Feelings...

I'm toying with a theory.

Some people feel too much, while others don't feel enough. The rest of the planet has the balance just about right.

People who are at either extreme tend to be rather self destructive in their behavior... that is, unless they can manage it in some form of artistic endeavor.

For the people who feel too much - they frequently try to numb the voices - they drink too much, they will use narcotics - virtually anything in order to get a moment of peace.

For the people who feel too little - they spend their time trying to feel something - whether it's chasing sex, chasing a high, chasing a dream, cutting... whatever.

A lot of these people end their life tragically.

Where do I fit in?

I both feel too much AND too little.

I know... that's an oxymoron, isn't it?

I have all these really strong emotional feelings of overwhelming sadness, despair, frustration, the cusp of anger... but it is balanced with an equal amount of numbness and just not caring.

There are times when I wished that this balance didn't exist. At least I would be able to use it in some sort of artistic outlet... but instead? I'm kind of stifled in this really weird limbo.

A friend of mine from high school said - "... you have always been a square peg, why is this bothering you now?"

Maybe that's the question that I need to ask myself...