Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Self Esteem Issues Abound...

Chi Chi... oh Chi Chi...

I am convinced that I cannot see Chi Chi any more and I've got to figure out how to end it with her without hurting her already low self esteem.

For 3 weeks, whenever I tell her how great she is, she responds with she's not.

If I invite her to something, she's surprised because she can't understand why I would be interested her.

I am at the point where I cannot... absolutely cannot love her enough for the both of us.

My one and only big question is... why do I always pick the odd ones?

I have a friend at work that says I'm a serial dater. I don't think I'm a serial dater at all... I just know when to leave - make a graceful exit

It's frustrating...

I think I'm going to take another long break from dating and just be...

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Dating

So... I'm dating again. Yeah... I know... you would think that I was a serial dater. The truth is, I am not.

I tend to be very selective in terms of who I choose. I also have a very weird and unique approach that scares people away... as a result, when someone is really interested, I tend to roll with it and see what happens.

So... I'm seeing Chi Chi (obviously not her real name) now. As a result, I decided that it would be important to blog... blogging helps me not make mistakes.

Here's the first thing I need to remember and put into practice:

She likes me. She's not going to arbitrarily bail out on me. As a result, I should put up my track shoes. Relax into this....

More later!

Apparently, I'm that guy...

In the last 2 weeks, I have had several people tell me that they didn't appreciate my "attitude" and that I was being snippy and short with them.

I think that's crazy.

Maybe, I have been so docile and passive that they aren't use to me expressing how I feel on a topic or being slightly less than perfect.

I am giving myself the permission to be human.

My true friends will be able to deal.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Selfishness

I consider myself to be a very altruistic person. I generally think of others before myself... often to my detriment. This has been my mode of operation for years... and now I am beginning to see that this line of thinking doesn't always work.

As a result, I've started doing something that has surprised friends of mine.

I've started saying good bye.

It's not that I just hit them with a full on good bye and blind side them... well, to some, it's just a good bye...

But to others... others that I have invested in over the years, I have tried to explain to them the way that they have consistently treated me over the years... that their occasional show of concern that pops up only when I'm not there to listen to what's going on in their world is not quite enough.

I am not sure how everyone has gotten into this twisted self preservation mode.

It's crazy.

You take a moment to get to know someone and all of a sudden they start pulling back whenever there is a hint of closeness.

It frustrates me to no end.

A while ago I wrote about finding my tribe.

What I understand now is that I can't find my tribe because I'm surrounded by too many people that belong to a different way of thinking.

I need to go on a proverbial walkabout and find my people...

The ones that are willing to risk closeness.