Same shirt

 Today I am wearing the same shirt not the same shirt as yesterday, but the shirt but I've dubbed the "same shirt."
I call it the "same shirt" because I purchased it when I was 285 pounds with the intent of being able to fit in it one day.

Today it represents an unfinished job.

I can button the "same shirt"  but the job isn't done yet. I don't have a flat stomach. I still have a little "dunlop" where although my stomach hasn't "done lopped" over my belt... It still protrudes further than it needs to.

I need to finish the job... I need to lose another 30 pounds... at a minimum.

So... today, I'm 225... back to where I stopped the first time...

Now, it's time to finish the job!

True Love Waits

The interesting thing about having been married before is that you know what sex is. You know how awesome it is to be with the person that you love and to fully be able to give yourself to that person. It's an awesome thing.

To some degree, I think we have cheapened sexuality by exploiting it when we see someone that we're attracted to or just for the sake of horniness.

My fiancée and I have both been married. My marriage ended in divorce and hers ended with the death of her husband. So we both have had sex in the confines of a marriage.

The hardest thing for us was not going "there" while we were dating.

So... she wears 2 rings. An engagement ring... and a promise ring.

15 days... and the promise is fulfilled.

The countdown says...

So... in 15 days I will no longer be a single man. I'll be married. I will have a wife. I will be a husband.

Interesting.

So... how do I feel about this?

That's a good questions.

I feel good.

I mean, the first time I got married out of obligation. I married this woman that I barely knew that I knocked up when I was in college. For 15 years we had a really weird relationship based upon the fact that we had a family together and really not much else in common.

To some degree, she resented me for her predicament, and if I had to be totally honest - I probably held some resentment too.

The result of all of this was that I truly became gun shy and I never thought that I would marry again. I set my expectations very high and I was ready to end things at the drop of a hat.

I always believed that I would settle down if I found that one person that got relationship the way that I did, but when it comes to dating, I was pretty sure that my viewpoint was definitely not the norm.

I mean... open and honest communication. Who does that? Everyone basically lives in some weird sort of shame...

Trust? Everyone has been done wrong a million times, so trust is hard earned.

Faith in God? That impacts the way you live your life??? Mostly in word only, never in deed or action.

That's where I set my bar.

I also thought that I could teach someone these things... thus the 2 year plan. Learn my system...

But you can't teach someone how to be something that they naturally are... so I changed my tact. I started looking for people that naturally possessed these qualities.

Well... I found her.

In 15 days we'll be married.

And in my mind... that's the way it should have been since the beginning.... so, I'm at peace.

Going Commando!!!

In the spirit of TMI (Too Much Information - for the uninitiated...) here's my story for the day...

I've been hitting the gym daily. I generally go before work. It's great... I basically burn somewhere between 500 and 800 calories 4 to 5 days a week. I get up in the morning, iron my clothes, head out the door... the...

• 30 minutes on the treadmill
• 30 minutes on the bike
• 30 minutes on the elliptical

Then, I take a shower, dress, head to work...

BUT... for the last week, I've forgotten my underwear! So... I roll into work au natural.

It's liberating...

Okay, now back to work...

17 Days...

So... we're 17 days away from the wedding. I can honestly say that time is c.r.a.w.l.i.n.g. by. It's moving slowly.

So... what's on my mind? Well, honestly, the wedding. There are some things that absolutely need to be done. We have figured out what I'm going to wear. FINALLY. We've figured out what the boys are going to wear... my 3... her 1...

I'm not going to wear a suit. I'm wearing a linen shirt and linen pants. White and tan. The boys are going to be in black shirts tan pants. It should be a nice contrast for the wedding.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to getting away for the week. Since 1992 I'm not sure that I've ever taken more than a 4 days... and those usually were around a weekend. I think the longest trip that I ever took was to Bermuda. Other than that, it was just a weekend away here or there.

I'm looking forward to taking my first week long trip. We're going on our honeymoon to an undisclosed location in the mountains.

Anyway.... more to come...

24 Days and counting

Well... it's 24 days until my wedding, and what's on my mind? Dr. Braggs Liquid Aminos!

Well, my friend, you're probably wondering what I'm wondering... "what are liquid aminos?"

It's a soy sauce that vegetarians use in order to add flavor to things like tempeh...

25 Days and Counting...

So... in 25 days I'm going to get married. For all the people that thought that this day would never come... it is, and it's coming fast. So, what's on my mind today?

TEMPEH

What is tempeh? It's a vegetarian protein that you can cook and serve in a number of ways... good stuff...

Back on target

This has been a very good year in some ways and a bad year in other ways. In good ways, I have been working on planning a marriage with a woman that I truly love. It has taken me a long time to find her, and I can say that she is perfect for me - and believe me - my normal scrutinizing eye hasn't changed.

On the bad side, my diet has SUCKED!

I have been sedentary at work, as the nature of my job... then in the evenings, I'm on the phone with Lisa... so the pounds have started to add up.

This is a bad thing because it goes against my mantra "Once a pound is lost, it stays lost."

Well, 5 of those pounds found their way home and brought 15 of their closest friends to party around my mid-section. (For those slow on the uptake, I've gained 20 pounds.)

I have to admit that all of it wasn't because I ate poorly... I was trying to eat well. My overall goal was to drop my sodium intake to about 1500mg/day based on something that I read. I also needed to hit about 1800 calories/day. The problem with doing that was that I chose to supplement with various nuts (peanuts, almonds, pepitas, etc.) because they are high in protein, low in sodium and a handful is about 120 calories... great snack.

The problem with adding nuts is that they are not filling.... so I always had this "hungry" feeling - so I would eat more... you got it... nuts! So, I inadvertently went from 1800 calories a day to about 3000. 3000 calories + a sedentary lifestyle = weight gain.

It took me a second to figure that out.

Now? I'm back on track!

I chose todays image because I was thinking about couples and the way that they look. 

To me, couples are viewed a few different ways: 

• through her eyes
• through his eyes
• through the eyes of others

I know, that as an optimist, I will always view everything that we do in a positive light. I always work to find the good. When I see something that's awry I think of ways to make it better. I don't like hiding things in hopes that they'll go away. They never do... if unwatched, I believe, things have a way of turning into a wedge that can push couples apart.

I don't really care about how others view us - that's because everyone has their own dysfunction in their own relationships.

I DO care about how we look in the eyes of who I am dating/marrying. Is she optimistic, pessimistic, fear/worry driven... I want to know how she see us. It's important to me that I am aware of how she views us so I can strive to make sure that we're both moving in a direction that is positive for us.

I take this approach because Jesus prayed a prayer that said "Make them one, even as We are one" for his disciples. The Bible also says "can two walk together unless they be agreed?" I believe we can be strong as a couple if we embrace this and keep our views in sync.

4 Month Checkup

It's been a little while since I've blogged, so I decided to do a little spot check on how I'm doing this year and see how I'm doing so far.

For starters... my action plan has been ... BLAH. There have been so many monkey wrenches thrown into my world that it's just crazy. I think I've gained about 10 pounds and I can't seem to make time to work out.

The crazy thing is... I was actually eating healthy during my weight gain. I added various buts to my diet and accidentally bumped my calorie count up too high. Since it takes 3500 calories to lose a pound and my life has become increasingly sedentary life has become... frustrating in that regard.

On the positive side, we've been planning a wedding. This has been interesting and not as stressful as I thought it would be. We have a schedule and it looks like we're doing pretty well...

More later.

rental Wedding Cakes?

So... it's been a minute since my last post. In all honesty, so much has been going on that I haven't had the opportunity to post.. So... let me catch you up on what's been going on in my  world and write a little bit about how I'm feeling at the moment.

The future in-laws on both sides have been met.. There was no bloodshed. Everyone likes everyone else. that's good...

We ended up doing an exercise called the "6 Thinking Hats" - it's kind of a way of looking at all sides of thing to find out what the real issues are and where to address your attention. That's when we found out that we didn't have a location set for the wedding... OOPS.

We have actually come up with a location... and that's good... I'm finishing up the paperwork and sending the deposit now.

It's getting real now.

I'm excited!

52 days and counting...

Oh... now, on to rental wedding cakes.

The picture above is a rental wedding cake! How, pray tell, do you rent a wedding cake?

The cake itself is made out of like a Styrofoam. It has a hidden compartment for real slices of cake for the bride and groom. Once the first "piece" is exchanged the "rental cake" is taken to the back and slices of a sheet cake are brought out to everyone else.

How cool is that?

Family Dynamics

Part I

Family dynamics are an interesting thing. For me, it's all about managing my family. I have to be careful about the information that I give them, when I give it to them, and how I give it to them. The rationale behind this lies in the fact that any information that I give them will eventually be turned to gossip and information that they don't have will be filled in with their own imagination.

I am beginning to understand who I can share information with and who I can't.

I do it by leaking certain pieces of information, and watching it get spread throughout the family.

The whole thing would be different if they could talk like adults... but they don't. They use subtle manipulation, guilt, and any other means that they can use with the exception of the being direct and adult. They don't talk like grown people do... which makes it hard to talk with them on a peer to peer level.

Each of them has a weird twisted "thing" in their head that they think lends additional weight to their opinion...

"I'm your Mother...", or "I'm your older brother..."

It's just weird.

Part II

I had the opportunity to meet L's Mom this weekend. L has a very matriarchal extended family. Her mother rules with fear and a heavy hand. Everyone trembles and shakes at the power of her voice because no-one... NO ONE ever can escape her will. She always gets her way.

It was a very long weekend. The first morning we were together, we were the proud recipients of no less than 5 hours of marital counseling in 2 1/2 hour segments. I think over the course of the weekend we were talked at for at least 10 hours.

I listened with a fair amount with great respect. And then it happened.

I had to show her my backbone.

I told her to put her cards on the table. That we would discuss her concerns one by one...

We did, respectfully.

L says I earned her respect that day.

I love L. She's my boo... 

The thing about life...

The thing about life is that there are hills and valleys. The way I look at it, it's possible to be discontent in each!

When you're at the top, it can be too cold, too damp, the wind can be too high... you may have trouble finding the sustenance that you need... you can't live on the mountaintop forever... you have to climb down... only to climb back up again... what's the point?

When you're in the valley you're kind of penned in by these really high oppressing peaks on all sides of you, you live in the shadows of these big ominous things that hide the light from you.If you want to see what's going on around you you have to climb to the top... it's just tiring... draining.

People can spend their entire life wishing to be in one place or the other. It's a frustrating cycle.

There was a time when we understood that. When we were a hearty people that would make the best of things wherever we were.

Now? We're so consumer oriented. We want everything to be nice and calm... easy.

Not me... I like the challenges of both.

Task Oriented Christianity

A lot of times, Christians view themselves as these servants. Servants that are dispatched to do certain tasks and the only vested interest that they have in that task is getting it over as quickly as possible because it's too much like work. Examples of this are:

• going to church on a weekly basis
• serving once a week in the nursery or with the greeters or some other ministry
• contributing to an offering
• showing up early to set up for a program

It's all very task oriented.

The interesting is that God doesn't call us to be task oriented. In the Bible it says: 

Now you are no longer servants, but God's own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir. (Gal 4:7)

This opens up a whole new ball of wax.

When you sit at the Kings table, you're in on the planning. the King tells you what is on his mind. There is intimacy there. You are expected to participate - but with knowledge and with your resources. There will be times when you're asked to take a leadership role. You level and activity level takes on a whole new view point because of the realization that your wealth in the kingdom is tied into the wealth of the King. It's ownership and not just subservience.

When we think about Christianity, do we look at is as tasks supporting of distant God because it's what expected, or do we see our inheritance?

Believe me... that subtle change of view changes the way you work, live, act...

Unbalanced load

I am a big fan of balance... But sometimes in the course of human events, things become unbalanced. For me, it's usually happens in an area of my life where I am trying to be intentional.

I have gained 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. My time management sucks. The areas that I wanted to key in on are in shambles.

So... True to my blog, I have to write about the mundane things to keep me in check.

Starting tomorrow.

Work isn't personal...

They say that work isn't personal. I truly believe that. If I disagree with you or whatever, I do not view the person any differently out of work. Even inside work, as long as we're not working on the same project I can be cordial, nice, whatever. HOWEVER, if we are working on the same project... it's a different story.

By nature, I am a non confrontational person. I go to work to accomplish a task. The things that frustrate me most are when there's no clear vision, people don't value my opinion, when things are done randomly with no sense of order and when there's no communication.

If you put all of those things together, the likelihood of me actually wanting to perform at my best is somewhat diminished. I will do the bare minimum to reduce MY OWN frustration levels.

I love it when I'm in charge of a team. When you give me the reigns, I will do my research from the people that know infinitely more than me... set a vision, and hold people to that vision and time table. I make sure everyone is engaged and every team member knows the direction that we're heading.

Anyway... that's my rant for today.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Now... I feel much better.

Guarding your heart...

My fiancée and I had an interesting conversation. I was going to have dinner with an old college friend... a female friend. Now, in my mind, this person was like a sister... is like a sister to me. However... she's a recent widow. One of the things that -L- said was that when she lost her husband, she would look at men with a slightly different way.

I don't always understand the inner thinking of the mind of women, so I have to trust the woman that I love to help guard my heart and my affections.

This is kind of new for me. New on a couple of levels... I had a wife that really didn't care one way or another. She didn't mind if I hung out with female friends... the only time she really minded anything was towards the end when she knew it was all over.

After that, I was single and the only person that I had to worry about was me, and my own opinions on who I wanted in my life... and I guarded that well.

Now... there's a new component. There's a woman in my life that loves me and cherishes me. This is kind of new and a paradigm shift in the way that I have to think about my social interactions.

Selah

Going Viral

So... I wrote "Romance 101" yesterday. I shared it with a small set of friends to test drive it. Many thought it was funny. I then shared it with an e-mail group that I belong to that shares funny videos. I'm hoping to see if this really goes viral.

I have one item that has gone viral before. I coined the phrase "G.A.S." many years ago... "Gear Acquisition Syndrome" - which is a disorder that musicians face when they see a new piece of gear that they must have because in their mind, they think it will make them perform better.

Anyway... wish me luck!

Romance 101

If you ask a hundred people this question, you will get 100 different answers. So... I decided my best chance at understnding the true meaning behind this elusive "thing" called romance was to look it up in the dictionary.

First, "romance" can be used as an adjective, noun, verb.

Interesting...

As an adjective, "romance" means: of, relating to, or being any of the languages developed from Latin (as Italian, French, and Spanish).

So... when she says she wants a little "romance" I can say in my best Rico Suave voice... "tienes un sonrisa que llena mi vida de allegria..."

NICE!...

As a noun, "romance" means:

a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious(3) : a love story especially in the form of a novelb : a class of such literature

So... I can read a book to her...

2: something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact

I can tell a lie...

3: an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity

We can dress up in Medeival clothing?

4: love affair

I had to look this one up... it means: a lively enthusiasm

So... when she says "romance" I can tell her about my fascination with my Android Galaxy Tab! Awesome!

5capitalized : the Romance languages

So... when she says she wants "Romance" - she really wants to learn Latin, Italian or Spanish???

As a verb, romance can either be intransitive or transitive... whatever that means...

intransitive verb

1: to exaggerate or invent detail or incident

She wants me to tell her that her eyes are as blue as the ocean and her hair as golden as amber waves of grain?

2: to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas

She really just wants me to think about all the things that I've written here so far...

transitive verb

1: to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery

Maybe... just maybe... she wants me to buy her something... FINALLY something I know I can do!

So... maybe that''s where guys have gone wrong all these years... when a woman says she wants romance... she really just wants us to buy her something... I'm on my way to the store now to get buy my sweetie a #2 Pencil... I hope she likes it!

How close can you get???

So... here's the dilemma. I've been married before and have 3 sons. I've had sex. The new chic... the one I'm engaged to has 3 children as well... she's had sex. We both have a commitment to our Christian values and have decided that we're not going to have sex until we're married.

The questions that we have wrestled with is... how close can you get without crossing the line?

The problem that I am facing is that going too far might as well mean not even bothering to wait.

Anyway, it's hard... sticking to the commitment. Just a few more short months and I can say I've done it!... We've done it! We will have managed to build a relationship on our merits and not on a physical crutch...