Trust is a dangerous thing...

The one thing that sucks about relationships is that at some fundamental level... you have to trust the other person.

The problem with that is that people don't show themselves to be trustworthy because they have been hurt by others.

The expectation that you're going to be hurt lends itself to a self fulfilling prophecy.

Here's a story...

My sister-in-law is one of the most sane women that I know. She told me an interesting story.

Her father has a BAD temper which manifested itself in violence.

When she met my brother, she really liked him but couldn't trust him because she didn't know what he was like when he was angry. So what did she do? She would try to make him mad. She would push his buttons over and over again to get him to the point of anger.

When she realized that his anger was different that her Dad's she began to trust.

So... maybe I shouldn't say trust is a dangerous thing... maybe I should say making someone earn your trust is a dangerous thing.

So... why am I on this path? Because of something that was said to me moments ago...

I was seeing this young lady that I really liked.

The problem was, she was hurt by her Dad. If I ever said anything that she didn't agree with, her eyes would glaze over and she would go to her happy place and say "yeah" or "uh-huh" at the appropriate pauses. It didn't matter what I would say... she had tuned out.

The problem was, she was hurt by her ex-husband. Her ex-husband married her, but he decided that he also wanted to date 2 other women to her exclusion... even though they were married. His rejection hurt her.

There were more stories... but you get the picture.

The result was that everything that I did was seen through the filter of guys that did her wrong.

Every dating restriction that she placed on me was based upon guys that had violated her trust in the past.

I happen to be a great guy... and I could put up with it... to a point.

One night, she called me at 11pm on a work night and talked with me until 2:30am. The topic?

"How do I know that you won't leave me when we're married. What if I offend you... will you just put me away?"

Now, we had only been dating for 7 weeks.

She would peer into my past. Ask questions. Grill me. Hold me accountable to decisions that I made during my youth... not the man that I am now.

Anyway... I ended up putting a status on my Facebook that stated exactly how I was feeling at the moment.

She ended up sending me an e-mail that said "[your status cannot be] used to manipulate me or blame me for making decisions that I have every right to make."

Okay... so... you're allowed to have your opinion, but I'm not allowed to have mine?

Yeah... so... I did what she feared... I put her away... removed her from my Facebook. Quickly and privately.

As a result, I am the same as any other guy in her past.

Blah.

I feel bad.

Suck.