Wednesday, April 29, 2009

If only it were that easy...

If only dating were as easy as hitting a button...

I am not saying that there are not people that are interested in me... there are. There are people that I could unhappily date tomorrow.

But I don't want to unhappily date.

There are people that express interest, then want you to chase them...

I am done chasing and ready to be chased.

Where are the people of substance?

Does anyone have a friend that want to introduce me to?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hold on tight...

Okay... I am about to rant... so for those of you who may be easily offended about what I may have to say about Mom's... don't read any further.

My Mother has issues. Serious issues.

For starters, she is a habitual liar. She will lie to you as easily as saying hello. She does it regularly and consistently. This is usually not a problem until she started involving me with her lies.

Having gone through divorce counselling there is one thing that I have learned... it's never a good idea to be an enabler. So, being the good son that I am, I decided to bring it to her attention whenever she chose to lie. I think it was shocking for her to realize exactly how much she actually did this.

After 2 days of holding her feet to the flame for 2 days she decided to accuse me of lying as well and said we all do it. My reply was that I don't lie. I have no need to, I will tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. The truth... is the truth. It's far easier to tell it than to try to remember lies.

So, Mom started questioning me on comments that I had made, and I was telling her that they were all true and it ended in a VICIOUS attack on who I am as a person.

Mom: You said you were interested in this woman in Atlanta.
Me: Yes, Shanna

Mom: But you said you went out with this woman up the road.
Me: Yes, Relationships are 2 way streets. It takes two people to be interested.

Mom: You said your house were selling your house, but you're always up there.
Me: Mom, you see the news. No houses are selling

Mom: You said you see your sons every other weekend.
Me: Yes, I do

Mom: But you say you're going to see this weekend.
Me: They are my sons. I am going to see them as much as possible.

Mom: Next thing you're going to do is tell me you have a boyfriend.

I was like - wha? wha? Did you say what I think you said? 

I walked out the door and replied - you... have issues.

When I got home there was a message on my answering machine. There was no apology, simply a statement:

"I am your Mom, yes, I said Mom. And you will respect me as your Mom. What you said was completely uncalled for"

Mom is a mean, manipulative. lying, woman. That's not being disrespectful. It's an observation.

A truthful observation.

She fails to see when she says something that is hurtful.
She has an inability to apologize.
She is enabled by her children who are forgiving and allow her to get away with this behavior.

I refuse to allow this to happen. I will not enable her. 

Ever.

I didn't talk with her the decade of the 90's because she had an issue with the fact that I played with my sons who were 9 months and 4 years old at the time. Her reply was:

"You're their father, they need to respect you... you should play with them."

My reply then was, you had your chance at being a parent...

Anyway, I spoke with my brothers and sisters last night. They each had their own horror stories.

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.

1 brother didn't come home for Dad's funeral because of Mom.
1 sister only came because it was Dad... and for appearance sake.

Half of my siblings would be content if they never saw her again. They call on the phone and take her in small doses, but it's manageable and controlled.

My 2nd oldest brother attempted to say these words to "comfort" me...

"We have all gone through periods where we said we were never going home again because of Mom, but now that Dad is gone, she's the only parent that we have... and one day, we she won't be here."

Well, sorry Bro. I'm not that sentimental.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Finding Balance


This is me from the future writing. Really, it's 12/27/2010. I'm not kidding.

You're probably wondering how I'm able to travel back in time and write this... shhhh... it's a secret, but if you really read my blog carefully you'll find the clues.

Anyway, future me is telling you (past me) that one day... you're going to find a woman that is equally as balanced as you are. When you do, it's going to be a beautiful thing.

Hold out.

Don't compromise.

Stick to your guns. It will be all right.

And the heart dangles in the balance...

Okay... so, there was this woman named Shanna. I was hooked on her after our second conversation. When I met her there was instant chemistry. It wasn't until the 3rd date until we kissed for the first time.

The anticipation was intense, the kiss was magical. It wasn't one of those lustful super passionate kisses. 

It was the right mixture of tentative, mixed with a dash genuine intimacy and a sprinkle of fireworks. If you were to ask her, she would agree.

And of course, I think I vented here when I said she took a left hand off the bridge firmly holding my heart when she decided that she needed to pursue her ex-boyfriend.

During that torturous time, I tried to say good-bye but she firmly had my heart in her hands.

Fast forward to now.

She is done with William. All done. Fini. It is finished.

The question is, do I go back and attempt to pursue her again... 

or 

do I risk it trying to get to know someone new.

There is a delightful lady that I have been spending some time with... but she's not Shanna.

She's more attractive, a little bit more relationally stable... but she doesn't get me the way that Shanna does. I don't get her the way that I get her the way that I understood Shanna. I'm not sure we can get there, but...

Is it worth it?

Do you go with the evil that you know?

My heart so completely rests in the balance, and I am lost on this one... seriously.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Well... for once, I did not put on my running shoes.

I did what many people have previously thought was impossible for me.

I met a woman, fell in love with her, eas emotionally open and honest, demonstrated that I loved and cared for her... 

and SHE ran.

She pretty much decided that she wanted to try to work things out with her ex-boyfriend of 10 years. The one who doesn't take her out on dates... the one that does nothing with her... except make her miserable.

So... I said good-bye to her today... 

after 3 months of chasing her...
after 3 months of hoping, wishing...

I'm not sad.

I mourned over her weeks ago, just needed to hear the words from her mouth.

It was rare. We really connected. And she is chasing a pipe dream.

C'est la vie.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hear no evil...

I am tired.

In the last few weeks I have had to talk with people that I know about:

  • Their husband cheating on them
  • Losing their best friends
  • Medical conditions
  • Losing their jobs
  • People who have miscarried
  • The list goes on...
They want to talk for HOURS and HOURS, just saying the same thing over and over again.

It skews your view of the world to be the place where people need to vent/dump... and I try not to hold on their trash, but it effects me.

Can someone call me just to hang out? Can someone call me for some good news for a change?


Friday, April 10, 2009

What is love???

This has been a very interesting couple of months.

Although I admit that I have learned a lot about relationships, I have a lot that I have had to learn about love.

The last few months have learned more about love than I care to.

Let me see if I can explain my dating life over the last 2  years I have been interested in women that were hundreds of miles away... Indiana, Colorado, North Carolina, Tennessee... no one closer than 4 1/2 hours away from where I live.

Part of that was because I really wasn't ready to haveanyone close to where I live. It was the best way to have an exit strategy because I didn't want to have a relationship with my heart even though my head was telling me different.

In February, I met someone that I will only call... Ms. Pumpkin.

When I met Ms. Pumpkin there was this instant chemistry.

She was exactly what I was looking for. And vice-versa. We really dug each each other. And not in the way that most post-modern relationships work where it's a race to get to the bedroom. We were maybe 3 dates in before we shared our first kiss... fireworks!

The primary problem was that as soon as she trusted me enough to allow me to meet her daughter (5) and her family, her ex-boyfriend came into play.

She has seen this guy on and off for 10 years. He has never committed, but just wants to be jealous and over protective when a guy another guy comes into play.

Ms. Pumpkin feels a bit of loyalty for this guy, although I'm not 100% sure why. But she has this need to get him out of her system, so for the last month I have had to deel with her trying to work things out with a man that won't even so much as take her out on a date.

Today... is Friday. It's the date that she gives him "The Ultimatum" - to commit or leave her the heck alone.

As hard as this is for me, and as much as I care, when Monday comes around I may have to leave her... for good. I cannot be her plan B make her feel good.

Below... is the last e-mail that she sent me.

------------------------------
I know that I frustrate you I frustrate me for the love of God . I know that you respect me and that you really would be fantastic for me and (my daughter) . I know this or I would have never considered getting to know you in the first place . I don't do that alot . I miss you when we don't talk . I do get upset with you when you think i am just out for me and that i dont get what you are saying or doing or that you are real I know that you are real! I struggle with the fact that i might watch you slip away bc i am focused on what I think is suppose to happen . i might miss my mark but if i do I cant blame anyone but me . You have been fabulous and wonderful ! I love every minute of getting to know you . I know that we still have a path ahead of us ! Dont give up on us just yet .. I dont mean DONT date I mean go about your way but dont totally close your eyes on me ... i am still here i am just slower alot slower than normal ... I will talk to you soon ! Sweetness!