I think this "getting to know me" exercise has really done a good job in filling in some holes that have prevented me from being the man that I've always wanted to be.
One of the things that I frequently write about is the feeling that I don't quite fit in. I have been working really hard at trying to fill that hole. Well... this week I've made great strides at filling that hole.
I've reconnected with some friends from high school. Remembering the good times has begun to overshadow some of the other memories. It turns out... that I might not have been the loner that I thought I was... the way people keep coming out of the woodworks.
I had a conversation with this guy David - who was definitely one of the most popular guys in elementary school. He was talking about how he hated to wear glasses and he felt like a dork. But when I came in wearing mine and was cool about it, it made him feel a little bit better about wearing his.
It's really amazing how your life changes can skew your memories and impact where you are today.
But I'm thankful having gone through those years of doubting myself and thinking of me as being less than what I am. I can really now appreciate who I am a little better than before.
I also think I have a better understanding of relationships. There was a time where I would settle in my relationships and end up spending time with people that were really unhealthy for me, just because they said they were interested in me. Just for that brief moment of affirmation that I was special in someones eyes.
Truth is? I am special. I am a reasonably good looking guy that is emotionally healthy without past relationship baggage. Although I have an ex-wife and 3 sons... I can freely admit my love for my sons and that my ex-wife doesn't get under my skin. There aren't a lot of people that can say that.
So for the first time in a long time... I can say "My name is (insert name here), and I am okay with who I am."
1 comment:
I think it is important to feel valued by others when one is as self aware as you are. Because one is always 'self-evaluating' -it is when someone else affirms us-that we are 'self-validated'.
I for one have a melancholy personality 'type'. When someone says something nice about me, consequently, I tend to downplay it. In that way one only tends to accept comments from people that one can assess are purely genuine.
In a certain 'place' after I left my marriage, some years ago now, someone who I respected said, "[Acoustic Eagle] you're ok". It was only 3 little words, first my name then "you're ok", but they meant an awful lot.
You're Ok D.
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