Where have I been???

Ok... honestly, I generally tend to be a consistent blogger unless something is going on in my life.

Many of you know a little of what's going on with my parents... a few of my closer friends know what's going in a little deeper way.

Honestly, there are 2 different things going on.

1) I don't have consistent internet connectivity at my parents house. (Working on putting in a wireless router within the next week or so.)

2) I am in the process of getting to know a woman who apparently is too good to be true.

The above picture represents her... because I promised to keep her identity... a secret.

To a lot of people that know me and have known me - they know that I am a runner. I will run from someone that is interested in me as fast as I can, I will run in the opposite direction.

Of course, I will also run towards people that are not interested in me...

So... Hi TC!!!

Sometimes I feel really sorry for TC.

IF... I am interested in someone, it is honestly scarey to me, so I try very hard to find a reason to disqualify them.

Not everyone an stand that type of scrutiny.

But, there's equity. She asks hard questions as well, and pays attention to the things that I say and pins me down for real answers... and we all know how ambiguous I like to be sometimes.

Well, I've raised the bar in terms of what I'm looking for. There have been a lot of really good high jumpers that haven't been able to get over the bar.

TC... is apparently a pole vaulter.

I'm sure you'll hear more in the future... I just wanted to put this out there in way of introdution.

What is enslaving you?

Everyone is a slave to something. Some people are slaves to their jobs, others coffee or drugs. I even know some people who are slaves situations and circumstances.

The one thing that I know is that I am not a slave to my past. I have friends that ask me about my ex wife (whom I will refer to as X going forward)... honestly, I tell stories about the good times and about the bad times.

But none of those stories have a hold on who I am now. Not emotionally. Not with her.

I am bound by a fathers love to our sons. I am not a slave to it, but a willing servant who desires to serve them in the best capacity possible.

It's interesting. This morning I had an epiphany of sorts. To a lot of people, divorce is like ending a chapter in a book. The book continues adding new chapters. The truth is... if that's the case then that wrinkle in the plot has lasting effects on the rest of the book... doesn't it?

I choose a different freedom. (Notice the subtle change from being in bondage to being free?) For me, divorce was the end of a book. What's next is a brand new story. Unless I choose to bring drama into my story from another book... and that's at my discretion.

I choose... to move forward.

I choose to be enslaved to my love for our sons and their well being, both emotionally and physically to the best of my ability, but I refuse to be enslaved by an emotional hold on a character that plays no significant role in the book I am currently writing.

In this new book, I do not currently have a co-author. My previous co-writer cannot suggest or even imply plot twists or wrinkles in my story.

I do hope that she understands that the words that she writes in the story of the lives of our children will have a lasting impact on their own lives... but that, sadly, is not something that I can control.

I can write in strength of character and unconditional love to their stories... but ultimately, as they look back and begin to write their own story I can only hope that the good in their lives has outweighed the bad and that their epic story ends well.

Well, that's enough mixed metaphors for the day...

What's a good first date?

So... I would like to go on a date. But honestly, what makes a good date? Before I'm put into a position where I have to come up with an idea on the fly, it's probably a good idea to spend some time thinking about this.

The first thing that I did was look online. AskMen.Com makes the following suggestions: (I'm listing them all because I hope you'll start laughing as hard as I did... the editorial comments are theirs, not mine...)

1. Hot Air Balloon Ride (with her hanging on to you because she is afraid of heights)

2. Massage

3. Catered meal (It might cost some extra money, but at least there's a chance that you won't have to drive her home!)

4. Roof Terrace

5. Limo Ride

6. Psychic

7. Golf

8. Go-Karting

9. Casino

10. Picnic

11. Amusement Park ( she won't have a chance to get bored_

12. Concert

13. Mini Golf (A cheap and fairly easy "sport," it allows for some physical contact when you have to give her a crash course on how to hold the putter.)

14. Billiards (You can raise the stakes by saying, "Whoever loses the game must cook supper for the other." And just like that, you've got yourself a second round of love.)

15. The Beach (This is the perfect way to enjoy the sun, show off your new swimsuit and see what she looks like in a bikini. And if all else fails, there is still enough eye candy to keep you busy.)

Honestly... sometimes I wonder how we as a species manage to continue if these are our mating rituals... then, when I look at the number of failed relationships that are out there it all comes into a sharp focus.

So, here are my thoughts on the topic...

First, I honestly don't think that dating is the best way to get to know someone. I think it would be best if you spent some time talking first, before you get to the point of thinking about dating. Dating adds so many complications... you can easily get distracted by the smell of perfume, her subtle curves, the way she looks at you and smiles...

It's important to stay focused. After all, if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you have got to know the real them...

So... by the time you have that all important first date, you should have hours of phone conversation under your belt... they should basically know who you are... and vise-versa.

There should be a comfort level... a vulnerability that isn't there when you hop right into "dating."

So... what are my date ideas?

1. Prepare a meal together. Tons of great conversation during the process... it's slightly time consuming... no distractions... you can concentrate on each getting to know each other and have a great meal... or at least a meal that you've prepared...

2. The museum. There are lots of different things to see/talk about. Whether you like art or not, it's a nice place to walk/talk... and... it's climate controlled!

3) Walmart. Yes, I said it... Walmart. Walmart is honestly a one stop shop place that has EVERYTHING. As you meander aimlessly through the store, you get can an understanding of everything from the types of foods that the other person likes to what kinds of pots/pans they have in their kitchen!

4. The bookstore. Even if the other person isn't an avid reader, there are a lot of interesting banners declaring the types of books in a section. If she sees "Self help" and picks up books on how to deal with depression... you know RIGHT AWAY.... just kidding. You can go to the travel section, look at parts of the world your interested in visiting... see what titles catch each others eye, look at magazines... a lot of good conversation starters.

5. Play tourist. Get out your digital camera... spend some time together deciding where you want to go locally. Decide where you want to take pictures. The fun of getting there, blocking the photo... the memories of the first outing...

Okay... that's my list of first dates... not bad for an amateur eh?

To all you Moms out there... Happy Mother's Day!!!

Hot Anger/Cold Anger

I was reading "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire and came across 2 paragraphs that made me think...

I'll share both with you, then my thought.

Tribal mothers always tell their children that there are tow kinds of anger: hot and cold. Boys and girl experience both, but as they grow up the angers separate according to the sex. Boy need hot anger to survive. They need the inclination to fight, the drive to sink the knife into the flesh, the energy and initiative of fury. It' a requirement of hunting, of defence, of pride. Maybe sex too."

"And girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the sidestepping of compromise. They need to know when they say something that they will never back down, ever ever. It's the compensation for a more limited scope in the world. Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust, you go on - or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the universe is changed, once again, for cold anger requires an eternal vigilance in all the matters of slight and offense"

My take aways? Guys generally deal with things and get over it. Women let it simmer. Hold a grudge.

I'm not sure if this is a sexist view of the world or if there is truth in it.

I do know that I dog eared the page and keep going back to it... looking for meaning and understanding.

Something's brewing...

Well now. I apologize for not being around. I've had some things brewing in my world.

Yep! Our hero has some things percolating in his personal life!!

I'm not ready to start discussing these things at length yet... but I see a definite up turn in my life after all the craziness that's been going on for the last few months.

I will catch you up on the REALLY important things that have been going on though.

I had my refrigerator repaired. After spending a couple days at my parents house I went home to find the cold side warm and the frozen side cool.

Not good. Soooo I threw away a lot of food... called the repair man. Need to get back home and check it out... make sure it was all done well.

Next, I took my lawn mower to the shop. 2 different sets of repairs and I'm going to have a working lawn mower again... WOO HOO!!!! Boy will my neighbors be happy.

My lawn is an overgrown mess at the moment too. I need to spend some time working on that too when I get back.

Sorry my life's been so boring lately.

Dad is doing well.

Mom is holding up as well.

I do have some things to talk about regarding that, but if I do, I may make it a private message and may only put it on my Multiply blog. We'll see...

Hope all is well with you!

Turning the tables

During my divorce I was accused of being way too nice.

One of my friends that told me this is now, herself, being too nice.

Last year she started dating this guy that since then has been proving to not be worth his weight in dog poo.

He has used her tooth brush, lied repetitively, ruined her furniture, spilled paint on her carpet, spit gum on her walls, and did I say used her tooth brush?

For some strange reason she moved him in to her place and he won't leave. Which is a great source of frustration for her.

Did I say he used her tooth brush. Regularly? And lied about using it? (That one still gets to me)

One of the things that impressed me about her was that she was always really good about expressing her feelings. But now, seams to have an inability. The up front nature that she had that I admired has mysteriously gone.

This got me thinking. When you care for someone, how hard is it to turn off the kindness.

I know for me it was shortly after I realized that my ex didn't want to treat things with the divorce in a fair and equitable way (Check the blog archives people... check the archives...)

Is there a reality check that must occur before you turn the tables or is it possible to consistently keep things in balance?

That's my hope. If/When I start dating again... keep things in balance.

A moment of joy...

So... I've been so wrapped up in what's been going on with Mom/Dad that I haven't taken much time to take time out for me.

So... on this shorter trip up here this week I decided to bring my motorcycle. Mine is the blue one behind this yellow monster of a ride.

The yellow "moto-trike" has a v8 engine in it and just looks super cool

One of the things that I'm trying to do on in the mornings is get out and ride. Nothing like feeling the nice cool air to wash your worries away.

That... and I've been doing some writing. Check out the song Topsy Turvey - I recorded it at my parents house on a Boss Micro-BR- a multi-track recorder that fits in the palm of your hand.

See... a ray of happiness!