I purchased a bracelet yesterday. One pretty similar to the one that's in this picture. It's not for outward show, The cross on mine is very understated. It's not intended to be an advertisement.


Instead, it's a different approach.

In the Bible - the book of Numbers, chapter 15 is says: 37 Then the Lord said to Moses, 38 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel: Throughout the generations to come you must make tassels for the hems of your clothing and attach them with a blue cord. 39 When you see the tassels, you will remember and obey all the commands of the Lord instead of following your own desires and defiling yourselves, as you are prone to do.

It's designed moreso to be something to remind me that God is indeed faithful.

I was thinking this morning about how people forget about God when things are going well, then how they blame him when things are not.

But there's something that goes on in the middle...

People forget God.

Remember, the Bible is a book that chronicles the lives of a people that God had choses to show himself real and alive to that others in the world would remember his benefits.

It's amazing the number of times you read statements like "they did not remember the Lord" or how the forgot his benefits. There's even one part where even the priests have forgotten that the "scrolls" exist - and how when they find it and bring it to the King he's amazed at what is written.

I don't want to be that way.

I'll take a little victory...

I did not want to work out tonight.

But I did.

I did not want to eat healthy today.

But I did.

I did not want to do portion control.

But I did.

I can do this.

I can.

He looked at himself in the mirror. Turning his head slightly to the left... then to the right.

Without hesitation the reflection did the same thing...

He reached out his hand. The only thing that he felt was coldness. A coldness that matched the cold empty eyes that were looking back at him.

He opened his voice to speak but realized that the face, as he had grown accustomed to calling it, would do nothing more than parrot back the same words that he had just spoken.

As the seconds ticked by the contempt was growing.

Finally he shouted - "Why are you here? What is your purpose? Why don't you just go away?"

He turned and walked away... but as he left he refused to look over his shoulder to see if the reflection would glance back... afraid that even his own reflection no longer cared.

- Anon

Putting one foot in front of the other...

Well... I'm on week 3 of "From Couch to 10K" - last night was a milestone night.

Walk 1 lapJog 3 lapsWalk 1 lapJog 3 lapssIt's been a LONG time since I've jogged 3/4 of a mile. I can remember when I would do this and wouldn't give it a 2nd though.

Even the total distance of 2 miles that I did... this was nothing compared to the days when I could just hop up and run 3 miles in around than 15 minutes.

The whole thing took less than 25 minutes... that's right, I'm doing 12 1/2 minute miles (I take 5 minutes to walk 1 lap...)

Tonight is a milestone night... warm up... jog 2 miles straight.

What's going through my mind is... can this be done? I had a terrible twinge in my back this morning. Instead of doing my morning workout I took the opportunity to stretch out my back.

I dunno... I may just need to apply heat to it.

Man... I'm too young to need to use a heating pad.

Putting the puzzle together...

Okay... the divorce is over. I'm done rearranging the house. The newness of the experience is over. Now it's time to settle down and put the puzzle back together.

The really cool thing about life is that you always have the same puzzle pieces, but every time you put it back together it changes... or rather, it has the potential to change.

It's quite possible to put the puzzle back together the same way every single time.

I like to call that

"Not learning from your mistakes"

It always amazes me when I see people always "dating the same type of person" expecting there to be a change. Or people that always go down the same path expecting a different destination.

What's the purpose behind stirring things up and tossing all the pieces in the air if you're only going to put them together the same way again? I guess that's okay if you're just passing time.

I, personally, want to live and be alive! I want to take life by the proverbial horns and race into the wind! (That's not to be confused with being 3 sheets to the wind... but it is a nicely mixed metaphor)

Anyway, here are the things that I'm doing to put my puzzle pieces back together:

1. Reading
2. Planning
3. Excercising
4. Eating healthy
5. Thinking deeply
6. Spending time with God

Okay... those are the easy pieces that make up the edges of the puzzle... what's harder are the pieces on the inside.

• Being more social
• Redefining me career
• Finding genuine friends

I'm sure there are a ton more pieces than these... but I struggle to not be overwhelmed. Let's keep it all manageable and healthy.

Cheers to me!

Fitness check-in

In order to hold myself accountable, I've decided to introduce a little somethingI'm going to call the Monday Morning Fitness Check-in. This is where I'll post about my ongoing struggles to get to a healthy weight.

Believe me, I could write about this on a daily basis, but I think this is enough to keep me accountable.

I weighed in this morning at 223.5 pounds.
When I went from 275 to 225 (then back up to 235 for most of the summer, then around 228 by Labor Day [First Weekend in September]) I would really control my diet during the week, but during the weekends, it would be "free".

Free weekends meant that I could have Pizza, soda, a burger... almost anything I wanted as long as it was done in moderation on Saturday and Sunday.

This go round, I'm not doing this... weekends are controlled diet days... without the mega calories of pizza or burgers and fries... starting next weekend. Honest.

I've also decided to make a couple dietary changes... before I would do breakfast, lunch, dinner. I think I need to eat more times during the day to pump up the metabolism. But I don't want to add a lot of unnecessary calories.

I think the secret is to eat foods with high water content. I've taken a picture of what my breakfast/luch foods are going to look like.

The healthy choise soup is actually good... there's less than 800 mg. of sodium in a serving that size - which comes to about 25% of what's needed in a day. Since I don't add salt to any of my other foods, I'm coming in at around 75% of the RDA with the way my current diet is set up.
The other foods were chosen because of their high water content. Grapes will make you feel full. Likewise with the pear.

I think most importantly, I listen to what my body tells me.

That's it on this topic until next weeks fitness check in.

Still growing...

WARNING: This post is about my faith in God. If that offends you... read no further. However, I hope you read...

I can honestly say that I have been bitter about the way the divorce was done. I used to complain to a friend of mine and she would say:

"Don't tell me... tell God"

Okay, philosophically I understand what she's talking about, but acting that out was a completely different story.

Until yesterday. See, part of the reason I was "turtling" was because I wanted... no, needed to spend time away from everyting and everyone in order to be found by God.

Well, yesterday was a day of fasting and early morning prayer. That's when the breakthrough came. I felt compelled to pray for my ex-wife.

Now, being compelled and actually doing that are 2 different things.

I yielded.

I prayed.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they come across problems that they cannot solve. And when they cry out, if they listen closely - they'll hear a voice telling them what to do - and sometimes this task will seam more than one person can bear.

I would challenge you to submit... if you've tried it your way with no change or success, try stealing away and being found by God.

Honesty... finally...

I was reading a friends blog on Myspace - she mentioned that she was out with a friend of hers and he was wearing a T-Shirt that read - "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. ... but it's still on the list."

FINALLY, someone is being honest.

You can try as hard as you want to, but the truth is, we will always offend someone. It's a sad fact of life. People are quirky like that.

People have expectations (with the exception of me... of course. I realize that we're all flawed in some way) - and when we don't live up to those unstated expectations they get upset.

Feelings get hurt.

I like the notion of this disclaimer.

Now, there is a difference between knowing that the possibility of this happening vs. those people who are intentially malicious. I think we all have people like that in our lives - I'm not talking about those people that can't see beyond themselves and as a result hurt others. (I find myself in that category sometimes.) I'm talking about those people that either believe they were wronged and as a result must hurt others or even worse... those that think that their life is entitled and their desires supercede what's going on in the lives of others.

Anyway... I liked the t-shirt. May get one myself.

Shaving lessons

My oldest son is 15... a sophmore in high school... a football player... and had a handful of whiskers on his chin. So, the last weekend they were here, I took him into the bathroom, showed him how to lather up properly... and use a blade.

He did well. He only had one small nick.

I miss having the boys around the house on a daily basis.

Whiteboard mayhem

So... I added a whiteboard to my desk at work. As a result, my co-workers will come over and write to-do lists, doodle, whatever.

I'm kind of key and central to a lot of people and as a result I often have a queue at my desk where people are waiting for me to solve a problem for them.

This one... THIS ONE, I had to take a picture of...

I was working on a problem for Jason but needed to place him on hold for a few minutes. I asked Erica (who had just drawn a heart, flower and butterfly) to put his name on my board as a reminder...

So... for just second... it looked like I was day-dreaming about Jason... ummm, NOT.

Actually, what I wanted to show off was my view. Our offices are on the 6th floor and I have a

window seat... the glare is killer... but it's nice to see what the outside looks like since I'm so rarely out there these days.

Turtling

Since the divorce I've been "turtling"... I've been limiting my activities to going to work and church... been a complete and total recluse.

It's not like I'm afraid to be social. It's like I'm not sure how to be social or what I want to do. When you live nearly 1/3 of your life making your life revolve around family - it's difficult to make the transition.

Like I said, I divorced a lot of friends. Not so much because I wanted to, but when you're a couple, you know a lot of couples and women tend to stick together. And the guys were really weenies who let their wives dictate every aspect of their life. I just couldn't trust most of them to keep things in confidence.

So... I retreat. into the safety of my shell.

Now, I'm not saying that I've been completely anti-social. I've hung out with a few select friends... maybe once every 3 weeks or so... and every time I do, I have a really good time... I mean, just last night I was out until almost 2am with Jimmy talking about really good/obscure music.

That was honestly the most fun I've had in... about 3 weeks...

Okay... I think it's time for me to start coming out of my shell.

Me at 225

This is a picture of me wearing the same outfit that I was wearing at 275. I remember the day when I could actually button that shirt... that was a momentous occasion.

Sometimes I have to look at things like this to remind me of how it used to feel - and how far I need to go.

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I have an immense sweet tooth, but at the same time I'm one of those "can't eat just one" people. So, I have to deny myself of things that I really want...

My diet has to be precise... I can't take a day off from working out except for the weekend.

There can be no room for error if I want to reach my goals by Thanksgiving.

That's my goal.... I'm putting it out there for all of you.

Admittedly, my goal was originally to hit my targets at the time that the divorce was final, but... life got in the way... stress eating...

Me at 275

I was looking for "flattering pictures" of me at 275. I can honestly say that there aren't that many. I'm 225 now and I feel MUCH better than I did then.

When I get out of bed in the morning my ankles don't hurt. My knees don't creak... When I walk short distances my back doesn't start to burn.

I almost don't recognize myself with my face that round... and BOY is that a round face...

Now, I don't have a problem with people that carry a few extra pounds. I find that attractive. It's just at this point in my life, if I want to be able to run and play with my grandchildren... I'm going to have to do something.

It's my own fault for playing soccer for 6 years... year round... spring, summer, winter, fall without break. I just wore things down.

It feels good to be able to move again... and hopefully, once I drop the extra pounds I'll be able to play the game that I love again... in an over 35 league this time.

More pictures later.

glucosamine and chondroitin

OH MY FREAKIN' GOODNESS...

I didn't take my glucosamine and chondroitin and I could feel it during my work out... I had to cut it short tonight because my knees and ankles were burning like someone was jamming ice picks into my spine.

I have a lot of risidual soccer injuries from my youth... that still plague me some 20 years later.

That's part of the reason why I want to drop the unneeded 30 or so pounds.

Did I say my goal was to hit this target by Thanksgiving?

Anyway... I've noticed that glucosamine chondroitin really seams to work.
I may post pics this weekend.

One of the things that I promised myself was that I was going to get in shape... a few weeks ago I mentioned that I was going to do this project called "From Couch To 10K"

I know I wrote about it a few weeks ago, but I needed to set my head on straight first... in terms of some life related items that... I may talk about those later on...

Anyway... the first week was easy... walk 1/2 lap, jog 1/2 lap... No problem... by the end of the week I was setting the treadmill for 6 mph for my job lap... that's not a bad pace at all for someone that's just starting the program.

This week... oh my... completly different story... a 2 mile work out... in all honesty, a 2 1/4 mile work out...
Start with a 5 minute warm up walk, then alternate walking & jogging and walk only half the distance of each jog, as follows:

• Jog 1/4 mile (one lap)


• Walk 1/8 mile (1/2 half lap)


• Jog 1/2 mile (2 laps)


• Walk 1/4 mile (1 lap)


• Jog 1/4 mile (1 lap)


• Walk 1/8 mile (half-lap)


• Jog 1/2 mile...


• go home

Jog? A 1/2 mile? You're kidding... right?

I did it... but it doesn't mean I liked it. My walk laps were 3 mph, my job laps were 6 mph, with the exception of the last 1/2... It was part ranged between 6, 7 and 4 mph...

After that I did my sculpting and called it an evening.

I'm going to start double sessions next this week too... Not double cardio work outs, but this thing called Core Concepts which is an core muscle workout that's done with dumbells and a yoga ball.

If I can control diet and burn 600 calories a day, the pounds will just drop off... and I'll hit my targets in no time.

If I get bold, I'll post before and after pictures.

I found a great church... Providence.

Providence is a multicultural church with a vision for all people. It's a younger crowd with a good group of guys that I am looking forward to getting to know better.

A lot of the guys have been there from the beginning and have seen people come in a flash and go... so it's probably going to take a moment for me to really become a part of the family... I'm more like a distant cousin right now...

The only thing I know for sure is that this is where God wants me to be right now... so I'm going to be there and participate giving my 100%.

For starters... other than holidays, I haven't had a real day off from work in over a year. When Labor Day rolled around, I took a long 4 day weekend and had a friend come up and visit.

It was cool - it was a friend from home. We both grew up in central NY, graduated the same year, our high schools competed against each other in Football, Basketball, Soccer...

There was a Christian camp behind my house that she used to go to... this is the same camp that my sister and I used to sneak into.
We reconnected a little while ago while I was on a business trip... so it's nice to have friends out there.

Anyway... it was a good visit. we played tourist. The above picture was take atop Vulcan. (I'll post about that next.)

It was good just to play tourist... visit places around the city... it was a good reminder as to what I love about life... good friends and good times.

Thanks!

Pulling myself together

The last blog posting I said I was feeling a little disconnected, then I dropped off the face of the earth.

I've had a lot to talk about as I start pulling myself together.
For starters... after the divorce, one of the things that I had to do was divorce a lot of friends... divorce a church that I went to... so it's been... lonely?

One of the easiest things to do when I fall into that rut is to make errors or mistakes regarding people that I let into my life. I have no intentions of doing that... divorce is kind of a tabula rasa... a clean slate of sorts.

Get ready for a flurry.

Disconnected

Some days... I just feel disconnected.

It's the oddest thing in the world. I feel like I don't belong... anywhere.

So... a friend of mine from way back when came into town this weekend for a visit. It was a good visit, we had lots of fun playing tourist, eating good food... (thanks for the food...)
One of the things that she said was that I needed a "grown up, big boys bed" because I've been sleeping on a full sized platform bed - which to me wasn't a problem because I had spent the last 7 months sleeping on a couch.
So... I was game. Having never shopped for a bed for myself before I decided to take an expert bed shopping. (She's not a bed expert because she spends a lot of time on them - but because she knows more about them than I do.)
One of the things that she recommended was that I lay on the bed and "treat it like it were my own."
This isn't something that I would ordinarily do but I was game.
So, while the salesman was standing there, I climbed into the bed...
curled up in the fetal position
pretended to cry
I think that made the salesman just a little uncomfortable... but I thought it was funny.
Nothing like a little cringe humor to kick off your Saturday.

Needless

I have this friend named Jimmy who is a devoted member of Peta. I mean, she has taken in a stray bat that she found outside her apartment and nursed it back to help. She doesn't wear leather, doesn't eat meat...

I say all of this because I was in a store looking at furniture that I can't afford... and that's when I saw it... a couch that would completly make her cringe.

It was a leather couch.

At first, I thought there were faux fur throws on the couch... until I ran my hand across it. Then I realized that they had sewn animal fur onto the leather couch.

Okay... the couch says man... but if any guy bought this couch, I would have to say that he was compensating for something.

Making new friends...

Well... things have been very busy...

I've changed churches. I'm in the midst of making new friends... I'm about to do a rapid snapshot of what's been going on for the last few weeks...

Hold on tight.