Life saver to the rescue...

You know, I have some friends that think I'm co-dependent, while others think I have a god complex trying to save the world.

I don't think that I'm co-dependent because I don't need to be needed. As a matter of fact, I tend to tune out to people that NEED to talk to me. I tend to shy away from people that only want to talk about what's going on in their world.

I like balance.

I understand that life is hard, and we all go through stuff... but you can't dump all your stuff on my without giving me the chance to dump some of my stuff on you. That's what friends do... the vent... then get on with life, right?

Okay... I've digressed, a little... where was I? Balance... right.

Some people think I have a god complex because I have such strong opinions about the way the world should be. I have to admit, that I do have a rather unique view of the way the world is, and I do really believe that people should at least be open to my perspective. Not because I have any original ideas, but because at the root of it all, I will simply point you to God. (Not in the Bible bashing way... or in the Jesus is your best friend kind of way... I won't go into this now... but I may at some other point in time.)

I like throwing a life saver out to anyone that may catch it. Life is hard, and we all need a little help sometimes (humming to myself... "I'll get by with a little help from my friends...")

A new friend of mine, probably one of the most balanced and caring people that I know called me with some distressing news.

I wanted to throw her a life saver, but instead... told her a joke, I think.

This is one of those times that I wish I did have a magic pill to make things better, or even the right words to say.

I don't.

Finding my tribe...

Sometimes, I feel a little lost. I feel like I'm out there alone without my tribe on some Australian walkabout.

As I understand it, a walkabout is a right of passage where you have to go out there and learn to live on your own in the wild.

I've been there for a while.

Now, it's time to find my tribe, but it seams like my people have up and moved away. Things around me look familiar, but slightly different because I can't find my FREAKIN' tribe.

What's up with that, yo?

Under ordinary circumstances, things seem a little out of kilter, but now, things seem really off balance.

Balance, balance, wherefore art thou balance?

Navigating life...

I have to admit it. Navigating life is difficult.

There really is no manual. Christians believe that the answers can be found in the Bible. Islamic believe that it's in the Koran. Others believe that the answers can be found in meditation. Still others believe that the answers are found in a bottle or in pills.

Either way, it can be difficult.

There are too many variables.

Other people, family, the economy, health... so many things that we don't have control over.

A lot of people wonder how I can manage to maintain in a world that's chaotic.

My answer is to simplify. To me, the world exists in 2 different categories:

• Things we can't do anything about
• Things we can do something about

I tend to concentrate on the things that I can do things about. And even those get prioritized.

The other secret that I have is to get it out...

That's why I blog. Often, once I get it out on paper, I feel better... much better.

Coupling

Spring has sprung... and as a result, people are really hell bent on coupling.

During the winter, people hibernate... but when the weather is nice? People want someone in their life.

Thought... to be continued...

2 words... sounds like...

I hope I don't sound like a broken record.

I have some friends that I talk to that have reduced our "friendship" to a session where they do nothing more than talk about the following topics:

• My dating life sucks
• My life is a mess

I don't mind having the conversation about these, but I need more than the constant negativity.

There needs to be balance in all these things. I know I have some of the same matters in my own life, but I hope that my friendship with others extends beyond a shallow repetitive conversation.

It's not that I don't care, but I could use some good news too.

Ya know?

Share with me the good parts of your life, don't just call me to pick up the pieces.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I feel like I'm on a road that's leading nowhere... except for maybe around in circles,

because I'm pretty sure that I've seen this place before.

I have always prided myself on not being the type of person that repeats the same mistakes over and over again, yet, oddly enough, I keep finding myself in the same situation over and over again.

What's up with that? Yo?

Honestly, I can look at it in one of 2 different ways... either I haven't learned the lesson that I'm supposed to learn, or... well, I guess there really is no other side of this coin.

Honestly, at the moment things are relatively frustrating for me.

Let's recap, I still work out of town. The number of friends I have because I'm never around has diminished to almost 0. (Okay... no almost about it...) The majority of the people I know are virtual... BLAAAAAAAAAAH....

On the positive side, I have managed to get my diet under control. I am 20 pounds lighter than I was when the new year started.

Be thankful for the small things in life...

I suppose

Fixing a disconnect...

Okay... so honestly, I don't know what I was thinking about when I was writing this post. It's 12/27 - I have 497 posts... I'm trying to get to 500...

That's when I noticed that several were in "draft form" - so, what I'm trying to do now is wrap up and finish those items so I can get 500 the honest way.

So... I was trying to fix some disconnect, and I don't know what it was.

Woooooow.... but, I blogged! That's the good part!

Follow the rules...

When it comes to dating, I have rules. One very important rule is:

Don't chase... it makes you look desperate.

This is important for a few reasons.

1) If you chase, you look desperate. Looking desperate is very unattractive.

2) If you chase, you look a little unstable. If you want someone too much, then you seem insecure.

When approaching someone, you want to be confident and a high value person. Get it?

This past week I have been preaching this to a friend of mine that has been chasing this guy like a hungry lost puppy.

Well I had a chance to test the theory. I met ts travel nurse . Actually I've known her for about a year. She's getting ready to come from the east coast to the west coast and "invited herself" to stop by for a weekend, since we've been hitting it off so well on the phone.

Well, she is suppose to come to town tonight and last night - yesterday - was the the first day that I didn't get her standard good morning message to me: good morning sweet cheeks.

I sent her a good morning message... no reply.

Around noon I sent her a joking message about her going away party.

Around 7pm I called to check in on her...

I shouldn't have made that phone call.

I should not have made that phone call.

I should not have made that phone call.

Well... here's the game plan... I am not going to call her again. Even if I never hear from her again.

The object is also not to appear desperate.

As much as I hate games, I know that I cannot answer her phone call when... if... she calls the first time. I have got to let it go to voice mail.

If she texts, I can't reply for about an hour.

It SUCKS...

But this year, I am following new rules:

• value yourself

Yeah, keep it simple...

Wish me luck.

Settling

I've spent some time thinking about it... thus the reason that I'm blogging again.

I have really high standards. Honestly I do.

The problem is, it gets lonely waiting for the person that I'm looking for, so I get sidetracked by people that are mildly interesting to me and I make compromises that I wouldn't ordinarily take.

The result is that I end up with women who end up being insecure because they can't see what I see in them, and they become slightly more than insecure.

So... I write this as a reminder... if I'm looking for someone that's well balanced, gainfully employed, and with a strong vision of how to live life, I need to wait until I find her, and not just migrate to the first reasonably cute person that seems half way together.

So... a word to myself...

Be patient.

Love,

Me

Where is love...

Sometimes, I get the feeling that there is someone out there for everyone... except for me.

I see beautiful women with these incredibly hideous looking guys that have no personality, no money, no intelligence, and I'm like REALLY?

REALLY?

You're kidding, right?

Sometimes it's like it's a cruel joke that the universe is playing with me.

I always end up as the friend, or the confidante and I'm not quite sure why. What I do know is that I collect attractive friends like my mailbox collects junk mail... I show up and they're just there...

So, now I'm curious.

If women say they want to date their best friend... and I end up being their best friend... Ohhhh, I don't know, the whole thing makes my head hurt.

I'm going back to bed.

I swear!!!

Sometimes I feel like someone has held me down and scribbled loser on my forehead.

I am a reasonably attractive guy. I take care of myself... I'm getting back into shape. I'm going to have 6 pack abs again.

I'm successful in my job, I have relatively no baggage, and I am a gem of a guy based upon the number of women that are quick to claim me as their friend and confidante.

Lately? I have been attracting a new type of woman.

Women who are currently or have in the past been "knocked up" by a crack head. Yes... a real, honest to goodness crack addict.

Or, have 3 kids by 3 different "baby daddy's."

They CLING to me, regardless of how I run...

It's only partially frustrating.

Where are the normal women?

And why won't they date me?

Hello... my name is...

When ever I go through the whole break up thing I always take a moment to blog and to figure things out.

Here's what I've figured out...

When it comes to dating, I'm relatively insecure.

Sad, but true.

I tend to date people who are interested in me and not people that I'm truly interested in. And that's just because they are willing to spend time with me.

Many of times, these people have issues and problems that I'm willing to overlook at first. Maybe it's loneliness, more than likely, it's my own insecurity - that I can't really do better.

Inevitably, what happens is we start dating, the "honeymoon" phase is gone, and I begin to see how messed up their lives truly are... I panic and want to run.

I am not saying that I'm perfect. I know I'm not. I have my own issues, but I tend to run from the following things:

• Women who want to move in too quickly
• Women who want me to cut off all my old friends
• Women who are too attached to their ex's emotionally
• Women who want me to change into what THEY want me to be

So... now I'm concentrating on me... and correcting this little known flaw.

I can be your friend... I can be your rock... I can't be your boyfriend AND rock.

Another one bites the dust...

Well... another relationship ended as easily as it began. The sad thing is... it really didn't have to end.

Here's what happened...

1st... she sent me a text message that was intended for another guy.

I asked her about it, she basically asked me if I could forget about it.

I almost did... however, we had other issues.

She never saw that she did anything wrong... everything was always something that I did. Something that I did wrong... So... I would change, slightly to come in line with her world views... and she would find another flaw.

I recognized that she never saw anything wrong in her eyes and decided that I should run.

What did I do wrong? I unplugged... Disengaged... partially because over the course of 3 months she gained like 30 pounds... Okay... if you love someone, you love them regardless of what they look like... but really?

Really?

I'm currently on a health kick. After the marriage I got up to 285 pounds. I was 185 when we got married. Right now, I'm at 222 and shrinking. Just before we broke up, I planned on what nutrition plan I was going to use (Nutrisystem) and which work out I was going to use (Insanity). I put in my mind that I was going to get back to my college weight.

So... I was 235 when we broke up... 222 now... and it's been a month... I feel good...

So... maybe I should be thanking her for giving me incentive to live a healthier life.

I'm not sure.

Either way, I'm taking a few months off dating.

What the heck happened?

There was a time when I really enjoyed what I did for a living. I would gladly bring work home and work on it after the family went to sleep... I dug what I did for a living and learning new things.

Then something happened...

I guess it was getting outsourced 3 times that kind of took the wind from my sails... that had me trying to learn/do things just to find work where my heart really wasn't at the time.

Now? I'm in a position where my contract is going to be up in a few months... and I am dreading the job hunt... but it has to be done.

FRUSTRATING.

E-freakin-motions...

Emotions are a tricky thing...

I have feelings for this woman that I'm seeing. She has feelings for me...

The feelings run very deep, but it lacks passion?

I dunno...

For the next few days I'm going to spend some time working through how I feel.

I know I have feelings for her. I know they are deep and true. What I'm more concerned with is my ability to tap into any emotion other than sadness.

I'm not saying that I'm sad when I'm with her. That's not the case at all, but the only emotion that I'm identifying with at the moment is sadness.

I feel sad that someday she's going to leave... that this, whatever we have, is going to end.

I "gotsta" explore this...

What is love?

So... earlier this week - the woman that I'm dating said "I love you..."

Shortly after she said that, she looked at me intently and asked my how I felt about that. I looked at her for a moment, put my arms around her and said - "I really believe you when you say that." I know a lot of people think the appropriate response to "I love you" is to say "I love you" back.

During the course of my "interviewing" many women have given me the "I love you." I have a few standard responses:

• Thanks
• It's okay, we're adults - it's important that we take ownership of our emotions
• Yeah (insert belly laugh here), right!
• Are you trying to convince you or me?

This is actually interesting. I was married for 15 years and I never really thought my ex-wife EVER meant it when she said it to me. I mean, she honestly hates me and she still wall call me "baby".

It's amazing how empty words can be sometimes, but it's an amazing thing when things click and you know somethings right.

Either way... I'm still planning on dating for 2 years. I'm not going to rush this one to marriage.

Thinking happy thoughts...

A lot of times when I enter into a new relationship I miss the euphoria that is generally present. There usually is a bit of anxiety in wondering what the person thinks about you... are they actually going to hang around...

There really is a lot of fear. For me at least.

I guess you can chalk that up to my own set of insecurities. The number of false starts that I've had in the past - where I've been interested in people and for some strange reason, they run...

Well... the person that I'm currently seeing... we've been together for almost 2 months. We spend a LOT of time together and it's as new and as fresh as it was in the beginning.

It's great!

We talk, we act silly... we have this really odd balance that's really pretty rare.

So... I was sitting there the other day, patiently waiting for the other shoe to drop when it suddenly hit me...

I hold the key to happiness firmly in the palm of my hand.

All I have to do is embrace it, live in the moment and have fun.

THIS is what being at peace feels like... cool.

Completely off the rails...

I think I've said this before, but I'm pretty sure I have an addictive personality.

I won't buy 1 guitar... I'll buy 50 to get to the 19 that I have now.

I won't buy 1 piece of work out equipment, I'll buy a whole gym and put it in my basement.

The list goes on... I don't do moderation very well in my life.

That's one of the reasons that I don't drink and that I won't do drugs.

If I allowed myself that, I would have to take it to the limit. That is who I am. In my extended nuclear family we are either really successful or complete bums. It's just a fact.

My goal in life has been to stay away from people that would exercise peer pressure over me. Now, I'm dating someone that has that potential. That's a dangerous thing.

I don't want to change her... She doesn't want to change me... but one of us is going to have to change.

Ya think?

To top it off...

I had this friend... a friend that I had known for the last 11 months of this year.

She was a good friend to me... and we always had this underlying tension.

She wanted to date me. I really cared for her, but understood that there was this underlying volatility that she had in her life that caused me to run.

I always cared for her though. More than she could have imagined. It hurts that I could have never dated her regardless of how I cared.

When I started dating the current chica, she was hurt. Bad. I feel sad, and oddly enough, I miss her.

Her parting words to me were - "You are not a typical male, but what you did was pretty typical."

Things change...

Okay... I am not a drinker. I don't like the taste of alcohol. I struggle when the person that I'm dating drinks.

Let's walk through this...

It takes a moment for me to actually find someone that I'm into who meshes with my twisted personality.

When they drink, they become someone other than who I adore.

That causes problems for me.

I had the opportunity to witness the person that I'm currently seeing drunk this weekend.

I am still not sure how I feel aboutthis.

She also likes to club... I am so not a clubber.

I really like her. I have the potential of really getting hurt here. Hurt because this isn't one of those infatuation type romances. We've worked at it... really, really worked at it.

I'm afraid.

Afraid that it's not going to work... even more afraid that it's going to work.

The one thing I know is that I am not going to sabotage this... or at least try not to.