Family Dynamics

Part I

Family dynamics are an interesting thing. For me, it's all about managing my family. I have to be careful about the information that I give them, when I give it to them, and how I give it to them. The rationale behind this lies in the fact that any information that I give them will eventually be turned to gossip and information that they don't have will be filled in with their own imagination.

I am beginning to understand who I can share information with and who I can't.

I do it by leaking certain pieces of information, and watching it get spread throughout the family.

The whole thing would be different if they could talk like adults... but they don't. They use subtle manipulation, guilt, and any other means that they can use with the exception of the being direct and adult. They don't talk like grown people do... which makes it hard to talk with them on a peer to peer level.

Each of them has a weird twisted "thing" in their head that they think lends additional weight to their opinion...

"I'm your Mother...", or "I'm your older brother..."

It's just weird.

Part II

I had the opportunity to meet L's Mom this weekend. L has a very matriarchal extended family. Her mother rules with fear and a heavy hand. Everyone trembles and shakes at the power of her voice because no-one... NO ONE ever can escape her will. She always gets her way.

It was a very long weekend. The first morning we were together, we were the proud recipients of no less than 5 hours of marital counseling in 2 1/2 hour segments. I think over the course of the weekend we were talked at for at least 10 hours.

I listened with a fair amount with great respect. And then it happened.

I had to show her my backbone.

I told her to put her cards on the table. That we would discuss her concerns one by one...

We did, respectfully.

L says I earned her respect that day.

I love L. She's my boo...