I have broken up with people in the past over things that most would say are silly little things. I've always disagreed and held on to my vision. I was reading an article bu Dr. Terri Orbuch, aka "The Love Doctor." She is a professor, relationship therapist and author and wrote an article called
4 Relationship Myths That Almost Everyone Perpetuates
Here they are:
1) Myth: Opposites attract and are more likely to stay interesting to one another over the long haul.
Fact: My research and that of others show that similarities are what actually keep people together for the long term and lead to the most successful, happy relationships. In my study, happy couples might have very different tastes in music, different social backgrounds, or even different religious, but the key aspect they shared was similar basic life values. This is the similarity that counts.
The take-away: If you want to find someone to grow old with, look for someone who has values that are compatible with yours.
In my life: There are many people I could have been happy with, but I couldn't compromise on the basic life values. I have had to learn to accept the fact that people are people and unless theres a real epipany, life approach does not change. Myth... confirmed!
2) Myth: A perfect relationship means no conflict.
Fact: A lack of conflict in a relationship signals that you may not be dealing with issues that really matter. In a surprising finding from my long-term study of marriage, the couples who reported no tensions or differences about money, family, spouse's family, leisure time, religious beliefs, or children were not very happy over time.
The take away: Don't shy away from difficult conversations. Learning how to disagree in a healthy, productive manner is a key component of happy relationships.
In my life: There was a lack of conflict in my marriage I believe it was because neither of us cared really... if there were conflict and passion, I think we would have truly lasted a lifetime. Myth confirmed!
3) Myth: Having separate lives keeps couples together long term.
Fact: Interdependence -- social, emotional, and financial -- is what creates the incentive for couples to stay together. It's also important to be independent, to have your own interests, activities, and friends. This adds excitement and freshness to relationships. But couples who live parallel lives and don't invite their spouse into their world on a regular basis tend to grow apart and be unhappy over the long term.
The take-away: Couples who work on acquiring common interests as the years go by are much happier than those in which each partner gets increasingly involved in a separate set of activities.
In my life: I always believed in having friends, hobbies, etc. If the other person doesn't know what they like to do, then they will become insecure and jealous of the time you spend away. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder. Making new experiences allows for new conversations too! Myth... confirmed!
4) Myth: To be happy, you need to talk about relationship challenges and problems often.
Fact: In order for intimacy to occur in a relationship, both partners need to share and disclose concerns from time to time. But be careful about how much time you spend on conscious relationship maintenance, because men and women have very different tolerances for "relationship talk." Women, as a rule, have a positive association with relationship talk; it makes them feel connected and happy. Men, on the other hand, do not enjoy relationship talk; it makes them feel blamed, worried, and distressed.
The take-away: Women, carefully pick those moments when you feel it's necessary to talk about your relationship feelings. Men, realize that her need to clarify and check in feels reassuring to her, even if it doesn't to you.
In my life: I believe this to be true. Good relationships don't happen accidently. They are built one conversation at a time. Myth... Confirmed!
At the moment, my life is being thrown into sharp focus. I am beginning to see things clearly. Dreams have been re-awakened. I'm actually content and happy.
