The problem that I have is that everyone wants to sprint to the "I love you" and it doesn't give me time to really get comfortable - really get to know who they are.
It's draining. I honestly do emotionally invest in trying to get to know them, but how long does it take for you to say "I love you?"
Once you say those words - that always is held over your head to some degree... "How can you leave? You said you loved me..."
It's weird.
Lately, I have never felt more out of control than anything.
Okay... so, I have feelings for you. But, when I feel like I'm being backed into a corner and have no way out you get upset with me when I strike out and try to create a little space? A little breathing room? Okay, maybe I do it the wrong way - say a thing or two that I'll regret later... but give me a chance to progress at my own pace.
I recently took down 1 of my blogs because that one was virtually being attacked. For 3 years I had written about my life, my divorce, my struggles - had received countless e-mails from people that said I had encouraged them and now? It's gone.
I don't know...
Maybe I'm weak in not being able to stick with my own plans... to be friends first... maybe I get a little caught up in the moment that someone is actually interested in me and lose focus.
All I know is that I have made a lot of mistakes during the last 30 days. Ones that I have learned from... Ones that I will try very hard to never make again.
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