Emotional Honesty

After I finished up my Emotionally Damaged posts I talked with a couple of my friends last night and we were able to get to a deeper level. A level that I like to call:

The fundamental truth

I don't feel because I hate my ex-wife.

I don't want to... but it's this deep, visceral hatred.

I hate the fact that she doesn't keep me in the loop with what's going on with the boys. (Report Cards, School Activities)

I hate the fact that she plans things for them when it's my weekend.

I hate the fact that she calls last minute asking me to do things.

I hate that she still tries to control my time.

I hate that she comments on how I choose to arrange my house.

I hate the fact that she has my neighbors spying on me.

I hate the fact that she can't be civil, she's always mean.

I hate the fact that she doesn't keep her word.

I hate the fact that when I tell her my travel schedule, she'll have the boys call when I'm away asking me to take them places... even after I've told everyone what my schedule is.

I... hate... her because when I wanted to plan with her to make things better for the boys after the divorce she refused to participate.

I hate her because she got everything that she wanted - and she still wants more.

I hate her.

And I don't want to.

So it's easier not to feel anything.