Sunday, October 31, 2010

PhotoShopped Relationships

NOTE: I find both the before and after pictures to be beautiful. This is not a post about being overweight...

PhotoShop is BIG these days. This tool can make pictures perfect. They use it on the most beautiful models to make them "more perfect."

I think a lot of times we have a tendency to take this same approach in the relationships that we enter.

We see a close approximation of what we're looking for, then we start trying to make these little edits. "If they worked out more, ate healthier, dressed slightly differently..."

We even edit ourselves, putting out best foot forward.

Then... the illusion doesn't hold up, and real people are resistant to being changed by others.

It's pretty cool to be dating someone where I don't have to worry about the edits.

This is both good and healthy...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

What's missing???

So... what do you think when you see this glove?

Do you get the feeling that there is something missing? 2 fingers are missing altogether and 2 are partials... the palm is gone... it doesn't offer protection or warmth.

I'm sure it's functional... for someone, just not for me.

So, the question is, why am I talking about gloves???

Because it's a metaphor for what I'm feeling today.

Finding the right person to date is a lot like finding the right glove.

It has to feel right... naturally.

I think a lot of times people think they need a glove, so they grab something - a mitten, it doesn't really matter... it might not be functional but they want something... anything.

I always promised myself not to compromise.

This is just a reminder...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Nothing to fear but...


Eharmony guided communication has a question:

"What do you fear most about marriage?"

I always answer the question the same way. I don't have any fears about marriage, I have a healthy view of them.

What I fear most is being in a bad relationship, and I would never be in a bad relationship because I bail out too soon.

So... now I'm putting this theory to the test.

All past relationships have failed in a few areas:

1) They didn't respect my relationship with God and pull me in a direction closer to him. They wanted to establish a position in my life where they were more important than my faith in God.

2) There was some sort of communication break down.

3) They came into the relationship knowing who I was, conformed to my world view, then changed the rules and wanted ME to become them... (which usually involved drinking and clubbing - which if you really know me... would never ever happen)

Anyway, I'm seeing this woman, New Chi Chi.

New Chi Chi listens to what I have to say. She asks questions. She communicates, She's a woman of faith. She gets it.

I don't think she's going to change.

But we do get to test the theory... am I afraid of relationships??? or just bad relationships...



Monday, October 25, 2010

And 2 become one...



Most of my closest friends think I'm a serial dater.

Just because I date someone for 3 months, then call things off doesn't mean I'm a serial dater... it means I recognize a bad situation and know how to walk away before becoming too invested.

I met this woman the other week that is not giving me any of my ordinary excuses. Here's her highlight real:


  • She was married for over 20 years, she's a widow. She knows how relationships work and how to be in there cooperatively for the long run.
  • She has a faith in God that impacts her life - not sharing faith is the #1 reason for all of my break ups
  • She's confident in who she is. She knows who she is and is capable of communicating freely.

It's liberating. We talk about our pasts, and I speek very openly and honestly and she allows that. It's nice.

I'm going to be working through this and things in my own life over the next few weeks... so get use to seeing me around.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Set them up...

Set them up... knock them down...

Things are beginning to make sense. A little.

God and I are on speaking terms again.
I'm in the gym on a regular basis.
I iron my clothes in the evening instead of in the morning.

I'm not saying it's good... but it's making sense.

So, what am I blogging about?

Decisions.

In my life, there are always 2 decisions... a good one and a bad one. They usually show themselves at the same time.

I have a track record of always making the wrong decision. It's what I do.

This time, I'm carefully placing the dominoes. I plan on waiting until the end to knock them down instead of taking the shortcut. This time it's about patience... making the tough decisions... sticking with them.

More to come.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Dear God...

I was thinking about my relationship with God and noticed something... disturbing.

There was a time in my life when God was an essential part. I went to church, I prayed, I read my Bible. When times were good... I would drift away. Then at the first part of hard times I would come running back with a little more energy.

Then... there was this subtle shift.

I stopped turning back to God.

I would think about him during the good times, but when the bad times or the tough times came I began to increasingly try to figure things out on my own. Sometimes, I would intentionally run in the opposite direction. I wanted anything in the HERE and NOW that would make me forget my problems if only for a moment.

I think that's what I've been struggling with for the last few months. My life has been relatively good with no stress or struggles - but it's been kind of empty.

I miss God.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Taking out the trash...


There are times in my life where I take physical action that is also symbolic in nature.

Right now, I'm in the process of throwing away A LOT of stuff at my house that has accumulated over the years. If it hasn't been used, it needs to be tossed, recycled or free cycled.

I've been holding on to useless things for far too long.

So, what is that symbolic of?

I don't know, maybe I'm holding on to things that I should let go. Maybe I can't really move on until I've dealt with the junk in my life that's really been dragging me down.

Oh well... back to it!

Enjoy your Saturday... I'm going to be cleaning out my closets!

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Pin point laser accuracy...

I lost focus.

I've always tried to make my blog about my life and my struggles, and lately it's been about Chi Chi.

She has thrown me so off balance trying to bring her back into balance that it has become overwhelmingly obvious that I have lost focus on the most important thing... me.

(Okay... there were elements of humor in that, trust me.)

It's been stressful.

At the beginning of the year I decided that I wanted to get under 200 pounds. I had initially started my journey at around 280, I've been as low as 210, but I was about 237 pounds at the beginning of the year.

I posted on Facebook, with pictures of my in a tight white under armor shirt showing every fat roll, and I worked ... and worked... and worked until I was at 210.

All this stress has caused me to go back up to 220. I lost my momentum.

Oh... it doesn't stop there... There are a few other areas in which I've got to step up my "A" game as well.

So... this is where it starts.

All over again...

I'm taking the reigns of my life...

setting goals...

with pin point laser accuracy!

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Dear Jane...

So... I did the break up with Chi Chi via e-mail.

Zero points for style. I just kind of went along with my life until she bothered to check her e-mail and see it.

Zero points for style.

Anyway, we ended up having a discussion post break up. She wanted to know "why... why... I love... I want us to work!"

Of course, my answer was - we can't work if you don't work. If you don't know who you are... and you're searching for you, how can there be a we? There is a me and there is you trying to be what you think I want you to be because you're lost.

It was a hard conversation to have.

I think I stick to my guns tho...

But she's still clinging on...

I must be strong...

So much of this takes me down the same path as my ex-wife. Can't... won't do that again...