I admit it... I'm introspective. And I never lie to myself. I am insatiable and I will always... always dig down to the truth - no matter how painful it is.
I had yet and still another revelation this morning while doing my morning workout.
Are you ready? Are you sitting down?
My marriage never stood a chance. And I think I may have been the root cause.
Okay... here's the back story...
Take one person (me) that has never managed to figure out how to fit into the world.
Take one person (my ex) that appears to be likeable by the world, but is ultimately insecure.
Put these 2 people together and it's a recipe for disaster.
I made no qualms about it, I really didn't feel like I fit in at all - even in the marriage... a place where I should have ultimately felt safe, I didn't. I couldn't quite figure out how to relate. Neither of us could relate, no relationship, disaster.
I think that's part of the reason that I now obsess on building relationships now.
The difference now is I recognize these things. I can articulate these things... Should I choose to get into another relationship, we can at least discuss these things from the beginning. Definitely a better chance for success.
It's just a shame that it took this long to get to this point on my journey to sanity.
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