Building a foundation...

TC and I are planning to meet for the first time in 25 days. In 25 days, it will be 2 months since we first exchanged e-mails.

Since that time, we have exchanged long e-mails, talked on the telephone nightly for 4 to 6 hours.

Our conversations are interesting. We don't spend a lot of time talking about the past, although occasionally we ask pertinent questions like:

"Tell me about your adult relationships. How did they end? What role did you play in their demise?"

We don't play the "I think you're great because..." games.

We spend time trying to understand each others coping skills. Problem solving styles. Communication models. Building a safe environment to approach sensitive topics. Allowing the other person to feel safe when asking questions that are far too personal for casual conversation.

Of course, it's not always nose to the grindstone foundation building. We also joke around. TC has a wickedly twisted sense of humor and appreciates mine.

Both of us have friends that are trying to understand why we are waiting so long. We both have friends that try to give us advice about our first meeting. I'm not sure they understand what we're trying to do.

Actually... I'm not sure we know what we're trying to do. Well, actually I do. She is trying to qualify me... I am trying to disqualify her.

More on that... tomorrow.