6 kids (we each have 3).

The difficult thing with Love and Marriage in this situation is that 2 people have fallen in love, but there are 6 other people that this is thrust upon. Blending and making everyone feel included can be taxing. After all... if 7 people are good and 1 person acts a little nuts... it can make the whole house of cards... shaky.

L has a daughter like that. Everyone can live in peace except this one person. It has nothing to do with whether I'm there or not. She isolates and attempts to reign in terror.

The questions is... how do you show love to someone that you would rather walk away from when they enter the room? She is after all... only a teenager.

100 days of marriage

2011-09-22T11:20:00.002-05:00

I have been married for 103 days today. Wow... Interestingly enough "L" and I have known each other for less than a year.

WOW.

The interesting thing about marriage is that there are no money back guarantees... so you better choose right.

L and I are getting closer every day. I cannot imagine what life was like before her. We still have open and honest communication, we hold each other accountable, and really enjoy each other.

Happy 100 days, babe!

Trying something new

2011-09-22T09:32:00.001-05:00

I always promised myself that I would use my Galaxy Tab as a productivity tool and not as a toy to only play games, listen to music, or watch video. The only game that I have loaded on it is chess.

I do use it, to catch up on the news, check e-mail, social networking (twitter AND facebook), and of course for taking pictures.

Lately, I've decided to go a little further. Today, I downloaded Workout Trainier. It's an app that will work you through various workouts with a virtual coach.

I'm trying to make my life so there is no excuse. Remove all hinderances... Move forward!

I'll do it... tomorrow

2011-09-22T07:07:00.003-05:00

I love to-do lists. I have so much to do, that I often write it down to make sure that I don't forget to do things. There's a great sense of accomplishment when you strike something off your list. It's like.. you've accomplished something.

Earlier this week, I found an organizer for my Samsung Galaxy Tab called "Do It Tomorrow". This to-do list has 2 pages... today and tomorrow. You put things on your list and you have the option of moving it to tomorrow. If you don't get it done, it will automatically move the task to the next day! An excellent app for procrastinators! HOORAY!

I've tried it out for a week, and true to form, I got about 30% of the items that I put on the list done. It worked like a charm! But... as I read on twitter:

Your desires w/o a date aren't goals, they're whims! Put a date to ur dreams and make them doable goals & a reality! - Don Brawley

So... I found this new app called "myLifeOrganized" or MLO as avid fans call it.

WOW, this is a powerful tool. You can set up projects, give yourself deadlines, set up recurring tasks... I spent an hour prioritizing what needed to be done in my life with due dates.

I could also tell what really wasn't important in my life because I didn't put dates by them... so I guess those aren't really hard and fast goals... are they.

Anyway... if you get a chance, check it out:http://www.mylifeorganized.net/

Current Struggles

2011-09-21T10:09:00.001-05:00

Nothing feels as good as being health except:

eating a greasy bacon double cheeseburger
warm cake
apple pie and ice cream
steaming hot brownies

Really, the list goes on and on. Being healthy feels good, but unfortunately, you have to work in order to be healthy, and it's the work part that doesn't feel good. Eating healthy fuels the body, but it doesn't give you the same comforts as food that contains "fat". What is it about food that contains fat that makes you feel so good?

I wish I knew.

Anyway, I'm back at it again. I've started eating healthy again, and getting into the gym at least 5 days a week. I have got to get under 200 pounds... but the transition is hard. I know I'll feel better when I get there, but getting there is NO fun.

Role Models

2011-08-29T12:16:00.000-05:00

I have never been one to play the race card... I think that each unique race brings its own unique benefits to the table. I've always tried to be the type of person that would study all ethnicity's and pick the best from each and bring them to the table.

So... the question is... why am I bringing this up today?

I was looking for a picture of a black couple and was surprised to see how sexually suggestive most of them were. Then I decided to look and see how other races were depicted around the internet.

So... my question to you today is this... how do you view other races? Do you have any stereotypes?

Live and learn...

2011-08-04T22:40:00.000-05:00

So... I decided to try a pre-work out supplement - Jack3d. Under ordinary circumstances, I eat very healthy. I'm 92% vegetarian, I don't ingest caffeine, and I track calories, sodium, sugar, potassium and fat in my diet on nearly a daily basis.

I went to GNC and they suggested that I add a few things to my diet - a multivitamin and a pre-work out supplement.

The multivitamin has turned my urine bright yellow. A side effect of the Vitamin B...

The Jack3d has caffeine. I like the energy that I get from it, but the caffeine dependency - even after 4 days is driving me crazy. 4 days in...and work out is good.

Caffeine

2011-08-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

Apparently, most supplements have caffeine. I generally have a caffeine intake of 0mg/day. That's right. I live my life in a caffeine free way. Because I fuel my body in an *ahem* clean way - never taking in anything that is (too) bad, when I start adding things to my regimen I pay attention.

What I'm feeling right now is the caffeine drop off... the drain. I hate this part...

A familiar feeling...

2011-08-03T09:38:00.000-05:00

My leg muscles hurt. Primarily my calves and hamstrings. I did day #2 of the insanity work out yesterday. There was a lot of squatting and jumping. Usually, when I head to the gym and work out on the machines (Cybex, treadmill, elliptical, the new fangled stepper thing) - I can work out hard, not bother to stretch and do it again the next day with no issues.

With Insanity... I feel it. my body feels like it had a work out.

This is the 4th or 5th time that I've started Insanity. Generally, my body gives out before I do. I end up suffering from muscle fatigue and I can't make it through the work out by the end of the 2nd week. I see improvements, I just can't sustain the work out.

I eat very cleanly when I do something like this. There's no need to defeat yourself by eating poorly and working out this hard. Although I'm 92% vegetarian, I consume an adequate amount of protein and I supplement with protein bars in between my major meals.

I'm doing something different this time, I'm actually using real supplements!

Here's my eating day:

8am - Oatmeal

10am - Zone Perfect Bar

12am - Lunch (Usually a chicken, vegetable, pasta medley)

2pm - Zone Perfect Bar

4pm - Dinner (Tempeh or Tofu)

I'm using the following supplements:

Jack3d - pre-workout

MDrive - breakfast/lunch

GNC Mega Men Sport - breakfast

We'll see how this works out...

Day 2 of working out...

2011-08-03T05:54:00.000-05:00

As much as I complain about working out, there are interesting benefits that I do like, For example, after only working out for 2 days I actually stand taller. It's almost like the muscles have awakened and they're sayiung "yes! we're being used again!!!"

The hardest part is going ot the gym... alone. Starting a high intensity work out... alone... And pushing myself as hard as I can because if I don't do it, no-one will. It's the ultimate test of self-discipline. The thing that I need to really grasp is that "if I can excel in this... I can excel in anything." SO I need to carry this drive over into other aspects of my life. Right?

There are so many areas that I rely on raw talent, that if I added discipline, I would be a super star.

Anyway... those are my motivational thoughts for the day.

Get-r-done!

Day 1... finished...

2011-08-02T10:08:00.000-05:00

It truly is amazing how quickly you can get out of shape.

I completed Day 1 of Insanity... again, and it completely kicked my but. Not too long ago, I was in the gym 5 days/week. I would do an intensive cardio work out, a little strength training... it felt good. I made the mistake of going roller skating and tweaking my knee. I took a couple weeks off... ate really poorly... the scale didn't say that I gained weight, but I could kind of feel it in the way that fat weighs less than muscle.

Anyway... I went to the gym... did the fit test... and WOW... what? It kicked my butt. The numbers were around the same as they were when I started Insanity the 1st time over 1 1/2 years ago. It was like all the progress that I made... had been stifled.

No worries tho... I'm back on track.

This time? No stopping until I'm under 200 pounds!

The First Day...

2011-08-01T12:38:00.000-05:00

After a few false starts, I'm starting the Insanity work out... again. I plan on eating cleanly. Doing all 6 days of the work out... I will... I WILL get this done...

What do you dare???

2011-07-25T08:57:00.000-05:00

On my way home today I stopped by a rest area on the highway and took a picture of a monument that states: "We dare defend our rights." The sun was behind me, so there was no way that I could take the picture without my shadow in the picture. I boldly centered myself in the picture... and "snap!"

In looking at the picture, I saw something that I don't usually see when I look in the mirror... and that is - how far my spare tire extends over my waist. Wow... I'm fat.

So... what do I dare?

I dare to buck the trend of being in one of the fattest states... I'm all into eating healthy... exercising... getting fit.

I have my life in line... my blog helped with that. Now? I have to get my health in line.

Here's to my battle of the bulge!

On small step for man...

2011-07-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

Lately, life seems to be a little too "one step forward, to steps back" for me.

Not in the sense that there's anything wrong with married life. I have married the most incredible woman on the planet. There is so much love, respect, and cooperation abounding that it makes my first 16 year marriage seem like it was run by a bunch of 5th graders with a limited trust fund - recklessly dysfunctional.

It's all the other things that are messing with my 2011 action plan.

I'm still trying to manage life in 3 different cities... this causes havoc in my monetary and dietary goals.

Honestly, my diet has been LOUSY for the last 3 weeks... I admit it, part of it is completely stress related.

So... what am I going to do about this?

Discipline.

I need to get back to a disciplined lifestyle.

So let it be.

Yeah... not so much...

2011-06-24T06:59:00.001-05:00

When I was a teenager I wasn't the type of person that attracted good looking women. I was always the friend.

When I was in my 20's, it wasn't much different... but I DID get my first "real" girlfriend. She weighed at least 50 pounds more than me. Didn't quite know what to do with a girlfriend, but we had a child and were married for 15 years.

When we divorced, and I started dating again, it was more of the same... the world wasn't ready for someone that was nice and genuine as me. I had a lot of first dates.. not very many 2nd dates. I dated a few women - but none of them lasted over 3 months. Primarily because I didn't want to compromise. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that was shallow or needed to be in a relationship. In my mind, I raised one wife, couldn't raise another one.

So, now I'm in my early 40's... I met this incredible woman... married her.

catching up...

2011-06-21T15:57:00.000-05:00

Okay... so, I was doing this strange countdown until my marriage... right? Well... the task has been done. We're married now. The one thing that I'm sure of is that I've chosen well. I have chosen the most incredible woman that matches my personality well.

Why is it so important that she match my personality? Why can't we match each others personality?

That, my friend, is a good question...

My personality can be a little... obnoxious. I admit it.

I like open and honest communication. Even if it makes me uncomfortable. I really want to know what's going on inside your head.

I don't like leaving things unresolved.

I obsess over problems or open action items.

More later... just wanted to bring the countdown to closure...

8 Days...

2011-06-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

In 8 days and 13 hours I will be a married man.

People ask me 2 questions now, which are pretty annoying to me:

Are you nervous?
Are you excited?

When I answer no to each question, people always say "I would be..."

Okay, so maybe it's no to being nervous... because I chose well...

Excited... not so much... annoyed is more like it. Why did we choose a date so far out???!!!

Same shirt

2011-05-27T09:44:00.000-05:00

Today I am wearing the same shirt not the same shirt as yesterday, but the shirt but I've dubbed the "same shirt."
I call it the "same shirt" because I purchased it when I was 285 pounds with the intent of being able to fit in it one day.

Today it represents an unfinished job.

I can button the "same shirt" but the job isn't done yet. I don't have a flat stomach. I still have a little "dunlop" where although my stomach hasn't "done lopped" over my belt... It still protrudes further than it needs to.

I need to finish the job... I need to lose another 30 pounds... at a minimum.

So... today, I'm 225... back to where I stopped the first time...

Now, it's time to finish the job!

True Love Waits

2011-05-26T15:02:00.000-05:00

The interesting thing about having been married before is that you know what sex is. You know how awesome it is to be with the person that you love and to fully be able to give yourself to that person. It's an awesome thing.

To some degree, I think we have cheapened sexuality by exploiting it when we see someone that we're attracted to or just for the sake of horniness.

My fiancée and I have both been married. My marriage ended in divorce and hers ended with the death of her husband. So we both have had sex in the confines of a marriage.

The hardest thing for us was not going "there" while we were dating.

So... she wears 2 rings. An engagement ring... and a promise ring.

15 days... and the promise is fulfilled.

The countdown says...

2011-05-26T14:55:00.000-05:00

So... in 15 days I will no longer be a single man. I'll be married. I will have a wife. I will be a husband.

Interesting.

So... how do I feel about this?

That's a good questions.

I feel good.

I mean, the first time I got married out of obligation. I married this woman that I barely knew that I knocked up when I was in college. For 15 years we had a really weird relationship based upon the fact that we had a family together and really not much else in common.

To some degree, she resented me for her predicament, and if I had to be totally honest - I probably held some resentment too.

The result of all of this was that I truly became gun shy and I never thought that I would marry again. I set my expectations very high and I was ready to end things at the drop of a hat.

I always believed that I would settle down if I found that one person that got relationship the way that I did, but when it comes to dating, I was pretty sure that my viewpoint was definitely not the norm.

I mean... open and honest communication. Who does that? Everyone basically lives in some weird sort of shame...

Trust? Everyone has been done wrong a million times, so trust is hard earned.

Faith in God? That impacts the way you live your life??? Mostly in word only, never in deed or action.

That's where I set my bar.

I also thought that I could teach someone these things... thus the 2 year plan. Learn my system...

But you can't teach someone how to be something that they naturally are... so I changed my tact. I started looking for people that naturally possessed these qualities.

Well... I found her.

In 15 days we'll be married.

And in my mind... that's the way it should have been since the beginning.... so, I'm at peace.

Going Commando!!!

2011-05-24T13:52:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of TMI (Too Much Information - for the uninitiated...) here's my story for the day...

I've been hitting the gym daily. I generally go before work. It's great... I basically burn somewhere between 500 and 800 calories 4 to 5 days a week. I get up in the morning, iron my clothes, head out the door... the...

30 minutes on the treadmill
30 minutes on the bike
30 minutes on the elliptical

Then, I take a shower, dress, head to work...

BUT... for the last week, I've forgotten my underwear! So... I roll into work au natural.

It's liberating...

Okay, now back to work...

17 Days...

2011-05-24T05:08:00.000-05:00

So... we're 17 days away from the wedding. I can honestly say that time is c.r.a.w.l.i.n.g. by. It's moving slowly.

So... what's on my mind? Well, honestly, the wedding. There are some things that absolutely need to be done. We have figured out what I'm going to wear. FINALLY. We've figured out what the boys are going to wear... my 3... her 1...

I'm not going to wear a suit. I'm wearing a linen shirt and linen pants. White and tan. The boys are going to be in black shirts tan pants. It should be a nice contrast for the wedding.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to getting away for the week. Since 1992 I'm not sure that I've ever taken more than a 4 days... and those usually were around a weekend. I think the longest trip that I ever took was to Bermuda. Other than that, it was just a weekend away here or there.

I'm looking forward to taking my first week long trip. We're going on our honeymoon to an undisclosed location in the mountains.

Anyway.... more to come...

24 Days and counting

2011-05-24T04:13:00.000-05:00

Well... it's 24 days until my wedding, and what's on my mind? Dr. Braggs Liquid Aminos!

Well, my friend, you're probably wondering what I'm wondering... "what are liquid aminos?"

It's a soy sauce that vegetarians use in order to add flavor to things like tempeh...

25 Days and Counting...

2011-05-17T10:54:00.000-05:00

So... in 25 days I'm going to get married. For all the people that thought that this day would never come... it is, and it's coming fast. So, what's on my mind today?

TEMPEH

What is tempeh? It's a vegetarian protein that you can cook and serve in a number of ways... good stuff...

Back on target

2011-05-03T08:30:00.000-05:00

This has been a very good year in some ways and a bad year in other ways. In good ways, I have been working on planning a marriage with a woman that I truly love. It has taken me a long time to find her, and I can say that she is perfect for me - and believe me - my normal scrutinizing eye hasn't changed.

On the bad side, my diet has SUCKED!

I have been sedentary at work, as the nature of my job... then in the evenings, I'm on the phone with Lisa... so the pounds have started to add up.

This is a bad thing because it goes against my mantra "Once a pound is lost, it stays lost."

Well, 5 of those pounds found their way home and brought 15 of their closest friends to party around my mid-section. (For those slow on the uptake, I've gained 20 pounds.)

I have to admit that all of it wasn't because I ate poorly... I was trying to eat well. My overall goal was to drop my sodium intake to about 1500mg/day based on something that I read. I also needed to hit about 1800 calories/day. The problem with doing that was that I chose to supplement with various nuts (peanuts, almonds, pepitas, etc.) because they are high in protein, low in sodium and a handful is about 120 calories... great snack.

The problem with adding nuts is that they are not filling.... so I always had this "hungry" feeling - so I would eat more... you got it... nuts! So, I inadvertently went from 1800 calories a day to about 3000. 3000 calories + a sedentary lifestyle = weight gain.

It took me a second to figure that out.

Now? I'm back on track!

2011-04-28T09:21:00.000-05:00

I chose todays image because I was thinking about couples and the way that they look.

To me, couples are viewed a few different ways:

through her eyes
through his eyes
through the eyes of others

I know, that as an optimist, I will always view everything that we do in a positive light. I always work to find the good. When I see something that's awry I think of ways to make it better. I don't like hiding things in hopes that they'll go away. They never do... if unwatched, I believe, things have a way of turning into a wedge that can push couples apart.

I don't really care about how others view us - that's because everyone has their own dysfunction in their own relationships.

I DO care about how we look in the eyes of who I am dating/marrying. Is she optimistic, pessimistic, fear/worry driven... I want to know how she see us. It's important to me that I am aware of how she views us so I can strive to make sure that we're both moving in a direction that is positive for us.

I take this approach because Jesus prayed a prayer that said "Make them one, even as We are one" for his disciples. The Bible also says "can two walk together unless they be agreed?" I believe we can be strong as a couple if we embrace this and keep our views in sync.

4 Month Checkup

2011-04-27T05:55:00.000-05:00

It's been a little while since I've blogged, so I decided to do a little spot check on how I'm doing this year and see how I'm doing so far.

For starters... my action plan has been ... BLAH. There have been so many monkey wrenches thrown into my world that it's just crazy. I think I've gained about 10 pounds and I can't seem to make time to work out.

The crazy thing is... I was actually eating healthy during my weight gain. I added various buts to my diet and accidentally bumped my calorie count up too high. Since it takes 3500 calories to lose a pound and my life has become increasingly sedentary life has become... frustrating in that regard.

On the positive side, we've been planning a wedding. This has been interesting and not as stressful as I thought it would be. We have a schedule and it looks like we're doing pretty well...

More later.

rental Wedding Cakes?

2011-04-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

So... it's been a minute since my last post. In all honesty, so much has been going on that I haven't had the opportunity to post.. So... let me catch you up on what's been going on in my world and write a little bit about how I'm feeling at the moment.

The future in-laws on both sides have been met.. There was no bloodshed. Everyone likes everyone else. that's good...

We ended up doing an exercise called the "6 Thinking Hats" - it's kind of a way of looking at all sides of thing to find out what the real issues are and where to address your attention. That's when we found out that we didn't have a location set for the wedding... OOPS.

We have actually come up with a location... and that's good... I'm finishing up the paperwork and sending the deposit now.

It's getting real now.

I'm excited!

52 days and counting...

Oh... now, on to rental wedding cakes.

The picture above is a rental wedding cake! How, pray tell, do you rent a wedding cake?

The cake itself is made out of like a Styrofoam. It has a hidden compartment for real slices of cake for the bride and groom. Once the first "piece" is exchanged the "rental cake" is taken to the back and slices of a sheet cake are brought out to everyone else.

How cool is that?

Family Dynamics

2011-04-06T06:43:00.000-05:00

Part I

Family dynamics are an interesting thing. For me, it's all about managing my family. I have to be careful about the information that I give them, when I give it to them, and how I give it to them. The rationale behind this lies in the fact that any information that I give them will eventually be turned to gossip and information that they don't have will be filled in with their own imagination.

I am beginning to understand who I can share information with and who I can't.

I do it by leaking certain pieces of information, and watching it get spread throughout the family.

The whole thing would be different if they could talk like adults... but they don't. They use subtle manipulation, guilt, and any other means that they can use with the exception of the being direct and adult. They don't talk like grown people do... which makes it hard to talk with them on a peer to peer level.

Each of them has a weird twisted "thing" in their head that they think lends additional weight to their opinion...

"I'm your Mother...", or "I'm your older brother..."

It's just weird.

Part II

I had the opportunity to meet L's Mom this weekend. L has a very matriarchal extended family. Her mother rules with fear and a heavy hand. Everyone trembles and shakes at the power of her voice because no-one... NO ONE ever can escape her will. She always gets her way.

It was a very long weekend. The first morning we were together, we were the proud recipients of no less than 5 hours of marital counseling in 2 1/2 hour segments. I think over the course of the weekend we were talked at for at least 10 hours.

I listened with a fair amount with great respect. And then it happened.

I had to show her my backbone.

I told her to put her cards on the table. That we would discuss her concerns one by one...

We did, respectfully.

L says I earned her respect that day.

I love L. She's my boo...

The thing about life...

2011-03-31T03:51:00.000-05:00

The thing about life is that there are hills and valleys. The way I look at it, it's possible to be discontent in each!

When you're at the top, it can be too cold, too damp, the wind can be too high... you may have trouble finding the sustenance that you need... you can't live on the mountaintop forever... you have to climb down... only to climb back up again... what's the point?

When you're in the valley you're kind of penned in by these really high oppressing peaks on all sides of you, you live in the shadows of these big ominous things that hide the light from you.If you want to see what's going on around you you have to climb to the top... it's just tiring... draining.

People can spend their entire life wishing to be in one place or the other. It's a frustrating cycle.

There was a time when we understood that. When we were a hearty people that would make the best of things wherever we were.

Now? We're so consumer oriented. We want everything to be nice and calm... easy.

Not me... I like the challenges of both.

Task Oriented Christianity

2011-03-29T09:45:00.001-05:00

A lot of times, Christians view themselves as these servants. Servants that are dispatched to do certain tasks and the only vested interest that they have in that task is getting it over as quickly as possible because it's too much like work. Examples of this are:

going to church on a weekly basis
serving once a week in the nursery or with the greeters or some other ministry
contributing to an offering
showing up early to set up for a program

It's all very task oriented.

The interesting is that God doesn't call us to be task oriented. In the Bible it says:

Now you are no longer servants, but God's own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir. (Gal 4:7)

This opens up a whole new ball of wax.

When you sit at the Kings table, you're in on the planning. the King tells you what is on his mind. There is intimacy there. You are expected to participate - but with knowledge and with your resources. There will be times when you're asked to take a leadership role. You level and activity level takes on a whole new view point because of the realization that your wealth in the kingdom is tied into the wealth of the King. It's ownership and not just subservience.

When we think about Christianity, do we look at is as tasks supporting of distant God because it's what expected, or do we see our inheritance?

Believe me... that subtle change of view changes the way you work, live, act...

Unbalanced load

2011-03-20T11:05:00.001-05:00

I am a big fan of balance... But sometimes in the course of human events, things become unbalanced. For me, it's usually happens in an area of my life where I am trying to be intentional.

I have gained 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. My time management sucks. The areas that I wanted to key in on are in shambles.

So... True to my blog, I have to write about the mundane things to keep me in check.

Starting tomorrow.

Work isn't personal...

2011-03-17T14:39:00.000-05:00

They say that work isn't personal. I truly believe that. If I disagree with you or whatever, I do not view the person any differently out of work. Even inside work, as long as we're not working on the same project I can be cordial, nice, whatever. HOWEVER, if we are working on the same project... it's a different story.

By nature, I am a non confrontational person. I go to work to accomplish a task. The things that frustrate me most are when there's no clear vision, people don't value my opinion, when things are done randomly with no sense of order and when there's no communication.

If you put all of those things together, the likelihood of me actually wanting to perform at my best is somewhat diminished. I will do the bare minimum to reduce MY OWN frustration levels.

I love it when I'm in charge of a team. When you give me the reigns, I will do my research from the people that know infinitely more than me... set a vision, and hold people to that vision and time table. I make sure everyone is engaged and every team member knows the direction that we're heading.

Anyway... that's my rant for today.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Now... I feel much better.

Guarding your heart...

2011-03-15T07:01:00.000-05:00

My fiancée and I had an interesting conversation. I was going to have dinner with an old college friend... a female friend. Now, in my mind, this person was like a sister... is like a sister to me. However... she's a recent widow. One of the things that -L- said was that when she lost her husband, she would look at men with a slightly different way.

I don't always understand the inner thinking of the mind of women, so I have to trust the woman that I love to help guard my heart and my affections.

This is kind of new for me. New on a couple of levels... I had a wife that really didn't care one way or another. She didn't mind if I hung out with female friends... the only time she really minded anything was towards the end when she knew it was all over.

After that, I was single and the only person that I had to worry about was me, and my own opinions on who I wanted in my life... and I guarded that well.

Now... there's a new component. There's a woman in my life that loves me and cherishes me. This is kind of new and a paradigm shift in the way that I have to think about my social interactions.

Selah

Going Viral

2011-03-15T06:47:00.000-05:00

So... I wrote "Romance 101" yesterday. I shared it with a small set of friends to test drive it. Many thought it was funny. I then shared it with an e-mail group that I belong to that shares funny videos. I'm hoping to see if this really goes viral.

I have one item that has gone viral before. I coined the phrase "G.A.S." many years ago... "Gear Acquisition Syndrome" - which is a disorder that musicians face when they see a new piece of gear that they must have because in their mind, they think it will make them perform better.

Anyway... wish me luck!

Romance 101

2011-03-14T10:38:00.004-05:00

If you ask a hundred people this question, you will get 100 different answers. So... I decided my best chance at understnding the true meaning behind this elusive "thing" called romance was to look it up in the dictionary.

First, "romance" can be used as an adjective, noun, verb.

Interesting...

As an adjective, "romance" means: of, relating to, or being any of the languages developed from Latin (as Italian, French, and Spanish).

So... when she says she wants a little "romance" I can say in my best Rico Suave voice... "tienes un sonrisa que llena mi vida de allegria..."

NICE!...

As a noun, "romance" means:

a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious(3) : a love story especially in the form of a novelb : a class of such literature

So... I can read a book to her...

2: something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact

I can tell a lie...

3: an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity

We can dress up in Medeival clothing?

4: love affair

I had to look this one up... it means: a lively enthusiasm

So... when she says "romance" I can tell her about my fascination with my Android Galaxy Tab! Awesome!

5capitalized : the Romance languages

So... when she says she wants "Romance" - she really wants to learn Latin, Italian or Spanish???

As a verb, romance can either be intransitive or transitive... whatever that means...

intransitive verb

1: to exaggerate or invent detail or incident

She wants me to tell her that her eyes are as blue as the ocean and her hair as golden as amber waves of grain?

2: to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

She really just wants me to think about all the things that I've written here so far...

transitive verb

1: to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery

Maybe... just maybe... she wants me to buy her something... FINALLY something I know I can do!

So... maybe that''s where guys have gone wrong all these years... when a woman says she wants romance... she really just wants us to buy her something... I'm on my way to the store now to get buy my sweetie a #2 Pencil... I hope she likes it!

How close can you get???

2011-03-07T12:20:00.000-06:00

So... here's the dilemma. I've been married before and have 3 sons. I've had sex. The new chic... the one I'm engaged to has 3 children as well... she's had sex. We both have a commitment to our Christian values and have decided that we're not going to have sex until we're married.

The questions that we have wrestled with is... how close can you get without crossing the line?

The problem that I am facing is that going too far might as well mean not even bothering to wait.

Anyway, it's hard... sticking to the commitment. Just a few more short months and I can say I've done it!... We've done it! We will have managed to build a relationship on our merits and not on a physical crutch...

2011-03-02T11:45:00.000-06:00

Why the glum face??? Because I'm cooking! Yes... I'm cooking again.

Last year I did Nutrisystem, I lost about 10 pounds using that system. Later on, I moved to Healthy Choices because they were convenient, cost less... BUT... I always ended up hungry which led to episodes of binge eating.

In a stroke of brilliance, I decided to start cooking.

Cooking is interesting... and fun.

Cooking is definitely loer in sodium, and you can get more and more full because you get free items, like vegetables. Foods are also higher in water content that help you feel full.

It may take extra time to actually do the food preparation, but it tastes better and it's more satisfying. I don't think it's more expensive in the long run either.

What am I thinking...

2011-02-24T10:10:00.009-06:00

This is interesting... my entire blog has been about this internal struggle... and now... it's philosophy of dating and rants against X. What's going on?

Well... I'll tell you what's going on... I have dropped my 2011 action plan. I need to pick it up again. I have been so busy just enjoying life that... well, nothing... it's okay to just enjoy life sometimes.

But, I still need to keep myself accountable. I need to have some expectations of myself about eating healthy, being in shape, and managing my time better. These are all non-negotiable... so, as they say, Monday, I am back on the wall... I am being diligent... again.

Trouble in paradise...

2011-02-24T06:26:00.000-06:00

My relationship is fine... this, really is in reference to X. (For those that don't know... X is what I call my ex-wife)

So... our youngest son wanted to get into a private state run school program, He found out yesterday that he didn't get into the program. I decided that I needed to call him and have a conversation with him about how to handle disappointment. We talked a little about times that I've wanted jobs and didn't get them...

Anyway, I called last night to talk with him and X's future x answered the phone. (Okay... so maybe calling him her future x was bad...) The phone rang a little too long, The "live in guy" answers the phone... in a gruff way. Of course I politely say "May I speak with 'the youngest son'?"

He gives X the phone... instead of 'the youngest son'... who says multiple times:

"When you drop off the son, drop him off in the street and not in the driveway."

Now... I'm at a loss... I'm trying to work through an issue with OUR son, and this is her topic of conversation?

Well... while I was talking to 'the youngest son', I could hear X and x arguing in the background...

You know... sometimes people ask me about my 1st marriage and if I would go back... if there are things that I would change or have done differently... in the grand scheme of things I think I realize that some people get what's important... and some people don't. And that will never change.

At first, I felt a little smug hearing them in the background... then I felt sad. I may not have feelings for her, but I don't like it when anyone is in a relationship where there's control and fear.

Love is like a 3 layer cake...

2011-02-23T06:05:00.000-06:00

Love is complex... it has layers. The 2 questions that need to be asked are:

What are those layers
What holds them together

For some, the layers are past experiences, fear, selfishness held together by guilt.

For others, the layers are desire for family, external expectations, biological clocks glued together by hopes and dreams.

I could go on and on with examples... but I wanted to share with you what my winning combination is...

Like - first, at some fundamental level, you have to actually genuinely like the other person, Can you hang out and just be you... be silly, be serious... just be.

Love - love is important, because love covers a multitude of sins. What that means is that you have a certain amount of... grace, or forgiveness. You care for the person just because... It encompasses multiple aspects... you have friendship, comradery, passion, and unmerited favor.

Relating on a higher level - For me, it's a relationship based in common Christian values.

You can have these layers... but you need something to hold these layers together. For me, it's the fact that God is involved in both of our lives. I can't tell you the number of times that in prayer time that God has spoken the same thing to both of... and that's what brings us together and helps our 3 layer cake stay together.

What's your cake like?

A novel idea...

2011-02-22T06:52:00.001-06:00

Sometimes in relationships, love is an afterthought.

I mean... really, a lot of times we think about love when it comes to romance, special occasions, Valentines day... but other than that, it really becomes a cliche. It becomes as common place as saying Hello or Good Bye.

But... what if love wasn't an afterthought?

What if love... was an intentional action that governs the way that two people interact with each other?

What would that look like?

I can tell you that it would probably be difficult, because you have to sometimes not act in a selfish way... you have to compromise... you have to sacrifice...

That's the thought for today... don't make love an afterthought.

Scripture Of The Day: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." - John 13:34 (NIV)

Last Of The Wedding Talk

2011-02-18T05:46:00.000-06:00

Okay... Lisa's best friend "the event planner" friend has views of where she would like to be, that doesn't necessarily line up with what Lisa and I have been talking about. On the positive side... I don't have to talk with her about managing the expectations of her friend!

At the moment, we have narrowed it down to 2 venues. One is rather artistic... and the other is at a nice room in a restaurant. We're going to look at both of them tomorrow.

I am leaning towards the room at the restaurant. It seats 40... we're expecting 30.

Let me digress a moment. Why are we planning for 30? Honestly, We could have more... 100... 200 easy... but we decided to make it about the people that are closest to us and not just about the people that want to come and what and see and gawk... and talk behind out backs about the venue, how we're dressing, blah blah blah.

Okay... where was I?

The wedding... we're both leaning towards the restaurant. It's within our price range and think it would be cool... imagine if you will... a close and intimate setting... exchanging vows surrounded by our inner circle... then, we'll end up serving them a 3 course meal.. before we run away to our cabin of love!

And the countdown begins...

2011-02-17T09:11:00.000-06:00

"Welcome to the real word, she said to me... condescendingly...

Take a seat... take your life... plot it out in black and white..." John Mayer

I just realized that I'm getting married in June. We've gone from making the statement "I'm going to marry you one day" to actually knowing what the date is. A ring has been placed on the finger... reservations have been made for the honeymoon and now? We're looking at wedding venues.

Wow.

June is coming up quickly... very quickly... and there's a lot to do.

We have made reservations for the honeymoon already. Now we're looking at venues... And I'm looking at my bank account!!! (I know that's a terrible thing to say, but I'm still in recovery from the divorce. I'm 2 years from being debt free... but still have a lot of funds allocated with limited disposable income.)

So... I'm walking the tightrope of wanting her to have the day that she deserves couples with what I can logically help her accomplish.

Letting go...

2011-02-16T09:13:00.000-06:00

I have a problem with letting go of people once they're in my life. I don't care if we dated... if you wanted to date me... if I wanted to date you... If I care enough to invite you into my world... it's difficult for me to let go.

Lately, that's exactly what I've been doing. Slowly letting people go. Deleting them from my phone... Facebook account, old e-mails... I am doing the purge.

I am finding that for some people, it's easier... they help remind me why I need to excise them from my life... I can't stand their negativity. Others, it was just about equity... I was always more invested in keeping the friendship than they were.

Either way... letting go can be good sometimes.

Building Lasting Relationships...

2011-02-15T10:59:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while, I read something that is worth sharing... this is one of those times... please take the time to read what is listed below...

------------------------

A Recipe for Relationships

Micca Monda Campbell

"... he loved him as he loved himself."

1 Samuel 20:17b (NIV)

Devotion:

My mother use to tell me to count myself lucky if I had just one "close friend." That's because close life-long relationships are hard to come by.

So many people today are looking for meaningful relationships, yet so few actually find them. We are becoming an increasingly private society, and it seems fewer people than ever have life-long intimate friendships. Still, the desire for this kind of relationship is not only sought after, but necessary.

Women are naturally drawn to other women. In fact, a girl's first experience with heartache may have been over a lost "best friend" rather than a "boy friend." Women value friendships. When they are lost, we grieve; not just over the friendship itself, but also for the secrets shared, the trust given and the acceptance enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep causing us to wonder if intimate friendships are really possible.

When I think of a biblical example of real friendship, the story of David and Jonathan, found in 1 Samuel 19, always comes to mind.

Jonathan, son of King Saul, was David's closest friend. But his father, the king, despised David because he was growing in popularity and because God had anointed David to be king. These facts enraged King Saul, so much that he commanded his aids and Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan loved David, therefore betrayal was impossible.

Love isn't the only fruit of true friendship. A real relationship consists of sacrifice too.

Jonathan stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father's throne, but we see him sacrificing his future for his best friend as he literally gave David his place as king.

You and I can learn from this action that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above our own.

Loyalty is also a mark of true friendship. We're told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. Jonathan also stood up to his dad and essentially said, "Dad, you're wrong about David. He hasn't done any wrong to you; in fact, everything he's done has helped you." A true friend is a loyal defense before others, one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other.

Finally, intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. In an intimate friendship, you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You're just free to do it.

When Jonathan gave David the news that things were troubled in the palace and that his dad was going to kill him, the two were forced to say goodbye. The text tells us that they wept together.

When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and she'll understand. She won't try to dismiss your misery or tell you to straighten up. Intimate friends let each other hurt and they weep together. If your friend needs to talk it through, you will listen. Intimate friends don't bale; they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what "self" looks like in that moment.

If you're looking for a godly recipe for relationships, look no further. Mix together love, sacrifice, loyalty, and freedom and you can create an intimate friendship that lasts a lifetime.

Dear Lord, help me to be a friend like Jonathan. Then, bless me with the same. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Now... that's love...

2011-02-14T09:26:00.000-06:00

So... I got engaged this weekend. I had sent Lisa a picture of the ring... and she agreed that it was a nice ring...

BUT...

The things that she didn't communicate to me were BIG...

It was VERY similar to the one that her deceased husband purchased her
It was 1/2 carat smaller

So... she received the ring... she looked at it... she said thank you... then... came the honest communication.

"I am a little disappointed. I am use to a full carat... it's okay... I know we're engaged... I don't have to wear a ring..."

I listened carefully... heart breaking slightly inside. I know what my budget is and my dedication to become debt free and how I manage my finances... this was singularly the most expensive thing that I had ever purchased for someone and I purchased it out of my "need" and not out of my excess.

I listened very carefully to what she said... I applauded her for telling me what she said. I value honest and open communication very much and I know how hard it was for her to be able to say that to me. That type of honesty and open communication is what I try hard to keep and maintain that.

Later on in the day, I pulled her aside and I apologized to her because I felt that I was being a hypocrite. I cannot embrace open and honest communication if I don't do it myself.

I talked with her about the ring... I reminded her of my current financial situation, and how the purchase was a sacrifice. She understands that my financial situation changes as I retire debt and my child support decree comes to an end...

She listened and said that she really felt sad that she was more concerned about what others felt than the depth of our love for each other.

Understanding how hard it was for me to say what I said... and for her to say what she said... we both agreed that what we had was far more valuable than anything that anyone else would say...

It took her less than a half day to start wearing the ring because it had true symbolism and meaning... it meant I loved her hard enough to sacrifice for her... and that she loves me enough to not care what others will say.

I think we're going to be okay... because we have something rare... a true and deep love.

2011-02-09T08:37:00.002-06:00

I was listening to one of my favorite Pastors today and he was talking about prayer and the way that we pray. He was talking about how we use prayer as a list of things that we want God to do and indicated that we might miss the other side... which is what God is trying to do in our lives.

Philippians 2:12-13 (New Living Translation)

¹² Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. ¹³ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

We miss the fact that God is working in us giving us the desire and power to do what pleases him.

Imagine that for a moment... God, who framed the universe, the One that can do what appears to be impossible wants to endow us with the power to do what pleases him.

That's really what I want to see in my life... what things God will work out in my life... not the things that I can imagine.

Lord, help me to understand that it's not all about me. Grant me the eyes to see how you're working in me and the plans that you have. Let me walk boldly in your power and might fearing nothing... but expecting you to move as you have promised in your Word. Amen.

Sleep Cycles

2011-02-08T08:43:00.000-06:00

My sleep cycles are off... again.

I can accept the fact that I only sleep 5 hours a night. That's not a problem. Under ordinary circumstances I actually like it. It lets me get a lot done.. I'm learning to make the most of my time.

My current problem is that I have been falling asleep at 9pm which means... I wake up at 2am. So by the time afternoon at work rolls around, I've been up for nearly 12 hours and I'm not at my sharpest.

Brilliant.

On the other side of the coin... a few positives...

I have been reading more. I have managed to regain my love for reading. The Kindle and Kindle readers are great. I don't have to worry about losing book marks or anything like that. It's just... there. NICE.

I am also eating healthy. I have found a way to get my sodium under 1500mg/day. I'm pretty excited about that!

Now... if only I could fall asleep closer to 11pm... yaaaaaaaaawn...

Intimacy

2011-02-04T04:59:00.000-06:00

According to Websters dictionary

Definition of INTIMACY

: the state of being intimate : familiarity

: something of a personal or private nature

But... in our society, you would think that intimacy means

Definition of SEXUALITY

: the quality or state of being sexual:a : the condition of having sexb : sexual activityc : expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive

There is a distinct difference between the two. So... why am I on this rant so early in the morning? I am currently in a long distance relationship and I realize that I am not the sole source of knowledge, so I apply research. I try to find the best practices that exist and borrow from them where applicable. Most of the ideas that they had were based on being sexual and not building the things that endure in the relationship...

Although there is a physical and sexual component to a relationship, there is also:

Spiritual
Emotional
Intellectual
Social
Affectional
Aesthetic

If our society only concentrates on 2 of the aspects, it's no wonder we're in the state that we're in.

Although the distance is tough, I am glad that I'm getting to know her in every dimension. It's a powerful thing...

2011-02-03T08:44:00.000-06:00

Who is in your inner circle? What criteria do you have to make sure that those that are in your inner circle possess the values that you value most? I think, a lot of times, we surround ourselves with people who just want to hang out with us and not with people that we want to be like.

Did you catch that?

We let our circle choose us, we don't choose our circle!

I have a few people that have been in my inner circle for a while. A few people have wondered into my inner circle without ever knowing that they were there or understanding what got them there. For me, the qualities that are most important and endearing to me are:

Tough Love
Truth-telling
Humility

I admit it... there are times when I need a swift kick in the a... behind. I have had people risk our friendship to tell me that I was off course. That's how you truly know if someone cares for you.

The world is full of people that will give you sympathy, a pat on the back, an encouraging word... Trust me, I'm not saying those are bad traits. I've been known to be a cheerleader in the life of my friends on a regular basis.

But there are also times when I just have to go for it... and let them know that the course of action that they're taking will cause them heartache, pain, suffering... It's always gut check time when I do that too... There's a risk in whether or not it's received.

But... that's what true friendship is about. Caring for the other person to be willing to risk it.

I am thankful for those people in my life that care enough for me to not try to make it right but are willing to say "suck it up, pumpkin... do what's right."

It's a part of who I am...

2011-02-01T09:04:00.000-06:00

I have a lot of friends that just don't get it... and sometimes it just makes my heart heavy. I really truly feel pain and sorrow and my breath becomes short and it feels like 1000 pounds are sitting on my chest... so... I have to write about it and get it all out.

Everyone has problems.

The difference is in how people handle their problems.

I understand that my faith and my belief in God are key to me being settled. There are promises that I hold on to that come from the Word of God that grant my comfort.

John 16:32-33 (New Living Translation)

³² But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. ³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 (New Living Translation)

¹⁷ This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

Psalm 143:8 (New Living Translation)

⁸ Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
      for I am trusting you.
   Show me where to walk,
      for I give myself to you.

The entire story of the Bible calls us to hope. That although there are troubles and sorrows, it's temporary. Although we make mistakes, there's a call for new beginnings. That there is guidance, if we turn ourselves over and follow a loving God.

I really don't know who will read this... if anyone... but I am hoping that if you stumble across this message know that it wasn't by mistake... it wasn't an accident. Although it doesn't make sense, there is a God that loves you and cares for you.

Even though it doesn't make sense, neither do the decisions that you've made up to this point... try something different. I did... it works.

31 Days into 2011

2011-02-01T05:21:00.000-06:00

So... we're 31 days into 2011 and how are things going with the action plan?

Things are going well... I had 4 action items:

1) Increase self-discipline
2) Time management
3) Eating healthier
4) Increase my giving

Self-discipline is increasing... not quite where I want it to be... but it's getting better. I'm making progress.

Time management... Some days, time is getting away from me, but on the whole, I'm making time to do those things that are important to me... like reading and going to the gym.

Eating healthier is working... that's going well... with the exception of this past weekend. I blew it bad, but I'm back on the wagon...

I have increased my giving... not as much as I would like, but I am living in fiscal responsibility.

Next spot... end of the month.

Patience... it's a virtue...

2011-01-31T10:33:00.000-06:00

It's tough to have patience. If you really want something your mind gets fixated on it. You become irritable. This thing you want moves from being a desire to becoming an obsession... so the first time you get a chance to obtain it... you jump on it without pondering the consequences.

I was in Walmart yesterday with my sons. The cashier had a tattoo on his forearm. My youngest son remarked that it was a cool looking tattoo. In a moment of honesty, the cashier said - "I wish I wouldn't have done it, it was an impulse... you should really take the time to think about what you're getting before you do, because it will be with you for a lifetime."

In a further moment of honesty he said... "I mean... instead of getting this, it could have been a car payment or something..."

People view relationships the same way. They're alone... and they don't want to be alone... So the first person that pays them attention, they run to without thinking about the consequences, if they fit into their life... they just want to be with someone.

It quickly changes... they go from spending an afternoon together to virtually moving in with each other.

As I've said before, they don't give each other enough time to imprint on each other.

They put themselves at risk for overexposure, and just like in nature, things die from overexposure.

Okay... I know I've mixed a lot of metaphors... just some random thoughts for today...

A moment of honesty....

2011-01-26T06:49:00.000-06:00

In all honesty... I'm a pretty frugal guy. In a lot of instances, I can't see paying a TON of money for something that is just a material thing. I buy used cars... I shop for sales... If I could have gotten away with a $25 engagement ring based upon symbolism, I would have.

I'm not saying that was my intent... to go cheap... It really wasn't, but I am... frugal.

I apply it to my own life as well. I may like nice things, but if I have to wait until the product is discontinued to get it... I will.

Anyway, the picture above is the engagement ring for Lisa. This was a milestone event for me, because I really went out looking for something that I truly liked. Something that caught my eye... something that would speak to her uniqueness as well.

I wasn't shopping price tag. I wasn't shopping name brand... I was shopping heart.

When I saw this ring... it spoke to me. I took the picture and e-mailed it to her for approval.

"Money can't buy happiness, but going cheap sure can tarnish the feeling..."

Loneliness prevails...

2011-01-25T06:25:00.000-06:00

Okay... so I'm dating someone now. As a part of the transition, I am far less accessible than I use to be to all the other single people that I know. The number one question that I get asked is... "can we still be friends?"

Apparently, there is a shortage of people that know how to be friends in the world. True friends, that are interested in your well being and not looking for something in return.

You can call it a grass roots movement of one person trying to change the world...

You can count on me to preserve all my friendships... even in the transition of my life, as long as the friendships stay appropriate.

Memories...

2011-01-19T14:28:00.000-06:00

So... we were in the office talking about "how you know" the person of your dreams is the right person for you. I have always believed that the answer lies in how 2 questions are answered:

What do you like about me?
What would you get my for Christmas/Birthday

These are important questions for a few reasons. The first question is important because you want to know if the person is interested in you, or your attributes. If they say "you're kind, you have a nice smile, the way you approach problems" - those are all attributes. The guy sitting next to you could have those same attributes, so the question truly is... what is it specifically about me?

The second question is important as well. It speaks to whether or not they know you. If their gifts are designed to changes who you are.. then they probably don't like you for who you are and they want to see some minor modifications. If it's generic... again, do they really know anything about you? If it's something that speaks into what you like to do or an interest of yours... then you have a keeper.

So, what's with the picture of money? It took me back to a memory.

My ex-wife use to give me cash for a present. Usually about $100.

The thing is... she was a stay at home Mom at the time. She wasn't bringing income into the household... so where was the money coming from? Me?

Just a few thoughts...

Oh... what did I buy Lisa for Christmas? An IginuiTEA tea infuser and a sampler of several loose tea blend. Lisa LOVES tea. Has several coups a day...

What did she get me? Well aside from a Macaroni Christmas tree ornament that she made, she picked out 2 sweaters that I mentioned I liked when we went shopping on our 2nd date. One of them has become my absolute favorites getting warn 3-4 times/week. The other is a good weekend sweater.

Nice... eh?

Adversarial Relationships

2011-01-18T06:04:00.000-06:00

Life is filled with adversarial relationsips. It's pretty amazing. Even when I see people that are on the same team at work, people are all about trying to protect their sphere of influence. They don't want to share information because in some degree it will detract from their "specialness."

Throughout my life, I have always been the type of person that has always tried to cross the lines. I've always tried to bridge the gap between people because cooperatively, we can do more. But not everyone has the same "it takes a villiage" type of personality.

As a result, since I've always been the type of person that has tried to bridge the gap, it's difficult for me to be the person that asks for help. I always try to figure things out on my own.

One of the things that I need to do is ask for help and seek out help... not only that, but use all the resources that I have in order to do the best that I can.

So... here's to doing it right... contunuing to bridge gaps...

He's making a list...

2011-01-17T04:41:00.000-06:00

There's a Christmas song called "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" that comes to memory... Lisa and I met on eHarmony a little over 3 months ago. Tonight, we went back over our communication and dissected it. The conclusion was - we were both honest and presented ourselves as we truly are.

The number one complaint that people talk about when it comes to dating sites is that people lied... they weren't who they said they were... there was some form of miscommunication...

We went through the guided communication, the likes/dis-likes, open ended questions and e-mails... we were true to every bit of it.

To me, in this society it's rare.

I met with Lisa's Pastor this past weekend... we've even set a date... this feels good... really, really good.

My thoughts on blogging...

2011-01-12T08:21:00.000-06:00

People blog for a lot of different reasons...

Some people blog because they want to stay connected to other people.

Others blog because they want to be heard...

for others... it's a form of creativity and self expression...

Others... want to be noticed by others...

My blog... is more like a big searchable sticky note. Over the past few years, I have wrestled with getting my life under control. This serves as a testament, a memory, and an encouragement that life can get better if you go through all the struggles that it has to offer.

This is personal.

It's for me.

If the average reader finds something useful and hopeful, I'm glad... I am a big fan of taking ownership of your life, setting a direction and living life with conviction...

But if no one ever reads a word that I've written or posts an encouraging word... the words stand as a sign that I have lived my life well and fought the battle hard... and in all things have lived according to my convictions and beliefs... and in todays society... that's a rare thing.

So to the casual reader who has stumbled upon my chronicles... I hope it encourages you to stay hopeful, be vigilant and to live boldly!

Oops... I forgot...

2011-01-12T08:12:00.000-06:00

One of the easiest things to do... ever is forget. We do it all the time. We forget where we put our keys, we forget to pick things up from the store. We forget birthdays and meetings... A lot of times we also forget why we made certain decisions.

Forgetting why we made certain decisions is the one that reaches up and bites us more frequently than anything else. An example in my life is - forgetting why I choose to eat healthy and work out. It's really easy to fall into the old habits of not exercising regularly and eating fast food 4 meals a day. (Yes... I said 4... I'm not proud of it...)

Anyway why am I saying all this? Because I am in the process of trying very hard to meet my 2011 action plan. I'm doing better with time management, although there are a lot of times I just let the time get away from me. On the eating better platform... I can honestly say that I'm doing better.

As far as giving? I now know that I need to set that aside at the beginning of the month, or it probably isn't going to happen.

So... I put my action plan in the organizer that I carry around with me... so I can keep this in front of me at all times. IF you want to succeed at something... then you should always look at it.. recite the game plan... keep it in front of your eyes.

That way... you won't forget.

Promise, Problem, Provision

2011-01-11T04:50:00.000-06:00

Sometimes people wonder why people hold on to Christianity. For some, it's hard to believe that there is a God and that He is involved in the lives of people that believe in Him. Some believe it to be superstition and tend to hold on the their own self determination and their own way.

I admit it, I struggle myself, but I always come back to the same thing.

God is... and he is active in my life in a way that extends beyond fate or luck ever could.

Here is the current situation that's going on in my life where I expect God to move in a mighty way...

I have met this incredible woman. She's going to be my wife. She is incredible. She has a true faith in God, she knows who she is in the context of a relationship, she's a communicator, she's consistent. She has a sensual side, a playful side, a serious side... always appropriate for the situation. Oh yeah... she's beautiful.

I mean... she matches my secret wish list... she's the right height, has the right temperament. I could not have picked out a better person...

The promise is... that I am going to marry the woman of my dreams.

The problem is... she lives in a different state than I do. In this economy, I need a job in that city too... not just any job... it requires a significant amount of money too... I have child support that needs to be payed as well as the ability to contribute to the well being of a family that I will be joining.

In church on Sunday, Pastor was talking about Promise, Problem, and Provision... how the story of the Bible is that there is a promise, followed by a problem, then provision. The whole purpose of this is to strengthen your faith in God... so that you know that he is involved in your life... how as he continues to move you forward through life, you'll have the opportunity to see his provision. It's because he trusts you and has great things in store for you... the ability to reach and effect those that are around you.

I know it doesn't make sense... but that's God's way of getting your attention... So, when you see challenge or opportunity... try something different... try God.

500th post!!!

2011-01-08T06:11:00.000-06:00

It's only fitting that on my 500th post I have good news... so, I show up at work today and what do I see? They've hired a black woman.... and interviewed 2 more black guys today. Wow... that's special. So much for being an extreme minority. I looks like the tables are turning.

Anyway... a lot changes in a few days. I found out yesterday that the people that I work with... the ones that I hold in high esteem are as clueless as I am. That's a good thing. It means that I have the comfort to actually learn things at a comfortable pace, speak my mind... and participate at a higher level.

I love taking control of the career! It's a good thing!

Being an extreme minority...

2011-01-07T05:08:00.001-06:00

It's 2011... in this day and age, many people don't think in terms of race or color. I spend most of my life no thinking about it either. I have spent my entire life trying to "integrate" and live my life as a part of the larger community and not try to isolate myself to just stay/associate with people in my own race.

But... there are problems that arise... like this picture for example... this picture was taken when I was in 5th grade. Our class raised $300 for the Erie Canal Village and we were presenting our earnings to the Mayor. What a cool photo op. I was randomly selected to be our classes representative.

One question... why is the black kid so far away from the money???

It's small things like this that toy with my vision of a utopia where there is 100% inclusion.

Why am I writing about this?

I am on a new project at work where I am the new guy. I am completely beholden to everyone on the team to learn about what we do. This is particularly true because I sit away from the core team in an office where I am one of two people... and I'm usually the only person that's in the office. It makes it hard to accomplish things because there is no unique way to get the information that you don't know.

I don't have an intrinsic community where I can safely go to in order to get respite. I kind of feel like I have to figure things out on my own and that my success rests solely in my hands and I don't have the tools necessary to help me accomplish this.

One of the things that I plan on doing is talking with my management team about going to another environment where I can more comfortable obtain the support that I need.

The question is... how do you approach this?

Phoning it in...

2011-01-06T06:36:00.001-06:00

The past 5 years have been a blur.

I was in in divorce court for 2 years.
FINALLY finished up the divorce.
Was outsourced... Twice.
Took a sabbatical to take care of my Father... And was with him when he drew his last breath.
I took a job in another city so I could be near my Mother to help her with her transition... (my own brothers and sisters marvel at the fact that I've managed to keep my sanity over the last 2 years...)

I honestly can't say that I've been phoning in my time at work. I've gone there... I've done the job... But I can't say that my heart has truly been in it.

Until now.

Now... I realize that I have had some short comings in my performance and that I need to step up my game.

That thing inside me that wants to manage my career has re-awoken again.

So... Over the next few blogs, I'm going to work out my career vision... How to get there... What I want out of life.

This... As usual, should get very interesting.

Procrastination...

2011-01-04T22:09:00.000-06:00

So... I have this project that I have to do for work... and at the moment, I am so uninspired to do it. But... it's due tomorrow. Although have a ton of work to do for my Big Boss in the office tomorrow I absolutely have to get this project done tonight.

The problem is, I don't have ALL the information that I need or a good format to use. It's frustrating.

There are some BIG differences between working for the government and working in the private sector. The BIG difference is that no one really knows how to do anything with the government. Everyone is winging it all the time. There's no sense of urgency, but everyone wants to keep you accountable.

It's frustrating, but I truly believe that if I can master this situation, I can learn something...

Human Sexuality

2011-01-03T10:38:00.001-06:00

Human sexuality is an interesting thing. The first time that you willingly have sexual intercourse a path is set forward. Your body remembers it. Your body craves it.

Those people that have had a healthy sex life find it hard not to cross the line in the dating world. Kissing gets out of control... Hands start to roam... And before you know it... There you are in the middle of a sexual relaitonship.

This actually gets pretty interesting. Emotions are tied to sex for some... And it's hard to get out of a relationship once you've crossed that line.

Okay... Why am I writing all of this?

Because Lisa and I have agreed to not have sex until we are married. But... We both have a relational sexual past. Kissing leads to roaming hands leads to grinding into each other as she's pressed against the wall...

But, we have agreed (my idea that she has agreed with) that this is the direction that we want to go.

It's interesting.

We are forced to actually show restraint. To occupy our time continuing to get to know each other. I think the longing to cross this line is making us closer.

It's different.

I like it.

Second test

2010-12-30T03:26:00.001-06:00

Will this image show up?

Here is an interesting thought. I am left handed and it amazes me the number of things I do with my right hand.

If I enter text on a mobile device 9 times out of 10 I will use my right hand even though I am faster with my left hand and more accurate. It's just weird.

It may be because I am right hand dominant but left eye dominant and the left hand gets in the way visually?

These are the type things I think about in the middle of the night.

Mic check

2010-12-30T03:17:00.003-06:00

In an attempt to be more productive I have set up mobile blogging. I should
be able to enter my thoughts from the road and email them directly to my
blog.

This post is to test out that feature.

I love swype but really am thinking about getting a bluetooth keyboard. I
think it would be easier to use, but I really don't want to carry another
device.

I did see a cool bluetooth solution but it ships from Hong Kong and I have
reservations about sending them credit card information.

Anyway, this is s test to see if this will really work.

It's 2:22 AM...

2010-12-30T02:21:00.002-06:00

It's 2am. Most people are dreaming, and I'm up thinking of the future.

I'm not up because I'm worried about the future. I'm up because I naturally get about 5 hours of sleep and I managed to fall asleep at 9:15pm and this is the natural resource.

So... what's on my mind? A few things...

First, Lisa.

I tend to be a visionary that runs a mile a minute. The problem with most of the people that I've dated in the past was that they couldn't really keep up at the pace that I ran. Lisa does... and she takes things further... and she holds me accountable.

We were talking last night and I noticed that she was on the phone because I wanted to talk, she was kind of out of it. I let her go. She sent me a text that said she was sorry because she was tired. I told her it was cool... she said thanks for not being talkative. I told her it was okay. She's entitled to be tired... lol.

I'm thinking about selling the house... getting a job in a new city.

Cleaning the house...

Reading...

And... starting THE plan Monday.

2011 is going to be a bumper year!

Everything changes...

2010-12-27T05:59:00.002-06:00

It's pretty amazing. When you meet the right person, everything snaps into sharp focus.

I remember writing about how I didn't quite fit in, and social anxiety, general unease in my own skin...

Then, you meet one person, and BANG... it all clicks into place.

I love this woman. We fit like 2 peas in a pod.

Christmas...

2010-12-26T05:20:00.003-06:00

Christmas comes but once a year... thank goodness!

There are a lot of things that I really hate about this time of year... like the commercialization, the greed, the over indulgence. It really takes something that should be a beautiful time to think about others and turns it so... inward.

I was talking with this one person that bought over 250 presents for his grandchild.

That's not even practical!

Anyway, Christmas time has been hard for me over the past few years. It's been 5 years since we filed for divorce and 3 years of singleness. I've opted to spend almost every Christmas alone with the exception of the time when I was "dating" and the person that I was with didn't want to spend time with their family.

My choice to spend time away from my family is my choice. It's my time to center and figure out what adjustments need to be done in the new year. It's a completely different thing when you just don't think your family understands you... my family would really rather have me there.

Anyway...

This was a good Christmas.

Lisa was in NC and I was in Alabama... My sons came over for a while, and we had great fellowship together. Lisa and I had the chance to talk via skype, telephone, text... she said the sweetest thing...

"This is the last holiday I want to spend away from you... it felt like a part of me was missing..."

This is interesting.

I know... in the past I've talked a lot about running from women that weren't "complete" that needed me to "complete" them.

This is different. Lisa is a whole person. I am a whole person now due to all of the struggles that you can read about in my blog. We augment each other.

It's nice to not have to carry a relationship. It's good that there is balance.

Although we were miles apart, knowing that she was there made this one of my favorite Christmases ever.

Final 2011 Action Plan

2010-12-21T06:10:00.004-06:00

For me, the object to creating a successful new years action plan is to make sure that you don't have too many, that they are all kind of related and that they all speak to a theme.

The final item that is on my list is to step out on faith and increase my giving to my local church this year.

It looks like my theme for this year is to increase my self discipline. Being more deliberate about the way I live my life....

This should be a GOOD year!

Third 2011 Action Plan

2010-12-21T05:51:00.003-06:00

I have noticed in 2010 that when I actually take the time to plan out what I eat and shop at the beginning of the week my diet is cleaner and healthier.

When I don't plan, I end up trying to make decisions when I'm hungry and all I really want at that time is to satisfy my hunger. I usually eat more than I intended and less healthier as well.

I have got to do better in 2011 and build a better habit.

Second 2011 Action Plan

2010-12-21T05:42:00.000-06:00

Time management... that's the second item that I have to gain control over in the new year...

In the post divorce world, I have allowed my time to become fluid. Since I didn't have to worry about getting the kids up for school, cooking dinner, being at activities for the boys and making sure that they were in bed on time I had a TON of free time on my hand.

I can't say that I used the free time very well.

I need to start scheduling my day... not in an overly rigid way.

To me, this ties in with self discipline...

I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this yet... but I have the next few weeks to work on it!

First 2011 resolut... I mean action plan...

2010-12-21T04:26:00.005-06:00

I don't really make new years resolutions... I make actionable plans that I have really been good at following up on through the year.

2011 is no different.

So, my first 2011 action plan is to increase my self discipline.

I cut myself way too many breaks. I take things to near completion... I have lost this spirit of excellence that I once had.

I... have got to change that...

I have got to get back to the point where I once again strive and struggle to be the best... at the top... and not content to be at the upper middle of the pack.

So... my first goal... that I start on today... is... increase my self discipline.

This is different...

2010-12-20T09:36:00.003-06:00

When I started this blog 5 years ago my world was in upheaval. I was working my way through the divorce... once that was done, gaining an understanding of what it meant to be single.

I struggled over relationships that I was in and decisions that I was trying to make... honestly, it gave me a lot of things to write about!

Now? Life is good. I've met this woman that I love, work is going well, my life is... settled.

It's a different feeling.

It's not an uneasy feeling, nor is there this feeling of complacency. I don't think I've earned the right to sit down on my laurels. It's just... peaceful.

I wrote a while ago about my desires for the new year... how I want to continue to grow.

Growth doesn't always have to be painful... so I'm anxious to see what I come up with...!

The re-cap

2010-12-20T05:07:00.003-06:00

This weekend was really great. After 21 days of not seeing each other, it was really great to have Lisa in my arms again.

The weekend was good.

I can remember times where I was dating people and it was all about the make out sessions, there really wasn't any substance outside of the physical connection.

It wasn't so.

We slow danced, I gave her a mini concert, we hung out with friends of mine, we worshiped together, we had dinner with my pastor...

and we kissed... mmmmmmm.

Anyway, Lisa sat down with my pastor and me. Sometimes that can be intimidating. She handled it well.

I love this woman.

D-Day

2010-12-18T06:50:00.003-06:00

It's been 21 days since I last saw Lisa. As I stated before, she felt led to go on a fast to make sure that we were on the right path. As I said before, I totally respect her for that.

Well... I see her today.

I see LISA today!!!

It's going to be so awesome to be able to hold her in my arms, kiss her lips...

It's going to be an fun.

I've invited friends over for a game night... so that should be fun! She'll have the opportunity to meet people that are in my world... that should be cool.

Tomorrow she's going to dinner with me and she's going to have dinner with my Pastor and his wife.

I love this woman... can't wait for the time when we will not just have day or weekend visits...

If you believe in God and pray... pray that I find a job in Atlanta - so we can be together soon. Thanks!

21 Days...

2010-12-16T11:23:00.002-06:00

Almost 21 days ago I got a phone call from Lisa. She said she felt the need to go on a 21 day fast in order to spend some time praying about our relationship and seeking the face of God.

I was supportive. I think it's wrong for one person to stand in the face of another person, especially when it comes to matters of faith. I've broken up with people for the same reason.

It's been a good 21 days. We've talked on the phone, covered some really deep issues and interestingly enough have grown even closer.

This weekend I get to see her again! She's coming to visit... I'm way too excited about this!

I've planned some cool events so she can meet some friends of mine, so it's going to be good... very, very good...

WOO HOO!

who do you want to be?

2010-12-09T05:30:00.002-06:00

Deep down inside, everyone has a vision of who they want to be.

I think it's time for me to spend some time thinking about who I want to be...

This is too easy...

2010-12-08T04:54:00.003-06:00

Lisa and I send affirmations to each other. It keeps us on the same page. It sets a vision. It inspires.

This affirmation was shared today:

We have a consistent saying... "you make it easy."

It makes me smile when those words are uttered. It's an awesome thing to be in a relationship that is like-minded. But then... my mind drifted to our conversation last night when we were talking about X and her beau. You made the statement that "he may have gotten complacent with their current situation..."

Complacency can be a killer in a relationship. It's that point where self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies takes place. It's that point where people begin to take things for granted and as a result, treat things carelessly or casually.

My mind drifted to

Matthew 11:29-30 (New Living Translation)
29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and
gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke
is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

The yoke, is an instrument of burden. I actually looked this word up and found something interesting. A yoke is placed on TWO animals joining them together when they work together. (I think a lot of times when we read this, we think that it's solely our responsibility, but from the beginning - even before the indwelling of the Holy Spirit God helped us understand the partnership that he has with man to help us achieve what he has in store for us.)

In this process of yoking, he says... let me teach you. He's there to help us with the heavy lifting and doesn't try to move us too fast or on a terrain that we're not able to handle. Even though he is able to do it, his humbleness and gentleness abound. Our burden is light because of his heavy lifting.

I think what we have is easy not because we make it easy ourselves, but because each of us has determined that we aren't going to yoke together to try and make things work, but because we have yoked up with Jesus and we're both working n the same field... towards a common plan.

It's my sincere prayer that we continue to learn from God, keep humility and gentleness at the center of what we have, and not get complacent. The fact that we're yoked with Christ doesn't mean that we
don't do any work... it just means that it's appropriate work for where we are.

I love you because you're willing to chase God before chasing me!

I'm an addict...

2010-12-07T00:35:00.003-06:00

I admit it... I love sugar.

If I'm going to binge eat, it's not going to be on anything other than SUGAR. Pound cake, candy bars, confection made from compressed sugar... the sweeter, the better.

When I eat sweets, it's not just one, it's a bag. It's not just one type... it's at least 3 different types in a single setting. 3,000 calories... and more grams of sugar than I'm willing to actually put down on paper out of sheer embarrassment.

So... now that I'm getting older and fat tends to settle around my mid section with so much ease these days, I've decided that I need to come off the sugar... cold turkey.

I really haven't had that bad of a physical withdrawal... yet. I am suffering from a headache tho.

The only other thing to note is that I'm thinking slightly more clearly.

Just 2 more days and then my 3 day detox from sugar will be complete!

Wish me luck.

A glimpse into my life...

2010-12-06T07:57:00.002-06:00

I send daily affirmations to Lisa. I just wanted to share what it's like to be on the same page as someone that you truly care about. I am not trying to brag or say that I'm super-spiritual... I make mistakes on a regular basis... believe me.

----- (Edited from the original thought 000

But... in truth, I think everyone exists on 2 different levels, sometimes more.

In one part, there's the person that you are.

Another part is the you that you want to be.

It's the same way with Lisa. She's on a path of continuing improvement as well.

Part of the reason why we do the affirmation and talk about what we want and where we're going is all a part of "vision casting."

Vision casting is the process of talking about the future. What could be. How you want to shape it. It makes sure that people are who you want to be.

I do it all the time in my own life. It's nice to have someone that's willing to run the race with me.

Balance

2010-12-03T05:40:00.002-06:00

Anyone that has followed my blog for a while knows that I'm a fan of this little thing called... balance. I have done at least 20 posts regarding my quest for a balanced life.

The truth is... balance is really easy to achieve when it's just you. But what happens when you really introduce someone else into your life?

Well, if they are not your equal, if you think you have to bring them up to your "level" or if you don't think you are on the same plane as them... there's unbalance.

I know that it sucks to be alone... but it also sucks to be heart broken.

I truly know that it's hard... but I encourage all of you who are reading my blog that are single to hold out until you find balance in your relationships!

Managing long distance relationships...

2010-12-02T12:32:00.003-06:00

So... I'm in a long distance relationship with Lisa. This basically means that we see each other 1 or maybe 2 days a week a couple times a month.

The object is to not talk too much or too little, use technology for that visual element (skype), emails... it all has to be deliberate.

It's going well so far...

It's finally happened...

2010-12-01T14:48:00.003-06:00

I admit it... I am the man that has always said that relationships were too serious to be glib or casual. I've always talked about my track shoes... you know, those things that I put on my feet to propel me to safety in the event that someone gets too close.

Things are going well with Lisa. I have decided to join the host of people that have gone before me and hang up my track shoes.

We have achieved... balance. We view our faith, family, relationships and problem resolution the same way... good communication skills and chemistry... it's darn near perfect. Why on earth would I mess this up looking for something better?

She allows me to transparently be me quirks and all... I offer her the same, and we actually have put it to the test.

It feels good to have found that place that makes me feel comfortable and like I'm at home...

Putting it all together...

2010-11-30T07:24:00.003-06:00

A lot of times, when people think about relationships, they only think about how 2 puzzle pieces fit together... the two people who are in the relationship.

That's true... people fit together spiritually, emotionally, mentally, in chemistry...

But there's more to it than that... there are circumstances, situations, life, family, friends, trials, adversity, challenges, good times, happy memories, adventures... the list goes on...

All of those elements together make up the tapestry of a beautiful puzzle.

The problem with making a puzzle is... sometimes it gets too difficult to figure out where certain pieces go. As a result, some people get frustrated and walk away from the puzzle...

I think... the object is to find that person that not only fits together with you, but is interested in the picture that you're trying to make... that helps a lot.

Good and bad will happen. Hard and easy too... it's all a part of putting it all together.

Our 1st Thanksgiving...

2010-11-26T08:38:00.002-06:00

Lisa collected her 2 teenage daughters and pre-teen son in her van and drove 3 1/2 hours to my house...

All things being equal, it was a very good day.

My kids liked her kids... my kids like her.

Her kids dig me... she likes my kids...

I have always believed that relationships are built over the dinner table, which is why there has never been a TV in my kitchen...

Over dinner we did "guided communication." The following questions were asked of all the kids...

What's going on in your world?
What's your favorite memory of your parent (the one present at the table).
Ask your parent any question.
Ask your parent's "date" any question.

My favorite question came from Lisa's oldest daughter - "What do you like about my Mom?"

When it was all done, the kids stayed at the table and talked among themselves for a while... overall, it was really good. I think we're growing closer together, and I really like this.

I am going to marry her one day...

Rain...

2010-11-22T10:03:00.001-06:00

This morning I was thinking about water... particularly standing in the rain. There are times when I actually love standing in the rain. It's refreshing... getting drenched... feeling the coolness wash over my body... feeling each drop as it hits my skin.

Then there are times when it rains and I couldn't be more annoyed. It impacts the joy that I want to have at that particular moment. I don't want to get out in it. I would rather just curl up and sleep (yeah... me, sleep...)

Either way, whether I am enjoying the rain or not, it serves a purpose. It brings life. It waters the trees, grass, flowers.

That's kind of the way that it is with Gods Word. It brings life... it's designed to bring us closer to God. The question is... how do we feel when we hear it? Do we embrace its refreshing goodness or do we get annoyed by it because it makes our life harder at the moment?

I guess it's all in the attitude.

Focus....

2010-11-18T10:25:00.002-06:00

At the moment, my life is being thrown into sharp focus. I am beginning to see things clearly. Dreams have been re-awakened. I'm actually content and happy.

Work... on the other hand... is blah.

I generally enjoy what I do, but now I'm in an uninspired place. I'm not sure what's up with that.

It could be that the 2 co-workers that I'm working with have drained the life out of me. It could be because the project is slightly doomed. It could be that there's so much to do and I am not directly in control of it.

I don't know... I am just freakin' uninspired at the moment.

Maybe it's because I need talk radio... listening to people talk usually helps me out... a lot.

Finishing touches...

2010-11-17T07:20:00.003-06:00

They say the devil is in the details. The one thing that I am not good at is getting buried in the details.

I... am an idea guy.

The one thing that I know about my current line of work is that if I am going to continue to go on the growth track, I need to learn how to focus on the details.

Previously, I've always had the option of writing 80% of a paper... doing the heavy lifting then tossing it over the wall so that people can polish it. I'm now at a place where I have to work on taking the painstaking time to put the final touches on things and make sure that it all makes sense.

It's hard.

It's a change in thinking.

But in my quest for self-improvement, this is the next big area I have to tackle...

Oi.

Ain't nothin' like the real thing, baby...

2010-11-16T06:15:00.003-06:00

Okay... this is the last syrupy post that I'm going to make...

To me, it's amazing to meet someone that I can talk with on a human level.

We talk openly about our faith, fears, joys, finances, the future...

Although I know in my heart that I am going to marry her, we can talk about the future, but not be obsessed by it.

It's refreshing...

There's such a difference between being in something for the sake of comfort vs. having something real.

So.. this is an encouragement, I guess. To all the people out there that have these high expectations, but have settled in the past... stop... stick to your guns... find health and live in it!

THAT couple...

2010-11-16T05:27:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been out in public and seen "that" couple? You know the one that I'm talking about... they are in this sugary kind of love where they look into each others eyes and it to them, it looks like no one else is there.

There was a time that I would look at couples like that with a little disdain.

Then... I started paying closer attention, and noticed something...

Every once in a while, you encounter these couples that actually like each other.

You see this joy that they have when they're together.

That... is what I have always wanted to have.

Honestly... Lisa and I were joking around... "we... have become that couple..."

Meet the family...

2010-11-15T09:25:00.003-06:00

So... I met Lisa's kids this past weekend. Not all of them... just 2 of them, the third was away at college.

Under ordinary circumstances, you would expect everyone to be dressed in their best clothes... but no... that's not how it was.

Lisa was definitely running behind schedule. She has a thousand things still to do when I got there. Her first words to me were...

"This is my life... still interested?"

I laughed, primarily because it was real.

I like real.

The tables will be turned soon. She'll come to my world with her family and have the chance to meet my kids.

It's cool when you can meet someone and not have to worry about pretending to be perfect.

Kissing is good

2010-11-13T05:41:00.004-06:00

First... the dance recital went well... and the meeting of her kids went well.

I'm in.

Now... problem.

Kissing is good.

But... kissing can and does lead to other things.

And... the other things have a chance to really destroy a relationship, especially if you're dating someone who was married for 20 years... has only been with their husband during that time... well, crossing certain lines can cause an internal conflict and struggling.

So... the object is to keep kissing... just kissing...

Worlds collide...

2010-11-12T01:14:00.003-06:00

So... tomorrow night... or maybe I should say later on tonight I am suppose to meet Lisa's children.

It's 1:15am..., well... 1:16am now and I can't sleep.

It's not because I'm nervous or anxious. I took a LONG nap earlier and if you're a notorious under sleeper like I am, it makes for a LONG night.

Anyway... back to the important stuff...

Lisa and I have been dating for a month now. We're doing well... I see her once a week for a few hours. This is going to be the first "multiple day" event. We'll be spending time together on Friday and Saturday.

Meeting her family is big. This is the first time that I've dated someone that I've actually wanted to do life with. The next big event is going to be Thanksgiving when both of our families meet - my 3 children and hers...

It's pretty cool... for the first time, I'm not really wrestling with anything. It's like all the lessons that I've learned over time and the things that I've fought over are clicking. It feels good.