FRUSTRATING!!!!

I have honestly never been so frustrated in my life.

Yesterday was a bad... bad... bad... day.

As a part of the recovery process from cancer, many older patients experience depression.

Dad is not as strong as he was before and depends on others to take care of almost all of his basic needs.

Yesterday morning he didn't want to get out of bed at all. I asked him if he wanted to spend the next 10 years laying there staring at the ceiling and he said yes.

It took 20 minutes and one of the daily motivational speeches to get him up and walking... yes walking to the kitchen.

We get there, do breakfast - and I notice that he may not be up for the walk back to the bedroom... So, we decide we're going to do half the distance.

Since we weren't going to do the full walk, I decided to take the moment to work on some therapy things. Work the muscle memory of standing up/sitting down... etc.

Mom started yelling - "He's tired!!! Why are you torturing him?"

She was casting fear and doubt into this man that I have been working so hard to build up.

ARRRRRRRGH

I admit it. I was short with Mom when I asked her to be quiet. She wasn't helping what I was trying to do - which is get Dad as strong as possible over the next few weeks so things will be easier for her.

For the rest of the day - he laid in bed. Didn't want to move. Didn't want to sit up. Didn't want to do anything but lay there.

Part of that was him protecting Mom. Sending a message to me that we needed to work together better.

One of the tools that I have is that we talk.

When I took him to his doctors appointment and we sat in the lobby for 3 hours, we talked and joked. It's part of what we do... it helps calm him down... understand that I believe in him and it gives him strength.

She took that away from me yesterday when she screamed - "he doesn't like to talk!!! Why are you talking to him - he doesn't need to be lectured"

For the rest of the freakin' day every time I would try to talk to him he would close his eyes.

She killed so much progress in 15 minutes of insanity.

I don't want to turn this into a bash Mom thing. I understand that she's stressed.

I tried to explain to her that when I'm gone it's going to be her and him. There are going to be times when he's tired, but he's still going to have to help her help him.

So today? I am going to do nothing.

I am going to sit down... and let her run the show. I am not going to lift a finger so she can see how hard it really is going to be.

I love them both.

I hate tough love.

I just don't see any other way.