Learning to be social...

Here are my thoughts from the airplane...

When we moved to Rome, NY from Italy we moved into an incredible lake side community. A lot of families. People actually knew each other and there was a great sense of community there.

I remember my older brothers and sisters really enjoying it and having great friends there.

Here's what I remember:

"Mom... can I go outside?"

"Yes, but don't leave the front yard."

Even in my teenage years... "Mom... can I go outside?"

"Yes, but don't leave the front porch."

Mom had this fear of letting me out of her site. I had to beg to be able to go over peoples houses and I was always forbidden to go into peoples houses or even sleep overs or anything of that nature.

I even thought about wanting to be an Eagle Scout in the Boy Scouts. My scouting career ended with the Arrow of Light. Why? Because after that ceremony, the first Boy Scout meeting was a camp out.

I wasn't allowed to go. Why?

According to my Mom... "Grown men wanting to sleep outside with boys... there's something wrong with that."

Even as an adult... having 3 sons... I would frequently be down on the ground rolling around playing with them - enjoying our time together...

What would Mom say? "You shouldn't play with your children like that..."

The truth is, I have a lot of resentment towards my Mother. My relationship with her is very strained.

She doesn't listen to what I have to say. I'm 38 and she still disapproves of friends of mine. I would love to be able to sit down with her and have a conversation... but she won't ever listen. She always goes into what I should do... before she even understands what I'm talking about.

In all honesty, I would rather not talk with her at all than put up with the frustration.

And that... bothers me.

She wants me to be the little boy on the porch and will never view me as anything other than that.

I think to some degree everyone wants the approval of their Mother... or at least to know that they have her unconditional love.

My Mom says she loves me.

But she doesn't know me.