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I was really proud of myself... until last night.

I had been going through my blog and was checking off the little check boxes of my life - the goals that I had set for myself that I considered successfully completed.

I was amazed at how I wrote about my social anxiety and how I am able to handle those situations now - as a matter of fact, tonight I organized an outing with 20-30 friends form various walks of my life.

I wrote about not having close friends to having local friends that I socialize with on a regular basis.

My life is balanced in all areas - I have a great job that I love, people that I love and care for and vice versa.

There is still one major area in my life that I still need to work on.

Emotional Honesty

I have a blog posting somewhere that I talk about this... I think I'm going to have to find it. Read it. Learn it.

I was on the phone last night and actually broke into tears. I'm sad. Not depressed, but sad. And I am afraid to unleash my emotions because I don't want to know why I'm sad. I'm afraid of what it would feel like to feel. It's just so much easier to just shove them all in a box and not have to deal with them. To be stoic, even, balanced. Unhealthy, but consistent. And I need consistent.

Maybe I'll explore my emotions when I find that safe place to let them flow.