The crunchy truth...

I just got off the phone with my Pastor. We talked for about an hour... it was a good conversation.

He wanted to understand about why our marriage fell apart... what the breakdown was.

Well... here's the crunchy truth.

We were not ready to be married... and probably should not have gotten married.

The truth is, I was trying to break up with you when you told me that you were expecting. The woman that I gave my virginity to was expecting. I asked you to marry me - you said yes... the problems began.

I frequently said that you "didn't like me" - the truth is, you had dreams. There were things that you wanted to accomplish. Things you wanted to prove to yourself that you put on hold in order to try to make family work with me.

I thank you for that. It means a lot that you would try to partner with me in life.

As for me? I always wondered in the back of my head what life may have been like if I married someone else... so maybe I looked at you with a slightly judgemental eye.

I always tried... always cared... always wanted the best for you.

We both made mistakes.

It hurts me because you never bothered to get to know me, especially when I know you so well. It hurts me that you still spit words at me with venom and anger. I always try to be kind. All I've ever asked is that you just listen... I still need your help with some things... just listen. Even if we couldn't work through things while we were married for the sake of the kids can't we try something new? Can't we try to communicate?

My next goal can't be reached without you... we need to cooperate, for the sake of our kids.