Patience... it's a virtue...

It's tough to have patience. If you really want something your mind gets fixated on it. You become irritable. This thing you want moves from being a desire to becoming an obsession... so the first time you get a chance to obtain it... you jump on it without pondering the consequences.

I was in Walmart yesterday with my sons. The cashier had a tattoo on his forearm. My youngest son remarked that it was a cool looking tattoo. In a moment of honesty, the cashier said - "I wish I wouldn't have done it, it was an impulse... you should really take the time to think about what you're getting before you do, because it will be with you for a lifetime."

In a further moment of honesty he said... "I mean... instead of getting this, it could have been a car payment or something..."

People view relationships the same way. They're alone... and they don't want to be alone... So the first person that pays them attention, they run to without thinking about the consequences, if they fit into their life... they just want to be with someone.

It quickly changes... they go from spending an afternoon together to virtually moving in with each other. 

As I've said before, they don't give each other enough time to imprint on each other. 

They put themselves at risk for overexposure, and just like in nature, things die from overexposure.

Okay... I know I've mixed a lot of metaphors...  just some random thoughts for today...

A moment of honesty....

In all honesty... I'm a pretty frugal guy. In a lot of instances, I can't see paying a TON of money for something that is just a material thing. I buy used cars... I shop for sales... If I could have gotten away with a $25 engagement ring based upon symbolism, I would have.

I'm not saying that was my intent... to go cheap... It really wasn't, but I am... frugal.

I apply it to my own life as well. I may like nice things, but if I have to wait until the product is discontinued to get it... I will.

Anyway, the picture above is the engagement ring for Lisa. This was a milestone event for me, because I really went out looking for something that I truly liked. Something that caught my eye... something that would speak to her uniqueness as well.

I wasn't shopping price tag. I wasn't shopping name brand... I was shopping heart.

When I saw this ring... it spoke to me. I took the picture and e-mailed it to her for approval.

"Money can't buy happiness, but going cheap sure can tarnish the feeling..."

Loneliness prevails...

Okay... so I'm dating someone now. As a part of the transition, I am far less accessible than I use to be to all the other single people that I know. The number one question that I get asked is... "can we still be friends?"

Apparently, there is a shortage of people that know how to be friends in the world. True friends, that are interested in your well being and not looking for something in return.

You can call it a grass roots movement of one person trying to change the world...

You can count on me to preserve all my friendships... even in the transition of my life, as long as the friendships stay appropriate.

Memories...

So... we were in the office talking about "how you know" the person of your dreams is the right person for you. I have always believed that the answer lies in how 2 questions are answered:

1. What do you like about me?
2. What would you get my for Christmas/Birthday

These are important questions for a few reasons. The first question is important because you want to know if the person is interested in you, or your attributes. If they say "you're kind, you have a nice smile, the way you approach problems" - those are all attributes. The guy sitting next to you could have those same attributes, so the question truly is... what is it specifically about me?

The second question is important as well. It speaks to whether or not they know you. If their gifts are designed to changes who you are.. then they probably don't like you for who you are and they want to see some minor modifications. If it's generic... again, do they really know anything about you? If it's something that speaks into what you like to do or an interest of yours... then you have a keeper.

So, what's with the picture of money? It took me back to a memory.

My ex-wife use to give me cash for a present. Usually about $100.

The thing is... she was a stay at home Mom at the time. She wasn't bringing income into the household... so where was the money coming from? Me? 

Just a few thoughts...

Oh... what did I buy Lisa for Christmas? An IginuiTEA tea infuser and a sampler of several loose tea blend. Lisa LOVES tea. Has several coups a day...

What did she get me? Well aside from a Macaroni Christmas tree ornament that she made, she picked out 2 sweaters that I mentioned I liked when we went shopping on our 2nd date. One of them has become my absolute favorites getting warn 3-4 times/week. The other is a good weekend sweater.

Nice... eh?

Adversarial Relationships

Life is filled with adversarial relationsips. It's pretty amazing. Even when I see people that are on the same team at work, people are all about trying to protect their sphere of influence. They don't want to share information because in some degree it will detract from their "specialness."



Throughout my life, I have always been the type of person that has always tried to cross the lines. I've always tried to bridge the gap between people because cooperatively, we can do more. But not everyone has the same "it takes a villiage" type of personality.

As a result, since I've always been the type of person that has tried to bridge the gap, it's difficult for me to be the person that asks for help. I always try to figure things out on my own.

One of the things that I need to do is ask for help and seek out help... not only that, but use all the resources that I have in order to do the best that I can.

So... here's to doing it right... contunuing to bridge gaps...

He's making a list...

There's a Christmas song called "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" that comes to memory... Lisa and I met on eHarmony a little over 3 months ago. Tonight, we went back over our communication and dissected it. The conclusion was - we were both honest and presented ourselves as we truly are.

The number one complaint that people talk about when it comes to dating sites is that people lied... they weren't who they said they were... there was some form of miscommunication...

We went through the guided communication, the likes/dis-likes, open ended questions and e-mails... we were true to every bit of it.

To me, in this society it's rare.

I met with Lisa's Pastor this past weekend... we've even set a date... this feels good... really, really good.

My thoughts on blogging...

People blog for a lot of different reasons...

Some people blog because they want to stay connected to other people.

Others blog because they want to be heard...

for others... it's a form of creativity and self expression...

Others... want to be noticed by others...

My blog... is more like a big searchable sticky note. Over the past few years, I have wrestled with getting my life under control. This serves as a testament, a memory, and an encouragement that life can get better if you go through all the struggles that it has to offer.

This is personal.

It's for me.

If the average reader finds something useful and hopeful, I'm glad... I am a big fan of taking ownership of your life, setting a direction and living life with conviction...

But if no one ever reads a word that I've written or posts an encouraging word... the words stand as a sign that I have lived my life well and fought the battle hard... and in all things have lived according to my convictions and beliefs... and in todays society... that's a rare thing.

So to the casual reader who has stumbled upon my chronicles... I hope it encourages you to stay hopeful, be vigilant and to live boldly!

Oops... I forgot...

One of the easiest things to do... ever is forget. We do it all the time. We forget where we put our keys, we forget to pick things up from the store. We forget birthdays and meetings... A lot of times we also forget why we made certain decisions.

Forgetting why we made certain decisions is the one that reaches up and bites us more frequently than anything else. An example in my life is - forgetting why I choose to eat healthy and work out. It's really easy to fall into the old habits of not exercising regularly and eating fast food 4 meals a day. (Yes... I said 4... I'm not proud of it...)

Anyway why am I saying all this? Because I am in the process of trying very hard to meet my 2011 action plan. I'm doing better with time management, although there are a lot of times I just let the time get away from me. On the eating better platform... I can honestly say that I'm doing better.

As far as giving? I now know that I need to set that aside at the beginning of the month, or it probably isn't going to happen.

So... I put my action plan in the organizer that I carry around with me... so I can keep this in front of me at all times. IF you want to succeed at something... then you should always look at it.. recite the game plan... keep it in front of your eyes.

That way... you won't forget.

Promise, Problem, Provision

Sometimes people wonder why people hold on to Christianity. For some, it's hard to believe that there is a God and that He is involved in the lives of people that believe in Him. Some believe it to be superstition and tend to hold on the their own self determination and their own way.

I admit it, I struggle myself, but I always come back to the same thing.

God is... and he is active in my life in a way that extends beyond fate or luck ever could.

Here is the current situation that's going on in my life where I expect God to move in a mighty way...

I have met this incredible woman. She's going to be my wife. She is incredible. She has a true faith in God, she knows who she is in the context of a relationship, she's a communicator, she's consistent. She has a sensual side, a playful side, a serious side... always appropriate for the situation. Oh yeah... she's beautiful.

I mean... she matches my secret wish list... she's the right height, has the right temperament. I could not have picked out a better person...

The promise is... that I am going to marry the woman of my dreams.

The problem is... she lives in a different state than I do. In this economy, I need a job in that city too... not just any job... it requires a significant amount of money too... I have child support that needs to be payed as well as the ability to contribute to the well being of a family that I will be joining.

In church on Sunday, Pastor was talking about Promise, Problem, and Provision... how the story of the Bible is that there is a promise, followed by a problem, then provision. The whole purpose of this is to strengthen your faith in God... so that you know that he is involved in your life... how as he continues to move you forward through life, you'll have the opportunity to see his provision. It's because he trusts you and has great things in store for you... the ability to reach and effect those that are around you.

I know it doesn't make sense... but that's God's way of getting your attention... So, when you see challenge or opportunity... try something different... try God.

500th post!!!

It's only fitting that on my 500th post I have good news... so, I show up at work today and what do I see? They've hired a black woman.... and interviewed 2 more black guys today. Wow... that's special. So much for being an extreme minority. I looks like the tables are turning.

Anyway... a lot changes in a few days. I found out yesterday that the people that I work with... the ones that I hold in high esteem are as clueless as I am. That's a good thing. It means that I have the comfort to actually learn things at a comfortable pace, speak my mind... and participate at a higher level.

I love taking control of the career! It's a good thing!

Being an extreme minority...

It's 2011... in this day and age, many people don't think in terms of race or color. I spend most of my life no thinking about it either. I have spent my entire life trying to "integrate" and live my life as a part of the larger community and not try to isolate myself to just stay/associate with people in my own race.

But... there are problems that arise... like this picture for example... this picture was taken when I was in 5th grade. Our class raised $300 for the Erie Canal Village and we were presenting our earnings to the Mayor. What a cool photo op. I was randomly selected to be our classes representative.

One question... why is the black kid so far away from the money???

It's small things like this that toy with my vision of a utopia where there is 100% inclusion.

Why am I writing about this? 

I am on a new project at work where I am the new guy. I am completely beholden to everyone on the team to learn about what we do. This is particularly true because I sit away from the core team in an office where I am one of two people... and I'm usually the only person that's in the office. It makes it hard to accomplish things because there is no unique way to get the information that you don't know.

I don't have an intrinsic community where I can safely go to in order to get respite. I kind of feel like I have to figure things out on my own and that my success rests solely in my hands and I don't have the tools necessary to help me accomplish this.

One of the things that I plan on doing is talking with my management team about going to another environment where I can more comfortable obtain the support that I need.

The question is... how do you approach this?

Phoning it in...

The past 5 years have been a blur.

I was in in divorce court for 2 years.
FINALLY finished up the divorce.
Was outsourced... Twice.
Took a sabbatical to take care of my Father... And was with him when he drew his last breath.
I took a job in another city so I could be near my Mother to help her with her transition... (my own brothers and sisters marvel at the fact that I've managed to keep my sanity over the last 2 years...)

I honestly can't say that I've been phoning in my time at work. I've gone there... I've done the job... But I can't say that my heart has truly been in it.

Until now.

Now... I realize that I have had some short comings in my performance and that I need to step up my game.

That thing inside me that wants to manage my career has re-awoken again.

So... Over the next few blogs, I'm going to work out my career vision... How to get there... What I want out of life.

This... As usual, should get very interesting.

Procrastination...

So... I have this project that I have to do for work... and at the moment, I am so uninspired to do it. But... it's due tomorrow. Although  have a ton of work to do for my Big Boss in the office tomorrow I absolutely have to get this project done tonight.

The problem is, I don't have ALL the information that I need or a good format to use. It's frustrating.

There are some BIG differences between working for the government and working in the private sector. The BIG difference is that no one really knows how to do anything with the government. Everyone is winging it all the time. There's no sense of urgency, but everyone wants to keep you accountable.

It's frustrating, but I truly believe that if I can master this situation, I can learn something...

Human Sexuality

Human sexuality is an interesting thing. The first time that you willingly have sexual intercourse a path is set forward. Your body remembers it. Your body craves it.

Those people that have had a healthy sex life find it hard not to cross the  line in the dating world. Kissing gets out of control... Hands start to roam... And before you know it... There you are in the middle of a sexual relaitonship.

This actually gets pretty interesting. Emotions are tied to sex for some... And it's hard to get out of a relationship once you've crossed that line.

Okay... Why am I writing all of this?

Because Lisa and I have agreed to not have sex until we are married. But... We both have a relational sexual past. Kissing leads to roaming hands leads to grinding into each other as she's pressed against the wall...

But, we have agreed (my idea that she has agreed with) that this is the direction that we want to go.

It's interesting.

We are forced to actually show restraint. To occupy our time continuing to get to know each other. I think the longing to cross this line is making us closer.

It's different.

I like it.