Second test

Will this image show up?

Here is an interesting thought. I am left handed and it amazes me the number of things I do with my right hand.

If I enter text on a mobile device 9 times out of 10 I will use my right hand even though I am faster with my left hand and more accurate. It's just weird.

It may be because I am right hand dominant but left eye dominant and the left hand gets in the way visually?

These are the type things I think about in the middle of the night.

Mic check

 In an attempt to be more productive I have set up mobile blogging. I should
 be able to enter my thoughts from the road and email them directly to my
 blog.

 This post is to test out that feature.

 I love swype but really am thinking about getting a bluetooth keyboard. I
 think it would be easier to use, but I really don't want to carry another
 device.

 I did see a cool bluetooth solution but it ships from Hong Kong and I have
 reservations about sending them credit card information.

 Anyway, this is s test to see if this will really work.

It's 2:22 AM...

It's 2am. Most people are dreaming, and I'm up thinking of the future.

I'm not up because I'm worried about the future. I'm up because I naturally get about 5 hours of sleep and I managed to fall asleep at 9:15pm and this is the natural resource.

So... what's on my mind? A few things...

First, Lisa.

I tend to be a visionary that runs a mile a minute. The problem with most of the people that I've dated in the past was that they couldn't really keep up at the pace that I ran. Lisa does... and she takes things further... and she holds me accountable.

We were talking last night and I noticed that she was on the phone because I wanted to talk, she was kind of out of it. I let her go. She sent me a text that said she was sorry because she was tired. I told her it was cool... she said thanks for not being talkative. I told her it was okay. She's entitled to be tired... lol.

I'm thinking about selling the house... getting a job in a new city.

Cleaning the house...

Reading...

And... starting THE plan Monday.

2011 is going to be a bumper year!

Everything changes...

It's pretty amazing. When you meet the right person, everything snaps into sharp focus.

I remember writing about how I didn't quite fit in, and social anxiety, general unease in my own skin...

Then, you meet one person, and BANG... it all clicks into place.

I love this woman. We fit like 2 peas in a pod.

Christmas...

Christmas comes but once a year... thank goodness!

There are a lot of things that I really hate about this time of year... like the commercialization, the greed, the over indulgence. It really takes something that should be a beautiful time to think about others and turns it so... inward.

I was talking with this one person that bought over 250 presents for his grandchild.

That's not even practical!

Anyway, Christmas time has been hard for me over the past few years. It's been 5 years since we filed for divorce and 3 years of singleness. I've opted to spend almost every Christmas alone with the exception of the time when I was "dating" and the person that I was with didn't want to spend time with their family.

My choice to spend time away from my family is my choice. It's my time to center and figure out what adjustments need to be done in the new year. It's a completely different thing when you just don't think your family understands you... my family would really rather have me there.

Anyway...

This was a good Christmas.

Lisa was in NC and I was in Alabama... My sons came over for a while, and we had great fellowship together. Lisa and I had the chance to talk via skype, telephone, text... she said the sweetest thing...

"This is the last holiday I want to spend away from you... it felt like a part of me was missing..."

This is interesting.

I know... in the past I've talked a lot about running from women that weren't "complete" that needed me to "complete" them.

This is different. Lisa is a whole person. I am a whole person now due to all of the struggles that you can read about in my blog. We augment each other.

It's nice to not have to carry a relationship. It's good that there is balance.

Although we were miles apart, knowing that she was there made this one of my favorite Christmases ever.

Final 2011 Action Plan

For me, the object to creating a successful new years action plan is to make sure that you don't have too many, that they are all kind of related and that they all speak to a theme.

The final item that is on my list is to step out on faith and increase my giving to my local church this year.

It looks like my theme for this year is to increase my self discipline. Being more deliberate about the way I live my life....

This should be a GOOD year!

Third 2011 Action Plan

I have noticed in 2010 that when I actually take the time to plan out what I eat and shop at the beginning of the week my diet is cleaner and healthier.

When I don't plan, I end up trying to make decisions when I'm hungry and all I really want at that time is to satisfy my hunger. I usually eat more than I intended and less healthier as well.

I have got to do better in 2011 and build a better habit.

Second 2011 Action Plan

Time management... that's the second item that I have to gain control over in the new year...

In the post divorce world, I have allowed my time to become fluid. Since I didn't have to worry about getting the kids up for school, cooking dinner, being at activities for the boys and making sure that they were in bed on time I had a TON of free time on my hand.

I can't say that I used the free time very well.

I need to start scheduling my day... not in an overly rigid way.

To me, this ties in with self discipline...

I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this yet... but I have the next few weeks to work on it!

First 2011 resolut... I mean action plan...

I don't really make new years resolutions... I make actionable plans that I have really been good at following up on through the year.

2011 is no different.

So, my first 2011 action plan is to increase my self discipline.

I cut myself way too many breaks. I take things to near completion... I have lost this spirit of excellence that I once had.

I... have got to change that...

I have got to get back to the point where I once again strive and struggle to be the best... at the top... and not content to be at the upper middle of the pack.

So... my first goal... that I start on today... is... increase my self discipline.

This is different...

When I started this blog 5 years ago my world was in upheaval. I was working my way through the divorce... once that was done, gaining an understanding of what it meant to be single.

I struggled over relationships that I was in and decisions that I was trying to make... honestly, it gave me a lot of things to write about!

Now? Life is good. I've met this woman that I love, work is going well, my life is... settled.

It's a different feeling.

It's not an uneasy feeling, nor is there this feeling of complacency. I don't think I've earned the right to sit down on my laurels. It's just... peaceful.

I wrote a while ago about my desires for the new year... how I want to continue to grow.

Growth doesn't always have to be painful... so I'm anxious to see what I come up with...!

The re-cap

This weekend was really great. After 21 days of not seeing each other, it was really great to have Lisa in my arms again.

The weekend was good.

I can remember times where I was dating people and it was all about the make out sessions, there really wasn't any substance outside of the physical connection.

It wasn't so.

We slow danced, I gave her a mini concert, we hung out with friends of mine, we worshiped together, we had dinner with my pastor...

and we kissed... mmmmmmm.

Anyway, Lisa sat down with my pastor and me. Sometimes that can be intimidating. She handled it well.

I love this woman.

D-Day

It's been 21 days since I last saw Lisa. As I stated before, she felt led to go on a fast to make sure that we were on the right path. As I said before, I totally respect her for that.

Well... I see her today.

I see LISA today!!!

It's going to be so awesome to be able to hold her in my arms, kiss her lips...

It's going to be an fun.

I've invited friends over for a game night... so that should be fun! She'll have the opportunity to meet people that are in my world... that should be cool.

Tomorrow she's going to dinner with me and she's going to have dinner with my Pastor and his wife.

I love this woman... can't wait for the time when we will not just have day or weekend visits...

If you believe in God and pray... pray that I find a job in Atlanta - so we can be together soon. Thanks!

21 Days...

Almost 21 days ago I got a phone call from Lisa. She said she felt the need to go on a 21 day fast in order to spend some time praying about our relationship and seeking the face of God.

I was supportive. I think it's wrong for one person to stand in the face of another person, especially when it comes to matters of faith. I've broken up with people for the same reason.

It's been a good 21 days. We've talked on the phone, covered some really deep issues and interestingly enough have grown even closer.

This weekend I get to see her again! She's coming to visit... I'm way too excited about this!

I've planned some cool events so she can meet some friends of mine, so it's going to be good... very, very good...

WOO HOO!

who do you want to be?

Deep down inside, everyone has a vision of who they want to be.

I think it's time for me to spend some time thinking about who I want to be...

This is too easy...

Lisa and I send affirmations to each other. It keeps us on the same page. It sets a vision. It inspires.

This affirmation was shared today:

We have a consistent saying... "you make it easy."

It makes me smile when those words are uttered. It's an awesome thing to be in a relationship that is like-minded. But then... my mind drifted to our conversation last night when we were talking about X and her beau. You made the statement that "he may have gotten complacent with their current situation..."

Complacency can be a killer in a relationship. It's that point where self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies takes place. It's that point where people begin to take things for granted and as a result, treat things carelessly or casually.

My mind drifted to

Matthew 11:29-30 (New Living Translation)
29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and
gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke
is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

The yoke, is an instrument of burden. I actually looked this word up and found something interesting. A yoke is placed on TWO animals joining them together when they work together. (I think a lot of times when we read this, we think that it's solely our responsibility, but from the beginning - even before the indwelling of the Holy Spirit God helped us understand the partnership that he has with man to help us achieve what he has in store for us.)

In this process of yoking, he says... let me teach you. He's there to help us with the heavy lifting and doesn't try to move us too fast or on a terrain that we're not able to handle. Even though he is able to do it, his humbleness and gentleness abound. Our burden is light because of his heavy lifting.

I think what we have is easy not because we make it easy ourselves, but because each of us has determined that we aren't going to yoke together to try and make things work, but because we have yoked up with Jesus and we're both working n the same field... towards a common plan.

It's my sincere prayer that we continue to learn from God, keep humility and gentleness at the center of what we have, and not get complacent. The fact that we're yoked with Christ doesn't mean that we
don't do any work... it just means that it's appropriate work for where we are.

I love you because you're willing to chase God before chasing me!

I'm an addict...

I admit it... I love sugar.

If I'm going to binge eat, it's not going to be on anything other than SUGAR. Pound cake, candy bars, confection made from compressed sugar... the sweeter, the better.

When I eat sweets, it's not just one, it's a bag. It's not just one type... it's at least 3 different types in a single setting. 3,000 calories... and more grams of sugar than I'm willing to actually put down on paper out of sheer embarrassment.

So... now that I'm getting older and fat tends to settle around my mid section with so much ease these days, I've decided that I need to come off the sugar... cold turkey.

I really haven't had that bad of a physical withdrawal... yet. I am suffering from a headache tho.

The only other thing to note is that I'm thinking slightly more clearly.

Just 2 more days and then my 3 day detox from sugar will be complete!

Wish me luck.

A glimpse into my life...

I send daily affirmations to Lisa. I just wanted to share what it's like to be on the same page as someone that you truly care about. I am not trying to brag or say that I'm super-spiritual... I make mistakes on a regular basis... believe me.

----- (Edited from the original thought 000

But... in truth, I think everyone exists on 2 different levels, sometimes more.

In one part, there's the person that you are.

Another part is the you that you want to be.

It's the same way with Lisa. She's on a path of continuing improvement as well.

Part of the reason why we do the affirmation and talk about what we want and where we're going is all a part of "vision casting."

Vision casting is the process of talking about the future. What could be. How you want to shape it. It makes sure that people are who you want to be.

I do it all the time in my own life. It's nice to have someone that's willing to run the race with me.

Balance

Anyone that has followed my blog for a while knows that I'm a fan of this little thing called... balance. I have done at least 20 posts regarding my quest for a balanced life.

The truth is... balance is really easy to achieve when it's just you. But what happens when you really introduce someone else into your life?

Well, if they are not your equal, if you think you have to bring them up to your "level" or if you don't think you are on the same plane as them... there's unbalance.

I know that it sucks to be alone... but it also sucks to be heart broken.

I truly know that it's hard... but I encourage all of you who are reading my blog that are single to hold out until you find balance in your relationships!

Managing long distance relationships...

So... I'm in a long distance relationship with Lisa. This basically means that we see each other 1 or maybe 2 days a week a couple times a month.

The object is to not talk too much or too little, use technology for that visual element (skype), emails... it all has to be deliberate.

It's going well so far...

It's finally happened...

I admit it... I am the man that has always said that relationships were too serious to be glib or casual. I've always talked about my track shoes... you know, those things that I put on my feet to propel me to safety in the event that someone gets too close.

Things are going well with Lisa. I have decided to join the host of people that have gone before me and hang up my track shoes.

We have achieved... balance. We view our faith, family, relationships and problem resolution the same way... good communication skills and chemistry... it's darn near perfect. Why on earth would I mess this up looking for something better?

She allows me to transparently be me quirks and all... I offer her the same, and we actually have put it to the test.

It feels good to have found that place that makes me feel comfortable and like I'm at home...

Putting it all together...

A lot of times, when people think about relationships, they only think about how 2 puzzle pieces fit together... the two people who are in the relationship.

That's true... people fit together spiritually, emotionally, mentally, in chemistry...

But there's more to it than that... there are circumstances, situations, life, family, friends, trials, adversity, challenges, good times, happy memories, adventures... the list goes on...

All of those elements together make up the tapestry of a beautiful puzzle.

The problem with making a puzzle is... sometimes it gets too difficult to figure out where certain pieces go. As a result, some people get frustrated and walk away from the puzzle...

I think... the object is to find that person that not only fits together with you, but is interested in the picture that you're trying to make... that helps a lot.

Good and bad will happen. Hard and easy too... it's all a part of putting it all together.

Our 1st Thanksgiving...

Lisa collected her 2 teenage daughters and pre-teen son in her van and drove 3 1/2 hours to my house...

All things being equal, it was a very good day.

My kids liked her kids... my kids like her.

Her kids dig me... she likes my kids...

I have always believed that relationships are built over the dinner table, which is why there has never been a TV in my kitchen...

Over dinner we did "guided communication." The following questions were asked of all the kids...

1. What's going on in your world?
2. What's your favorite memory of your parent (the one present at the table).
3. Ask your parent any question.
4. Ask your parent's "date" any question.

My favorite question came from Lisa's oldest daughter - "What do you like about my Mom?"

When it was all done, the kids stayed at the table and talked among themselves for a while... overall, it was really good. I think we're growing closer together, and I really like this.

I am going to marry her one day...

Rain...

This morning I was thinking about water... particularly standing in the rain. There are times when I actually love standing in the rain. It's refreshing... getting drenched... feeling the coolness wash over my body... feeling each drop as it hits my skin.

Then there are times when it rains and I couldn't be more annoyed. It impacts the joy that I want to have at that particular moment. I don't want to get out in it. I would rather just curl up and sleep (yeah... me, sleep...)

Either way, whether I am enjoying the rain or not, it serves a purpose. It brings life. It waters the trees, grass, flowers.

That's kind of the way that it is with Gods Word. It brings life... it's designed to bring us closer to God. The question is... how do we feel when we hear it? Do we embrace its refreshing goodness or do we get annoyed by it because it makes our life harder at the moment?

I guess it's all in the attitude.

Focus....

At the moment, my life is being thrown into sharp focus. I am beginning to see things clearly. Dreams have been re-awakened. I'm actually content and happy.

Work... on the other hand... is blah.

I generally enjoy what I do, but now I'm in an uninspired place. I'm not sure what's up with that.

It could be that the 2 co-workers that I'm working with have drained the life out of me. It could be because the project is slightly doomed. It could be that there's so much to do and I am not directly in control of it.

I don't know... I am just freakin' uninspired at the moment.

Maybe it's because I need talk radio... listening to people talk usually helps me out... a lot.

Finishing touches...

They say the devil is in the details. The one thing that I am not good at is getting buried in the details.

I... am an idea guy.

The one thing that I know about my current line of work is that if I am going to continue to go on the growth track, I need to learn how to focus on the details.

Previously, I've always had the option of writing 80% of a paper... doing the heavy lifting then tossing it over the wall so that people can polish it. I'm now at a place where I have to work on taking the painstaking time to put the final touches on things and make sure that it all makes sense.

It's hard.

It's a change in thinking.

But in my quest for self-improvement, this is the next big area I have to tackle...

Oi.

Ain't nothin' like the real thing, baby...

Okay... this is the last syrupy post that I'm going to make...

To me, it's amazing to meet someone that I can talk with on a human level.

We talk openly about our faith, fears, joys, finances, the future...

Although I know in my heart that I am going to marry her, we can talk about the future, but not be obsessed by it.

It's refreshing...

There's such a difference between being in something for the sake of comfort vs. having something real.

So.. this is an encouragement, I guess. To all the people out there that have these high expectations, but have settled in the past... stop... stick to your guns... find health and live in it!

THAT couple...

Have you ever been out in public and seen "that" couple? You know the one that I'm talking about... they are in this sugary kind of love where they look into each others eyes and it to them, it looks like no one else is there.

There was a time that I would look at couples like that with a little disdain.

Then... I started paying closer attention, and noticed something...

Every once in a while, you encounter these couples that actually like each other.

You see this joy that they have when they're together.

That... is what I have always wanted to have.

Honestly... Lisa and I were joking around... "we... have become that couple..."

Meet the family...

So... I met Lisa's kids this past weekend. Not all of them... just 2 of them, the third was away at college.

Under ordinary circumstances, you would expect everyone to be dressed in their best clothes... but no... that's not how it was.

Lisa was definitely running behind schedule. She has a thousand things still to do when I got there. Her first words to me were...

"This is my life... still interested?"

I laughed, primarily because it was real.

I like real.

The tables will be turned soon. She'll come to my world with her family and have the chance to meet my kids.

It's cool when you can meet someone and not have to worry about pretending to be perfect.

Kissing is good

First... the dance recital went well... and the meeting of her kids went well.

I'm in.

Now... problem.

Kissing is good.

But... kissing can and does lead to other things.

And... the other things have a chance to really destroy a relationship, especially if you're dating someone who was married for 20 years... has only been with their husband during that time... well, crossing certain lines can cause an internal conflict and struggling.

So... the object is to keep kissing... just kissing...

Worlds collide...

So... tomorrow night... or maybe I should say later on tonight I am suppose to meet Lisa's children.

It's 1:15am..., well... 1:16am now and I can't sleep.

It's not because I'm nervous or anxious. I took a LONG nap earlier and if you're a notorious under sleeper like I am, it makes for a LONG night.

Anyway... back to the important stuff...

Lisa and I have been dating for a month now. We're doing well... I see her once a week for a few hours. This is going to be the first "multiple day" event. We'll be spending time together on Friday and Saturday.

Meeting her family is big. This is the first time that I've dated someone that I've actually wanted to do life with. The next big event is going to be Thanksgiving when both of our families meet - my 3 children and hers...

It's pretty cool... for the first time, I'm not really wrestling with anything. It's like all the lessons that I've learned over time and the things that I've fought over are clicking. It feels good.

Love is...

Love is friendship caught on fire - Bruce Lee

Love hurts...

I have heard it before... Love Hurts.

I am not sure that I actually believe this. I have met some people that are in co-dependent relationships where love hurts... but really, love doesn't hurt.

Love can be tough, but even in the toughness it doesn't leave you beaten up or worn.

I remember when Dad was ill and Mom was having to deal with changes in a man that had literally been a rock for years... to see him in moments of weakness and in fear.

It might have been frightening, a little unnerving, but not painful.

That's the thing about healthy relationships. They have a way of making you stronger in the good times and help define your character and resolve in the tough times.

I think that's why it bothers me when I see people that are in one sided relationships... they express their love to the other person who treats it with such a cavalier attitude that the person that is trying to express their feelings changes... for the worse. They begin to doubt themselves, second guess themselves and really begin to question their own self worth.

Yeah... love doesn't work that way. Real love has a way of helping you find your strength.

What happened to intimacy?

Somewhere along the way, people confused sex with intimacy. Intimacy is a lot more about emotional nakedness than the physical act.

I was in a very public place Saturday with Lisa - we were sitting at a table talking when I decided to take a brief moment to be emotionally transparent. I was talking with her about the death of my Dad and in the middle of the plaza, I started to cry.

Yes... I said it... I cried.

Anyway, she scooted her chair close to mine, put her arm around me and said... "It's okay... no one is paying attention..."

It was sweet.

It's really good.

Being in a relationship where there can be emotional transparency it's a good thing. A very good thing...

Power...

I have always had this idea that my life would have an evangelistic element to it. That I would be out somewhere and organically a conversation would start and the other person and I would start talking about God.

Not in the - if you don't believe, you're going straight to hell - kind of way, but in this way that would transform their life into a life where they understand the peace of God and not the tradition of men.

When Lisa (formerly known as New Chi Chi) and I go out together, I randomly start conversations with people... we kind of connect for that moment, then we wander off and continue our day.

In our conversation yesterday Lisa started talking about how she could see that element in my life - without telling her about my hopes and dreams she saw it. She spoke life into that dream of mine that had been forgotten years ago.

After our conversation we took the opportunity to pray. It's a powerful thing when someone sincerely prays for you from the depths of their heart...

I am excited about what is coming next...

You're Fired

I have never really watched The Apprentice, but we're all familiar with "The Donald" saying "You're Fired."

I've been silently firing "friends" all morning.

For those of you that have been reading my blog for a long time, you know that I am dedicated to the management of my own life.

I don't know, it could be because I'm a control freak and the one thing that I know is that I can control my own life...

Anyway, I'm 41 years old... at this stage in life, I have a lot of control over who I interact with. It's time I start exercising some of that control.

I'm not here to air anyones dirty laundry... just making a statement.

More to follow.

Accountability

Accountability for me begins with me.

In order for there to be accountability there has to be a way to track the changes and a way to tack changes and to measure those changes that have been made.

That's why I blog. It keeps me accountable to me.

I try to write about things that are honest and true, it chronicles my growth as a person in hopes that I don't make the same mistakes over and over again.

I have to admit, even though I do blog, and even though I am honest, there are some actions that I choose to leave out of my blog. In retrospect, those are some of the areas that I have honestly gone back and made the same mistake again. Although there's a level of anonymity with this, it is the web and things can be found... if you really try hard... I mean, really... I leave clues everywhere even in the name of the blog, right?

I'm not saying that I do things that are illegal or immoral, it's just bad decisions.

Anyway, I realized yesterday that I need to start divorcing some friends of mine. They aren't healthy at all. As long as I continue to have them in my life, I will continue to be effected by their inability to grow.

I'll have to blog about that...next.

Long distance dating

One of the things that I think may have been a detriment to relationships that I've been in has been spending too much time together.

In modern dating there is this sense that you need to spend as much time together as possible. It's as if an insecurity exists if you aren't at each others house daily...

Evenings together turn into nights together turn into living together within weeks!

That's way too fast.

Chinks in the armor that would be acceptable if you had a normal life... and independent life become exposed due to over exposure.

That is one of the reasons that I think there's good that Lisa is in Atlanta and I am here. There's distance. Instead of doing long protracted conversations for hours upon hours, we talk... naturally. If the conversation is going well, we let it flow longer. It's never forced... it's never contrived.

So... she's there, I'm here... we're building this naturally... I miss her... can't wait to see her again.

Time...

One of the great things about being single is the whole concept that my time is MY time. There are no people that have a claim on it. I can wake up when I want to, be in the office when I want to be (within a few hours either way, as long as my work gets done), I eat when I'm hungry...

It's nice to have that kind of freedom.

What I've been feeling lately is the necessity to get control of my time. Apply discipline.

There are things that I need to do...

• study for certifications
• Bible study
• prayer
• exercise
• play guitar

Blah blah blah... the list goes on and on and on...

It's going to be hard...

A poem...

I wanted to write a poem to tell you how I feel...

Emotions, you can't see them - but they're truly real.

Although they don't have a color - like red or green or blue,

Each unique emotion has it's own particular hue.

So when I see the lines drawn by life's twists and turns

And carefully choose a color to show the beauty of patterns

For you? I color love, caring and devotion

Burnt orange for you, purple for me swirling like water in an ocean.

And I really dig what you bring to the mix

The way you laugh and touch my hand... it's real, there are no tricks,

So let's work together to properly fill our canvas

I'm looking forward to the process... even in the blandness,

Good times, happy times, sad times too

I'm just glad I'm doing it with you.

- An original... by me.

I was right!!!

I have broken up with people in the past over things that most would say are silly little things. I've always disagreed and held on to my vision. I was reading an article bu Dr. Terri Orbuch, aka "The Love Doctor." She is a professor, relationship therapist and author and wrote an article called

4 Relationship Myths That Almost Everyone Perpetuates

Here they are:

1) Myth: Opposites attract and are more likely to stay interesting to one another over the long haul.

Fact: My research and that of others show that similarities are what actually keep people together for the long term and lead to the most successful, happy relationships. In my study, happy couples might have very different tastes in music, different social backgrounds, or even different religious, but the key aspect they shared was similar basic life values. This is the similarity that counts.

The take-away: If you want to find someone to grow old with, look for someone who has values that are compatible with yours.

In my life: There are many people I could have been happy with, but I couldn't compromise on the basic life values. I have had to learn to accept the fact that people are people and unless theres a real epipany, life approach does not change. Myth... confirmed!

2) Myth: A perfect relationship means no conflict.

Fact: A lack of conflict in a relationship signals that you may not be dealing with issues that really matter. In a surprising finding from my long-term study of marriage, the couples who reported no tensions or differences about money, family, spouse's family, leisure time, religious beliefs, or children were not very happy over time.

The take away: Don't shy away from difficult conversations. Learning how to disagree in a healthy, productive manner is a key component of happy relationships.

In my life: There was a lack of conflict in my marriage I believe it was because neither of us cared really... if there were conflict and passion, I think we would have truly lasted a lifetime. Myth confirmed!

3) Myth: Having separate lives keeps couples together long term.

Fact: Interdependence -- social, emotional, and financial -- is what creates the incentive for couples to stay together. It's also important to be independent, to have your own interests, activities, and friends. This adds excitement and freshness to relationships. But couples who live parallel lives and don't invite their spouse into their world on a regular basis tend to grow apart and be unhappy over the long term.

The take-away: Couples who work on acquiring common interests as the years go by are much happier than those in which each partner gets increasingly involved in a separate set of activities.

In my life: I always believed in having friends, hobbies, etc. If the other person doesn't know what they like to do, then they will become insecure and jealous of the time you spend away. Abscence makes the heart grow fonder. Making new experiences allows for new conversations too! Myth... confirmed!

4) Myth: To be happy, you need to talk about relationship challenges and problems often.

Fact: In order for intimacy to occur in a relationship, both partners need to share and disclose concerns from time to time. But be careful about how much time you spend on conscious relationship maintenance, because men and women have very different tolerances for "relationship talk." Women, as a rule, have a positive association with relationship talk; it makes them feel connected and happy. Men, on the other hand, do not enjoy relationship talk; it makes them feel blamed, worried, and distressed.

The take-away: Women, carefully pick those moments when you feel it's necessary to talk about your relationship feelings. Men, realize that her need to clarify and check in feels reassuring to her, even if it doesn't to you.

In my life: I believe this to be true. Good relationships don't happen accidently. They are built one conversation at a time. Myth... Confirmed!

Test taking...

So... I have actually given myself the goal of getting 3 certifications this year to help solidify myself in my career. I guess all the work I've done over the years and all the projects I've successfully implemented mean nothing... I have to get 3rd party validation.

Cool.

I actually started studying for the first test about a month ago and really haven't stuck with the study plan.

I need to buckle down and do it. So... right here in my blog, I'm holding myself accountable to testing for Security+ by the mid-January.

This is an aggressive timeline, but I'm leading a Project Management study group in January so I can get my PMP.

Wow.

I have been really lax with how I've been spending my time as a single guy... so, it's time to prepare. I guess this time management is going to be necessary for the next phase of my life!

PhotoShopped Relationships

NOTE: I find both the before and after pictures to be beautiful. This is not a post about being overweight...

PhotoShop is BIG these days. This tool can make pictures perfect. They use it on the most beautiful models to make them "more perfect."

I think a lot of times we have a tendency to take this same approach in the relationships that we enter.

We see a close approximation of what we're looking for, then we start trying to make these little edits. "If they worked out more, ate healthier, dressed slightly differently..."

We even edit ourselves, putting out best foot forward.

Then... the illusion doesn't hold up, and real people are resistant to being changed by others.

It's pretty cool to be dating someone where I don't have to worry about the edits.

This is both good and healthy...

What's missing???

So... what do you think when you see this glove?

Do you get the feeling that there is something missing? 2 fingers are missing altogether and 2 are partials... the palm is gone... it doesn't offer protection or warmth.

I'm sure it's functional... for someone, just not for me.

So, the question is, why am I talking about gloves???

Because it's a metaphor for what I'm feeling today.

Finding the right person to date is a lot like finding the right glove.

It has to feel right... naturally.

I think a lot of times people think they need a glove, so they grab something - a mitten, it doesn't really matter... it might not be functional but they want something... anything.

I always promised myself not to compromise.

This is just a reminder...

Nothing to fear but...

Eharmony guided communication has a question:

"What do you fear most about marriage?"

I always answer the question the same way. I don't have any fears about marriage, I have a healthy view of them.

What I fear most is being in a bad relationship, and I would never be in a bad relationship because I bail out too soon.

So... now I'm putting this theory to the test.

All past relationships have failed in a few areas:

1) They didn't respect my relationship with God and pull me in a direction closer to him. They wanted to establish a position in my life where they were more important than my faith in God.

2) There was some sort of communication break down.

3) They came into the relationship knowing who I was, conformed to my world view, then changed the rules and wanted ME to become them... (which usually involved drinking and clubbing - which if you really know me... would never ever happen)

Anyway, I'm seeing this woman, New Chi Chi.

New Chi Chi listens to what I have to say. She asks questions. She communicates, She's a woman of faith. She gets it.

I don't think she's going to change.

But we do get to test the theory... am I afraid of relationships??? or just bad relationships...

And 2 become one...

Most of my closest friends think I'm a serial dater.

Just because I date someone for 3 months, then call things off doesn't mean I'm a serial dater... it means I recognize a bad situation and know how to walk away before becoming too invested.

I met this woman the other week that is not giving me any of my ordinary excuses. Here's her highlight real:

• She was married for over 20 years, she's a widow. She knows how relationships work and how to be in there cooperatively for the long run.
• She has a faith in God that impacts her life - not sharing faith is the #1 reason for all of my break ups
• She's confident in who she is. She knows who she is and is capable of communicating freely.

It's liberating. We talk about our pasts, and I speek very openly and honestly and she allows that. It's nice.

I'm going to be working through this and things in my own life over the next few weeks... so get use to seeing me around.

Set them up...

Set them up... knock them down...

Things are beginning to make sense. A little.

God and I are on speaking terms again.

I'm in the gym on a regular basis.

I iron my clothes in the evening instead of in the morning.

I'm not saying it's good... but it's making sense.

So, what am I blogging about?

Decisions.

In my life, there are always 2 decisions... a good one and a bad one. They usually show themselves at the same time.

I have a track record of always making the wrong decision. It's what I do.

This time, I'm carefully placing the dominoes. I plan on waiting until the end to knock them down instead of taking the shortcut. This time it's about patience... making the tough decisions... sticking with them.

More to come.

Dear God...

I was thinking about my relationship with God and noticed something... disturbing.

There was a time in my life when God was an essential part. I went to church, I prayed, I read my Bible. When times were good... I would drift away. Then at the first part of hard times I would come running back with a little more energy.

Then... there was this subtle shift.

I stopped turning back to God.

I would think about him during the good times, but when the bad times or the tough times came I began to increasingly try to figure things out on my own. Sometimes, I would intentionally run in the opposite direction. I wanted anything in the HERE and NOW that would make me forget my problems if only for a moment.

I think that's what I've been struggling with for the last few months. My life has been relatively good with no stress or struggles - but it's been kind of empty.

I miss God.

Taking out the trash...

There are times in my life where I take physical action that is also symbolic in nature.

Right now, I'm in the process of throwing away A LOT of stuff at my house that has accumulated over the years. If it hasn't been used, it needs to be tossed, recycled or free cycled.

I've been holding on to useless things for far too long.

So, what is that symbolic of?

I don't know, maybe I'm holding on to things that I should let go. Maybe I can't really move on until I've dealt with the junk in my life that's really been dragging me down.

Oh well... back to it!

Enjoy your Saturday... I'm going to be cleaning out my closets!

Pin point laser accuracy...

I lost focus.

I've always tried to make my blog about my life and my struggles, and lately it's been about Chi Chi.

She has thrown me so off balance trying to bring her back into balance that it has become overwhelmingly obvious that I have lost focus on the most important thing... me.

(Okay... there were elements of humor in that, trust me.)

It's been stressful.

At the beginning of the year I decided that I wanted to get under 200 pounds. I had initially started my journey at around 280, I've been as low as 210, but I was about 237 pounds at the beginning of the year.

I posted on Facebook, with pictures of my in a tight white under armor shirt showing every fat roll, and I worked ... and worked... and worked until I was at 210.

All this stress has caused me to go back up to 220. I lost my momentum.

Oh... it doesn't stop there... There are a few other areas in which I've got to step up my "A" game as well.

So... this is where it starts.

All over again...

I'm taking the reigns of my life...

setting goals...

with pin point laser accuracy!

Dear Jane...

So... I did the break up with Chi Chi via e-mail.

Zero points for style. I just kind of went along with my life until she bothered to check her e-mail and see it.

Zero points for style.

Anyway, we ended up having a discussion post break up. She wanted to know "why... why... I love... I want us to work!"

Of course, my answer was - we can't work if you don't work. If you don't know who you are... and you're searching for you, how can there be a we? There is a me and there is you trying to be what you think I want you to be because you're lost.

It was a hard conversation to have.

I think I stick to my guns tho...

But she's still clinging on...

I must be strong...

So much of this takes me down the same path as my ex-wife. Can't... won't do that again...

2 things I hate...

I write things here for a purpose. It allows me to capture the decisions that I've made over the course of my life and attempt to not make the same mistakes over and over again.

I went back and read everything that I've written about Chi Chi in the last 3 months and I have to ask myself - "why am I still with her?"

I have found myself in a... relationship. The man that has always believed that relationships are bad, and it's not about being IN a relationship. The man that believes that it's all about relating to the other person... that guy.. the one I see when I look in the mirror... has found himself...

in a bad relationship.

The sad thing is, I'm too complacent to do anything about it.

Mother of all that is frustrating!

I have to end this.

Soon.