Curve balls from the Universe

(Photo taken on my walk in to work)

When it rains, it pours… or should I say… when it snows it… oh well… I can’t figure out how to complete the metaphor.

Alright. I’m going to have to concentrate. It’s my goal to complete this posting with no profanity and with clear and concise thoughts.

This entire week has been ARRRRRRGH frustrating to say the least.

Each day has been more and MORE frustrating.

Okay… where to start?

Start small. How do I feel?

Frustrated and anxious.

Why?

Because I can’t control the universe.

That’s normal… most people can’t control the universe.

My universe is falling apart.

Okay, bring it down to a level that I can understand. Can you give me an example?

Sure, I’ll do it in categories. First, let’s talk about the women in my life.

I thought in our previous session you said that you weren’t dating, and that you were fine with not dating anyone. If I recall, you said that you were willing to take 2 years to figure things out.

I did… let me see if I can explain this. In order for me not to date, I have to fix in my mind that I am actively “dating” someone, even if we aren’t. Does that make sense?

I think so – you do have that ability to latch on to an idea and cling to it.

Exactly. Well… both of the people that I had latched on to – they’re both seeing people now. They both started at around the same time. One, I used to talk with for at least an hour a day… sometimes more. The other – I would get to hang out with. Now both of those are gone.

Isn’t that a little extreme and fatalistic? I mean, I’m sure they haven’t completely excluded you from their lives.

They haven’t. But you know, there’s always that slight difference between what is and what “is”.

No, I don’t. Please, explain.

I would rather not.

We’ve been making so much progress. Don’t shut down now.

Well… they are both 2 different people. They both care for me in their own way. One would probably leave the guy that she is seeing tonight if I told her that she was the one for me. The other, would run away and never speak to me again.

Then there’s the woman that was illuminated from the heavens, and the voice that spoke to me saying that she’s going to be my next wife.

What is, is that I know I am a great guy. I know that there are others out there that care for me immensely. With the exception of the woman that was illuminated, because she barely knows who I am. I know that I have value and worth.

But what is… is that I feel alone and isolated.

Aren’t there people that you talk with on a regular basis? Aren’t there people that you know care for you.

It’s not the same. There is a hole that is there. Can we move on?

You always deflect when we’re close… try one more time…

I need to be able to spend time with people that I care about in order to feel better about myself.

But didn’t you have the opportunity to do that this weekend?

I did… but the universe threw me a curve ball that I wasn’t expecting.

The universe, the one you can’t control – is now fighting against you?

Well, yes. I took out an ad in Denver. To look for someone that I could hang out with while I was there. Not in a relationship or friends with benefit perspective – but just to hang out with.

That sounds healthy. Finding people to hang out with that you don’t work with.

Well, one of the people that responded, looks JUST like one of the people that is now dating someone.

You’re kidding. Right?

No… look at this picture. And this picture.

Oh my. There is a striking resemblance.

Tell me about it.

It sounds like you’re on the verge of depression again. I thought you haven’t had a depressive episode since you filed for divorce.

This isn’t depression. This is despair. There’s a subtle difference.

Let’s take a different approach. Tell me something positive. You’re a self proclaimed optimist.

It’s snowing outside. Reminds me of home.