There's nothing to fear....

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

This... is how I was feeling about this upcoming weekend earlier this week.

Every woman is looking for a prince. A good part of me wants to be a prince. But I know who I am... warts and all.

The question is... will I be acceptable to her? I've been honest about who I am - she's seen who I am as honestly as I've ever shown it... and she likes me.

So, what's there to fear?

So, I have decided that I am a great guy... and if I'm a frog... then I'm a frog.

Best case scenario, we decide to advance things. Worse case scenario.. we're friends. So there is nothing to fear.

Who holds the keys to my heart?

Who holds the keys to my heart?

I DO!

And I have also realized that I have a death grip on these keys.

I mean... I have met people that love me unconditionally.

I have met people that sync up with my dating philosophical approach to relationships.

I am "negotiating" with someone that matches my personality - she really matches my super secret check list that I keep close to my heart that I never discuss with anyone.

I have a death grip on the keys.

As my meeting with Abby gets closer, she's losing my attention.

Well, not losing my attention - because I find her most interesting, but my defense mechanisms are are going to DefCon 1.

At DefCon 1... I begin the process of pushing away... building walls... preparing for things to be at arms length.

The good thing is that I recognize this... and I'm struggling against it - because I really like her.

I'm probably going to blog about this a lot this week... I have to work through this.

Please be a real girl...

To catch you all up... here's what's been going on in my world...

After my 7 month sabbatical I am working again. I am working for an exceptional company - one of the largest consulting firms. I work with a lot of great people and I'm looking forward to to growing in the firm.

After the mis-steps with T-Day and Jenny, I think I have learned from my mistakes and I've changed my approach.

With Tammy, it honestly wasn't so much about Tammy. It was more about the fact that we clicked philosophically. It didn't take into account chemistry or her s a person - it was more about does she fit into my blueprint.

With Jenny, I honestly was overwhelmed with her beauty and never really felt like I was worthy of her attention and as a result never really was able to comfortably be me. I made a lot of mistakes and she called me on them and I took the lessons and learned from them.

I think both of those represented an extreme in one direction or the other.

Lately, I have been spending time with Abby.

Abby is... interesting to me. We really just talk about our life. What's going on in our world. We're learning each other naturally and comfortably instead of trying to force it because we are trying to get into a relationship.

In the past, I have been told that my standards and expectations are WAY too high and that I'll never find anyone that will live up to them. Oddly, people have said the same thing to Abby.

Anyway, we are going to meet for the first time next weekend.

All I can say is that I hope she turns out to be a real girl...

It... is... finished.

My little experiment on the dating sight has ended.

I learned a few things...

People are shallow. Although they say they are interested in the qualities of the person, they really are more interested in the package.

The people who are really honest about the "package" they are interested in are willing to talk with anyone as long as they are respectful, where as those who don't list preferences like skin color, height, physical fitness - tend to pretend that they are interested... but really aren't.

I have learned that not everyone really knows who they are and that although no one wants to settle, many people are willing to if they find you attractive.

Finally? Too many people are sure that they will be happy if they find the right person. Boy are they in for a rude awakening.

So... lessons learned:

None... but I guess I needed the reminder.

Oh no.... it's a moral conundrum

I am conducting a social experiment of sorts.

For all intents and purposes, I am very euro centric for a black guy. I was born in Europe and started my formal education in Europe as well.

I prefer to date interracially; however, the type of woman that I am interested in is rarely interested in me.

Or rather... would they be interested in me if I were a different race?

In a highly unethical move I joined a dating site and created to identical profiles. The exception is that one participant is white, the other is black.

I approach the same people the same way on separate days. I initiate the same conversation the same way, make the same jokes (it amazes me that people don't realize this). The differences are amazing. The "white" me gets phone numbers within the first 10 minutes.

I understand that people are looking for aesthetics, what they're attracted to. I'm honestly no different - but I can also recognize a good person and I'm willing to spend time with and go out with someone that I like as a person.

What I find slightly hypocritical is when people say they are interested in a genuine qualities. they don't just want the qualities.. they want a package.

If that's what you want... say it... but don't lie.

Okay... I'm off my soapbox...

For tonight.

Women... pay close attention...

Over the past few weeks I have talked with women friends of mine that complain about men... they complain that in relationships/courtship the role of men and women have changed. The say all the men that they meet have their manties in a bunch.

NEWSFLASH - Women, this role reversal is completely your fault!

You say that you want a guy to take control and drive the relationship, but the truth is you punish and reward in order to keep your control over the interaction. If you choose to reply... if you choose not to reply... if you delay your reply... all of these things will put men on pins and needles trying to understand you.

You want to be chased, but offer no reward. Your interaction tends to be arbitrary at best.

Please understand, I am not angry or upset... I am simply telling you what I have witnessed in my own life and in the life of my women friends. So, I'm wrestling control back. I am doing my part.

As a man, I am declaring now - I am done chasing. I am the one that should be pursued. Not the one that should be in pursuit.

I know I am a great guy, I don't have to prove it to you. You can be doomed to a solitary life where you consistently chase the same thing over and over again. I... deserve better.

I am a mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....

I am a man... and not a piece of meat.

One of the things that amazes me about the way people treat dating today is that everyone looks at everyone like they are a piece of meat.

I tend to stay away from dating sites because you have this tiny little picture and a blurb about who you are as a person and someone who cannot grammatically put a sentence together passes judgement on you as to whether or not you are worthy to be in there life.

Great.

Don't get me wrong. I am as much into aesthetics as the next person, but I am equally as likely to approach someone that carries themselves well as I am to the traditional barbie doll that everyone is looking for - but there honestly has to be something that exists under the surface.

So, although I frequently feel like The Hunchback of Notre Dame looking at the beautiful Esmerelda screaming - "I am a man!!!!" I am still willing to stick by my original plan... I look in the mirror daily and speak the affirmation to myself.

Speaking of affirmations, I have a friend that has a letter to herself on the mirror in her bathroom and affirmations to remind her not to settle.

Maybe I need to take a page from her playbook...